Lieutenant Starbuck was getting worried.  His life partner, Captain
Apollo, had been acting oddly for the last secton or so.  He seemed
preoccupied, worried. Sometimes he snapped at Starbuck or at their son,
Boxey, for no apparent reason.  When they went to bed at night, Apollo
turned away, lying facing the wall, not wanting to hold Starbuck or be
held by him. 

Finally, one night as they were getting in to bed, Starbuck confronted
him. Or tried to. "Apollo,"  he asked, "is something wrong?" 

The Captain frowned. "Wrong? What makes you think something is wrong?" 

"You haven't been yourself lately. You're preoccupied. You snap at
everyone around you. You sleep facing the wall. Ever since we were sealed
we've slept facing each other. Yet now you won't look at me. Have I done
something?" 

Apollo laughed humorlessly. "Everything always has to be about you,
doesn't it? Well, believe it or not, I have a life completely separate
from yours. I did have a life of my own before we were sealed, remember." 

"Yeah, I remember," replied his lover. "And if you want that life again,
all you have to do is say the word." 

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" snarled Apollo.  "Being single again,
chasing every woman that crosses your field of vision. Men too, I suppose.
Just remember, my sister and Cassiopia aren't available any more." 

"Apollo," sighed Starbuck. "That is not what I want and you know it." 

But Apollo had already gotten in to bed and turned to face the wall. He
wasn't listening. With a sigh, Starbuck got in beside him and tried to
pull his love into his arms, but Apollo stiffened and pulled away. 

The next day found Starbuck at the Commander's office.

"What can I do for you, Starbuck?" asked his father in law.

"It's about Apollo," said the warrior. "Something's not right with him,
but he won't talk to me.  He's been short tempered and distant for at
least a secton, and I don't know what to do about it. I wondered if you
had any idea what's going on." 

"I'm sorry, Starbuck," Adama said apologetically. "I haven't spoken to him
lately myself. He brings Boxey over for his regular visits, but he just
drops him off and leaves. When he comes to fetch him, he doesn't stay to
talk like he used to. Would you like me to try talking to him?" 

"No," answered Starbuck. "If he won't talk to you on his own, he won't
talk to you if you start asking him questions. But thank you anyway." 

"Let me know if there's anything I can do," the Commander offered. 

"I will," answered the Lieutenant as he left.

Starbuck wished he knew what was bothering his husband so much that he
wouldn't talk about it.  They'd always shared everything that was going on
in their lives, even before they were sealed.  Apollo was his best friend
as well as his lover, and, until recently, they'd never had a problem with
communication. //Except when I was trying to hide the fact that I was in
love with him// Starbuck thought. A sudden fear gripped his heart. 

//Could there be someone else? Has Apollo fallen in love with a new man,
or woman?//

He went over Apollo's behavior for the last sectare or so. As far as he
could recall, there had been no unexplained absences or guilty behavior on
the Captain's part. Back in his own dating days, when Starbuck was trying
to juggle more than one lover at a time, he had tried to be extra-
attentive to both , in order not to rouse suspicion. Apollo certainly
hadn't been doing that.  //Unless he simply doesn't care if I suspect him
or not//

Starbuck headed over to the officers' quarters, hoping to see Boomer. Luck
was with him and Boomer was there with his new flame, Ensign Calliope. 

"Boomer," said Starbuck. "Can I talk to you - alone?"

Boomer excused himself from his lady friend and he and Starbuck found a
quiet corner away from the other warriors. "What's up, Bucko?" Boomer
asked. 

"Um, I'm not sure how to ask this," Starbuck mumbled. "But, have you
noticed Apollo acting any - differently lately?" 

"Different how?" asked his friend.

"Oh, I don't know. Distant. Preoccupied. Short-tempered. That kind of
thing." 

"I only see him on patrol lately," Boomer answered after a few centons'
thought. "He's professional. He does his job. No chit chat or anything
like that. Other than that, I'd say he's pretty much the same as always.
Why?" 

"Lately it's like I'm living with a different person, Boom-Boom.  He
almost never talks to me, and when he does it's just a growl or a snap.
He's short with Boxey. I share a bed with him but he never touches me. He
doesn't even talk to the Commander." 

"And you don't have any idea why he's acting like this?"

"None at all," said Starbuck with a sigh. "Do you suppose there's someone
else?" 

"No," stated Boomer firmly. "Apollo is completely devoted to you. When you
were shot, he was by your bed every micron until you woke up.  He nearly
went crazy until the doctor told him you'd recover.  I can't see Apollo
with anyone else. It wouldn't be right." 

"Maybe not to you, but maybe it would be to him," Starbuck mused. 

"Don't even think that way, Starbuck. Apollo loves you. Whatever is wrong,
he'll come around.  He'll realize that he can't lose you." 

"I wish I could be sure of that, Boomer."

Later that night Starbuck once again got into bed next to his unresponsive
partner. Suddenly he pulled Apollo close and rolled on top of him. He
kissed him demandingly, pressing his body into his lover's.  Apollo felt
his body responding in spite of himself. But the look on his face stopped
Starbuck cold. The look was almost fearful, and Starbuck was afraid he saw
revulsion or disgust there as well, though he wasn't certain. He released
the other man and got out of bed. "I'm sorry, Apollo," he apologized. "I
won't force you. You'd hate me if I did. I'd hate myself. I'll go sleep in
the other room."  And he grabbed a blanket and left. 

Apollo rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow, trying to stifle
the tears that threatened. "I could never hate you, Starbuck," he
whispered. 

But his lover didn't hear him.

-------------------------------------

Apollo didn't know how much longer he could stand to see how hurt Starbuck
looked every time he pushed him away. //I have to do this, it's for his
own good// thought the Captain. But it hurt like hell. He had vowed never
to hurt his love when they were sealed, and now he was going back on that
vow. //It's not forever// he told himself. //Only until I know what I'm
dealing with//

It had been so tempting to give in to his body's urging last night and
make love with Starbuck.  He had been surprised at how aggressive the
other man had been, and it had scared him a little, but it had also
excited him. But Starbuck must have been able to sense his fear, because
he had stopped before either of them had gone too far to stop. Apollo had
been both relieved and disappointed. 

It wouldn't be too much longer before Dr. Salik had pinned down what was
wrong with him.  Then he would know whether or not he would get better, or
if he would be permanently disabled. Salik had said that his symptoms
could be caused by a number of things, some relatively benign, others more
harmful, even potentially devastating. Apollo didn't want Starbuck to have
to look after him if he became disabled.  The doctor had also told Apollo
that, depending on what it turned out to be, his illness could be passed
on to Starbuck if they were intimate. So Apollo pushed his lover away,
refused to even touch him. That was the most difficult thing he could ever
remember doing in his life, not touching the man that he loved more than
anything. 

It was also difficult to see the effect his behavior was having on Boxey. 
He hadn't intended to take his temper out on his son, but he'd done it
anyway.  If he really was seriously ill, what would that do to Boxey? He
might not be able to take care of Boxey for much longer. If that was the
case, Starbuck would look after him. His adoption of Boxey had become
official a short time ago. Apollo was very glad that they had made those
arrangements.  He knew that even if it ended up that Starbuck couldn't
stand the sight of him, he would always love Boxey. 

Apollo got out of bed and took a cautious look into the next room. There
was a blanket folded on the couch, and Starbuck was nowhere to be seen.
//He has patrol this morning// Apollo remembered.  He sighed sadly. It
wasn't that long ago that the two of them had eaten together every morning
and kissed goodbye before starting their day. He longed for that simple
intimacy again. 

He wished that there was someone he could talk to about all that was going
on for him right now. But he didn't want his family to know, and his
friends, well, they were Starbuck's friends too and they wouldn't feel
right keeping this from him. Apollo understood that. It had been difficult
persuading Dr. Salik not to tell him. And it had been difficult to keep
Cassiopia from finding out, since she worked in the Life Center.

Starbuck, meanwhile, was visiting with his sisters in law. "I don't know
what to think anymore,"  he told them as he sipped the tea Cassie had made
for him. "I don't understand where the change has come from. He certainly
won't tell me. But if he won't tell me what I've done, how can I fix it?" 

"Have I ever told you that my brother is one of the most stubborn people
alive?" Athena asked as she absently ran a hand through Cassie's hair. 

"I don't think so," Starbuck laughed in spite of his misery. "But I
definitely agree with you." 

"So what are we going to do?" asked Cassie.

Athena frowned. "I don't know if there's anything we *can* do. Except
maybe hold him in front of an airlock and threaten to space him unless he
spills his guts." 

"I never realized you had a violent streak, Athena," observed Starbuck. 

"That's my wife, the homicidal maniac," said Cassiopia.

"You'll have to satisfy those urges some other way, The," said Starbuck.
"I would like Apollo in one piece, if possible." 

"Darn, you spoiled my fun," sighed Athena.

-------------------------------------------------

Starbuck was at his wits' end. He no longer slept in the same bed as his
husband.  If they ate meals at the same time, it was almost by coincidence
rather than intention. And when they did, the meals were eaten in silence. 
Any attempts at conversation were rebuffed.  It was worse than it had been
adjusting to new bunkmates at the Academy. At least then it had been
expected that there would be initial 'getting to know you' difficulties,
and the cadets usually made an effort to be polite to their bunkmates. 
But Apollo made no such effort with Starbuck. And they weren't strangers.
They were, or had been, lovers. And before that, they had been friends.
Now it seemed they were neither.

Finally, he announced to Apollo, "I'm moving out, Apollo. I'll be living
in the Bachelor Officers' Quarters." 

"Go ahead," said Apollo. "Have fun."  He hoped the pain he felt at
Starbuck's departure didn't show.

"Is this really what you want, Apollo?" Starbuck asked.

"Since when does what I want make a difference? If moving out is what you
want to do, feel free." 

"What you want has always made a difference to me, Apollo. We're married." 

"Yeah well, things change," said the Captain.

"My love for you will never change, Apollo," his lover told him. 

"So you say."

"Yes, so I say! I say it because I mean it!" Starbuck shouted. "Tell me
you don't love me, 'Pol.  Tell me and make me believe it." 

Apollo could not deny that he loved Starbuck. It was one thing he could
not lie about. So he decided to simply say nothing. 

Starbuck waited for an answer, but got none. Finally he picked up his bag
and said, "Goodbye, Apollo. I love you." 

"Goodbye, Starbuck," said Apollo. When his lover had left, he added, "I
love you, too." 

Boomer was surprised to see that Starbuck was bunking in the officers'
quarters. "What's this, Bucko?" he asked. "Why are you sleeping here?" 

"I moved out of Apollo's quarters," he replied. "Apollo obviously doesn't
want me there anymore." 

"I don't believe it," answered Boomer. "Apollo loves you. How can he not
want you in his quarters? And I thought they were *your* quarters. Both of
yours." 

"They were Apollo's quarters before we were sealed, and they're Apollo's
quarters now. He doesn't want me anymore, Boomer." 

"This isn't right," Boomer muttered. "This is *not* right." He decided to
go and see Apollo. 

When he arrived at Apollo's door, the Captain didn't look particularly
happy to see him. "What is it, Boomer?" he asked. 

"I need to talk to you about Starbuck," he said.

"What about him? Is he hurt?"

"Not physically," replied Boomer.

"Then what do you want to talk to me about?" asked Apollo.

"I want to know why Starbuck moved out," replied the Lieutenant.

"Why don't you ask Starbuck?"

"I did. He said he moved out because you don't want him around anymore."

"So there's your answer," said Apollo.

"I don't believe that for a micron. You and Starbuck belong together. You
always have and always will. Everyone on the Galactica knows it. " 

"They do?" Apollo asked sarcastically. "Then everyone is wrong."

"Apollo, what is with you? Starbuck loves you! And you love him! Or has
that suddenly changed?" 

Again, Apollo couldn't answer. There was no way he could say that he
didn't love Starbuck. 

"You do love him," stated Boomer. "I can tell. So why are you acting this
way?" 

"I have to," Apollo answered softly. "I do love him. But that doesn't make
any difference. He's - he's better off without me." 

"That has got to be the biggest load of felgercarb I have heard in
yahrens," said Boomer. 

"Boomer, I can't tell you anything else. At least not right now. Just
believe me when I say that Starbuck is better off without me." 

"Apollo, the man is in pain! He hurts worse than he did when he was shot
by that Cylon!" 

"He'll get over it," Apollo said.

"I don't think he will, Apollo."

"He's resilient. He'll survive."

"I hope you're right. For both of your sakes." And Boomer turned and
walked away. 

--------

The members of Blue Squadron were concerned about their squadron leader.
Ever since Starbuck had moved out of the quarters he had shared with
Apollo, the Lieutenant had been showing signs of carelessness. He took
reckless chances. He seemed to almost have a death wish. 

His reckless behavior finally caught up to him. His viper was struck by a
shot from a Cylon ship.  Fortunately for him, he was able to limp back to
the Galactica. He was sent straight to the Life Center.  Adama caught up
to him there. 

"How do you feel, Lieutenant?" asked the Commander.

Starbuck flinched slightly as Cassiopia applied salve to the burns he'd
received when his console had blown up in his face. "I've been better," he
said honestly.

"You know, Starbuck, getting yourself killed isn't going to change things
with Apollo." 

"Who said it would? But what reason do I have to stay alive?" the warrior
asked bitterly. 

Adama lay a hand on his son in law's shoulder. "What about your family?" 

"Family? I'm an orphan, remember? I have no family."

Cassiopia nearly smacked him. "We're your family, Starbuck!" 

"You're Apollo's family."

"Starbuck," said Adama, "when you and my son were sealed, I welcomed you
to my family. No matter what happens between you and Apollo, you will
always be part of my family." 

"And that goes double for me and Athena," added Cassiopia. "And Boxey too,
I'm sure." 

Boxey. Thinking about the boy he called his son made a lump appear in
Starbuck's throat.  The hardest part of moving out of his and Apollo's
quarters had been leaving Boxey. He hated that Boxey had been caught in
the middle of his and Apollo's problems. 

"Listen, Starbuck, why don't you stay with me and Thena for awhile?"
suggested Cassie. "We have room. There's the extra room where Boxey stays
when he spends the night with us. You can have it for as long as you want
it. " 

Starbuck, grateful for the offer, accepted. "Good," said Cassie. "As soon
as the doctor says you can go, come right over. We'll be waiting." 

Starbuck moved into Athena and Cassie's spare room. They really were his
family. He'd never had a family before he married Apollo. He tried not to
worry about losing them, but he'd never planned on losing Apollo, and look
how that had turned out. 

As he went to offer to assist Athena with cooking dinner, the cabin door
opened and a boy-sized bundle of energy came bursting through. "DAD!"
yelled Boxey as he flung himself at his second father. 

Starbuck scooped the boy up in an embrace and held him for a long time.
"I've missed you, kiddo," he said softly. 

"I missed you too, Dad," replied Boxey. "When are you coming home?" 

"I don't know, Boxey. I don't think your dad wants me there."

"But you're my dad too! You live with us. That's where you belong," said
Boxey with a pout. 

"I want to come back, Boxey. Really I do. But Apollo and I have some
things to work out first." 

"Well, don't take too long to work them out, okay?" 

"Okay, kid. Now, tell me what you did in learning period today."

Athena watched her nephew and brother-in-law. She could tell how badly
Starbuck was hurting, no matter how much he tried to hide it. It made her
angry. She was determined to do something about it. 

After supper, Boxey reluctantly kissed Starbuck goodbye. The warrior gave
him a hug and held him tightly. "I'm staying here with your aunts for now,
Boxey. You can come and see me anytime, all right?" 

"All right. I still wish you were coming home, though."

"I do too, Boxey. We'll see what happens."

Athena took Boxey back to Apollo's, and when he had gone to his room to
prepare for bed, she confronted her brother. 

"You want to tell me what's going on with you and Starbuck?" she asked. 

"There's nothing to tell," answered Apollo.

"That is a load of felgercarb and you know it. That man is heartbroken.
Did you know he was almost killed on patrol today? He doesn't even bother
to take precautions. I swear one of these days he's just going to fly
straight into a Cylon fleet and get blown to bits." 

"Almost killed?" Apollo asked fearfully. "What happened?"

Well, at least Apollo still cared. "He wasn't paying attention and got
winged by a Cylon. Luckily his viper wasn't too badly damaged to get him
back to the Galactica, but the console blew up in his face. He was badly
burned." 

"Is he going to be all right?"

"Physically, yes, he'll be fine. Maybe a few scars. Emotionally is another
matter," answered Athena. 

"There's nothing I can do about that," said Apollo.

"There sure as hell is, Apollo! You can stop being so bloody stubborn and
let Starbuck know what he's done to deserve the way you're treating him!" 

Apollo sighed and looked at the floor. "I can't, Athena," he finally said.
"I know he deserves better.  He doesn't deserve any of it. He doesn't
deserve *me*. And he's better off without me." 

"Apollo, no," protested Athena. "He needs you. He's miserable without you.
Why would you ever think he was better off without you?" 

"He just is," answered Apollo. "I can't explain why. At least not right
now." 

"Whatever's wrong, Apollo, can't you talk to someone about it? To Father,
maybe, or one of your friends? All couples have their problems, but that
doesn't mean you have to break up." 

"It's personal, Athena," replied the Captain. "Just leave it at that,
would you?" 

"No, I will not leave it at that. You're my brother.  Starbuck is my
brother in law.  He's also my friend. I can't stand to see either of you
in pain like this. You may not be ready to talk to me yet, Apollo, but I'm
stubborn just like you are. I am going to get to the bottom of this if I
have to nag you every day for a yahren. Or longer. " 

"You won't have to do that, The. I'll be ready to tell you eventually.
Just not right now." 

"I'm going to hold you to that, brother."

"I know you will," said Apollo. He kissed her cheek and gave her a hug.

Athena left, but she was not finished with her brother. She was going to
do her best to get him and Starbuck back together. She wasn't yet sure
how, but she would do it. 

------

Apollo stood at the entrance to the chapel and hesitated. The small room
had been set aside as a kind of interfaith worship or meditation center, a
place where anyone of any religious belief could come and meditate or
pray. It was often difficult to find a space to be alone on the crowded
refugee ships or the warriors barracks, and the chapel filled a need.

Finally, Apollo walked in and sat down. He didn't know exactly why he was
there. He wanted to pray, but he wasn't even certain who to pray to. The
Lords of Kobol? The God that Boxey sometimes prayed to? One of the
pantheon of gods and goddesses worshipped in the Colonies? It didn't
really make any difference, he decided. Someone had to be listening,
somewhere. 

He knelt on the floor and tried to decide what to say. Finally, he decided
just to go with what was in his heart. 

"Um .. I'm not certain how to do this, or even who I'm talking to, so I
hope you're okay with this... I guess you know who I am. Flight Captain
Apollo, aboard the Battlestar Galactica. Well, anyway ... I have this
problem and I don't know what to do about it. I'm in love with the most
wonderful man in the universe. His name is Starbuck. And he loves me, more
than I can even imagine, more than I deserve, definitely.  Everyone always
tells me that Starbuck is devoted to me. And that's where the problem is.
How can that be a problem? Well the thing is, I'm sick. I don't know what
exactly is wrong with me, but I get tired easily, get out of breath a lot
easier than I should, have a lot of aches and pains that come and go from
nowhere. The doctor isn't certain what's causing it. Says it might be
serious. It could get better or it could get worse. I might end up
completely disabled and unable to take care of myself. And I know that if
I told Starbuck he would want to take care of me. But I don't want him to
give up his life to look after a cripple! He's still young.  He could have
anyone he wanted, male or female. He's quite popular. Always has been." 

At this point Apollo didn't notice that someone else had entered the
chapel and sat on a bench in the back. He kept talking. 

"So what do I do? I start to push him away. I won't let him touch me. I
pick fights with him. I'm afraid that whatever's wrong with me, he'll
catch it. Or he'll find out that I'm sick and insist on giving up
everything to take care of me. " Apollo sighed. "I'm afraid that after all
I've done, he'll hate me. And I'm afraid that he won't hate me. I want him
in my life so badly, but I know that isn't what's right for him." His
voice trailed off and he put his head in his hands. 

"Apollo," said a voice from somewhere behind him. "Don't you think that's
my decision?" 

Apollo jumped up. "How much did you hear?" he asked Starbuck.

"Enough," replied his life mate. "Enough to finally understand why you've
been acting so hostile toward me lately." 

Apollo knew that bluffing would not be of any use in this situation. He
also couldn't bring himself to tell a lie in the chapel. 

"I didn't want you to know," he said simply. "I knew you would want to
take care of me. " 

"And don't you want me to take care of you?" Starbuck asked.

"Yes! No! I mean ... what I want doesn't matter. You should be free, not
stuck with a partner who can't ... can't do anything for himself. Or for
you." 

"Apollo, all you have to do for me is just be here. All I want is to be
with you. And yes, I do want to take care of you. You'd do the same for me
if our situations were reversed." 

"You shouldn't have to take care of me," Apollo muttered.

Starbuck put a hand under his lover's chin and raised his face so that
they could see each other's eyes. "Listen to me, Apollo. No, I don't
*have* to take care of you. I *want* to take care of you. I love you. I
joined my life to yours when we were sealed. That includes good times and
bad.  Including times of illness. You took care of me when I was shot. Why
won't you let me do the same for you?" 

"That was temporary. This ... could be permanent."

"'Pol, when I was shot by that Centurion, no one knew if I would have any
permanent injuries. If I recall correctly, that didn't matter to you. " 

"You're right. It didn't." Apollo finally realized what Starbuck was
saying. He took a deep breath.  "I've been an idiot," he stated. "I'm
sorry. I love you, Starbuck. And I realize that might not be enough. I
can't excuse my behaviour. I treated you so badly.  I can never make it up
to you. But if you'll let me try - " 

Starbuck stopped him with a kiss. Then he wrapped his arms around his
lover and the two held each other for several centons. 

"Apollo," said Starbuck finally, "I love you. I will always love you. No
matter what. Yes, I was hurt by the way you acted. But that doesn't matter
now. All I want is to be with you. That's more than enough to make up for
everything that's happened in the last few sectons." 

"I don't deserve you," said Apollo.

"No, you don't," said Starbuck with a grin. "But you have me anyway." He
kissed his love again.  "Now, we have to talk to your family. You have
some explaining to do. And then we have to talk to Dr. Salik." 

As they left the chapel, Apollo asked, "What made you come in here,
anyway? You're not usually the quiet meditative type. " 

Starbuck looked embarrassed. "I followed you," he answered. "I saw you go
in, and my curiosity got the better of me. Why were you here?" 

Apollo shrugged. "Athena told me to talk to someone. I couldn't think of
anyone who would keep my secret and not tell you or my father. So I
decided that maybe some god, somewhere would listen to me."

His lover put an arm around his shoulders. "Do you think that in the
future you could talk to me?  Not that I can compare to the gods or
anything." 

Apollo laughed and slipped an arm around Starbuck's waist. "I much prefer
talking to you, Bucko. I've missed you. Gods, I can't believe I was so
stupid." 

"Don't talk like that about the man that I love," Starbuck responded.
"Come on, let's go see the Commander and Thena and Cassie. Then tomorrow
we'll go see Dr. Salik. We're going to find out what's wrong with you and
what we can do about it. Then we have some making up to do." 

Apollo pulled away from Starbuck's side at that comment. "Starbuck ... I'm
afraid that whatever I might have ... it might be contagious. I don't want
you to get sick too." 

Starbuck just smiled. " 'Pol, when I was dating Cassie, she was just
starting her training in the Life Center, remember? I learned a lot when
she was doing that. And one thing she told me is that a lot of diseases
are only contagious when they're not showing symptoms. You could've had
this ... this whatever it is ... for a long time before you even knew
about it. And I haven't caught it yet. So I don't think I'm going to. And
if you're really worried," he added before Apollo could protest, "there
are precautions we can take." 

Apollo couldn't help smiling. "When did you become so *sensible*?" he
asked. 

"I guess you've had a bad influence on me," his husband responded with a
smile of his own. 

Apollo contacted his father and sisters and asked them to come to his
quarters. He also invited Boomer, since the warrior had tried to help him
and Starbuck.  When they were all there, he explained what had been
causing his behaviour.  He confessed that he hadn't wanted to tell anyone
because he hadn't wanted them to make a fuss, or to worry about him. And
somehow it had helped him to deny that anything was wrong.  If no one knew
about it, that meant it didn't exist. He recalled a story his mother had
told him once about an animal that once lived on one of the colonies that
stuck its head in the sand when it was frightened, believing that if it
couldn't see whatever animal was threatening it, then that animal couldn't
see it either. That was what he had been doing - sticking his head in the
sand. 

As he had expected, he got lectures about being stubborn and letting other
people take care of him when he needed it. And support and understanding.
His family was worried about him, of course. But now that everything was
out in the open, Apollo did feel better. 

Just then Adama arose to make an 'announcement' of his own. He looked at
his children and their loved ones. "This may come as somewhat of a
surprise to you. Or perhaps you have been aware of what's been happening
in my life lately. " He hesitated, then continued. 

"After my wife, your mother, was killed on Caprica, I assumed that I would
be alone for the rest of my life. I believed that my role as Commander of
the fleet would take up too much of my time for me to consider having any
kind of social life. But after seeing all of you so happy with your chosen
life mates, I began to wonder if there was a place in my life for
someone." 

Apollo and Starbuck exchanged a look. They had wondered if Adama was
getting close to someone, but hadn't expected an official announcement. 

Adama continued to speak. "Having seen you, Apollo, and you, Athena, find
love with people you considered to be your close friends, made me wonder
if perhaps there could be more to a relationship I had with one of my very
close friends.  Now, this is still very new to the both of us, and we are
not ready to get married or anything yet, but I think it is safe to tell
you that I am in a relationship with Col. Tigh." 

Adama's children looked stunned at first, but quickly recovered and
congratulated their father. For Apollo and Athena, it was bittersweet
news. They didn't really expect Adama to mourn their mother forever, and
in a way it was easier to accept a new man in the Commander's life than a
new woman. But it was a reminder to them that their mother was gone.
Starbuck squeezed his lover's arm in a gesture of support and
understanding. 

As the evening continued, Apollo noticed that Boxey had been rather quiet
and subdued. When he and Starbuck were putting their son to bed later that
night, Apollo asked Boxey, "Is there anything you want to talk to me
about? I realize I laid some pretty big news on you tonight." 

Boxey looked troubled. "What's going to happen to me if you don't get
better?" he asked. "Will I be an orphan?" 

Apollo hugged Boxey to him and Starbuck did the same. "No, Boxey, you
won't be an orphan. If anything happens to me, Starbuck will always be
your dad. He'll take care of you. So will Aunts Athena and Cassie. And
your grandfather. You won't be alone, ever." 

Starbuck looked away and tried to be inconspicuous as he wiped a tear from
his eye. He hadn't had a family when he was growing up. He had spent his
childhood in an orphanage. At one time he had thought he'd found his real
father - a gambler named Chameleon. But the man had vanished as suddenly
as he'd appeared, and Starbuck had never been able to find out if
Chameleon was really his father, or was just running another in a long
line of scams. 

But all that didn't matter now. Apollo's family had become his family.
Adama was like a father to him, or at least, how Starbuck assumed a father
would be if he had one. When he'd been at the Academy he'd sometimes gone
back to Caprica with Apollo to visit his parents. Apollo's mother had been
a wonderful woman, and he knew how much his friend missed her. 

He was part of Apollo's family, and families took care of each other.
That's what Starbuck would do for Apollo. He knew Apollo would do the same
for him. 

The next day, Starbuck and Apollo nervously arrived at the Life Center to
talk to Dr Salik. Starbuck kept saying that things would be okay, but he
was scared. Scared that something was dreadfully wrong with the one that
he loved, and scared that if it was, Apollo would push him away again and
insist on dealing with it by himself.  Apollo took his hand. 

"We're in this together," he said. Starbuck smiled in relief and they
walked in to the Life Center together. 

"Apollo, Starbuck," Dr. Salik greeted the two warriors. "I'm glad to see
both of you here." He put a slight emphasis on the 'both.'

"Doctor, what's wrong with Apollo?" Starbuck blurted before the doctor
could say anything else. 

The doctor smiled tolerantly at Starbuck. He had learned over the yahrens
he'd spent in medicine that a patient's family was often harder to deal
with than the patient. 

"What is wrong with Captain Apollo? Well, it has a long,
hard-to-pronounce, scientific name. I won't bore you with it. What it is,
is a syndrome, probably caused by a virus, that causes the pain receptors
in the nervous system to misfire. There is no actual damage to the
muscles, but they hurt. The body has to work extra hard to make things
work through the pain, which causes the fatigue you've been feeling,
Apollo.

"There is no cure for the condition, but it shouldn't be completely
disabling. As I said, there is no actual damage to the muscles or joints,
but I'm afraid the pain will always be there. I can give you some nerve
blockers for the worst of it. The best thing you can do is get lots of
rest.  Moderate exercise would be good too - so you don't have to stop
playing Triad if you don't want to." 

The two men hugged in relief.  Chronic pain would not be easy to live
with, but it was not as serious as they had first feared. Apollo shook
hands with Salik and thanked him. 

"Let Starbuck help you out sometimes, Apollo. You're not superhuman.
Things will be a lot easier for you if you let someone else share the
load," the doctor admonished. 

"I know," said Apollo.

"I'll remind him," added Starbuck.

The two warriors exited the Life Center and were surprised to find a group
of people waiting for them. Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh were there,
as were Boomer, Calliope, Cassiopia and Athena. 

Boomer was the first to speak. "So what's the news?" he asked.

"I'm going to be okay," Apollo answered. Then he added, "But I might need
a little help, sometimes." 

"Anything you need, buddy, we're all here for you," Boomer stated, and
there were sounds of agreement from the others. 

Hugs were exchanged, then Apollo mentioned that he was due on patrol. 

"I think we can excuse Apollo from his patrol just this once, don't you,
Tigh?" suggested Adama. 

"As long as it's only once," agreed Tigh. "Ensign Calliope, do you think
you could handle being Lieutenant Boomer's wingman?" 

"I believe I can, sir," answered Calliope.

Tigh looked at Boomer and Calliope. "Well, what are you standing here for?
You have a patrol to do!" 

The two warriors left for their patrol, and Adama turned to Starbuck and
Apollo. "This is wonderful news, Apollo. Do you want to have dinner on the
Rising Star tonight? My treat." 

Apollo turned slightly red. "Could we do it another night? Tonight ...
well, tonight belongs to Starbuck." Starbuck turned redder than his lover
at this statement. 

--------------

Starbuck and Apollo returned to Apollo's quarters - *their* quarters,
Starbuck reminded himself.  They shared them. Boxey had gone to stay with
Cassie and Athena, in the spare room that Starbuck had moved out of.  They
were alone for the first time since their confrontation in the chapel.
Suddenly an awkwardness took over. The two men looked at each other
self-consciously. 

Apollo cleared his throat nervously. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asked
quietly. 

"There's nothing to forgive," Starbuck answered.

"But the way I treated you..." Apollo started to say.

Starbuck stopped him with a finger to his lips. "That's in the past. It's
over. What matters is that we're together now, and we'll be together
forever." 

Suddenly, Apollo sank to the bed and began to cry. Soon he was overtaken
by body-wracking sobs. Starbuck was surprised and stunned. He took his
lover in his arms. "Apollo, whatever it is, it'll be all right. Don't cry,
please. Everything's all right." He could hardly remember seeing Apollo
cry in all the years they'd known each other. Sure, there had been tears
of joy when they'd been sealed, or when Boxey had done something to make
them proud. And yes, he'd seen Apollo cry when Serena died, though not
great heaving sobs like this. And there had been one other time he'd seen
tears from the Captain; when the Cylons had captured Starbuck and then
released him, and he'd arrived on the planet Kobol to a hero's welcome.
Apollo had hugged the daylights out of him, and there had been tears in
his eyes when he'd said, "I thought you were dead." 

Eventually Apollo's sobs quieted and he took a few deep breaths. Starbuck
found a handkerchief and handed it to him. When Apollo had finished
cleaning himself up, the lieutenant asked, "Want to tell me what that was
about?" 

"I'm sorry," Apollo said immediately. Starbuck sighed.

"You don't need to apologize. Just tell me what's wrong. Let me help." 

Apollo took another deep breath. "It's just ... I guess everything hit me
all at once. I haven't really let myself feel anything for sectares. It
had to come out sometime, I guess. And now I feel safe enough to let it." 

Starbuck hugged him. "I understand. You needed that release. I'm glad you
let me be here for you." 

"I don't think I could have done it any other way. I don't think I could
survive without you, Starbuck ... and I don't intend to try." 

"Apollo .. " Starbuck didn't know what to say. So he said nothing, and
held his love a bit more tightly. 

Soon the holding became kissing, and the kissing became touching, and two
very aroused warriors were soon stripped naked. 

Apollo reached into the pocket of the flight jacket that had been
discarded on the floor, and pulled out a small packet. He gave it to
Starbuck, who saw that it was a prophylactic. "In case you were worried,
about, you know..." he said. 

Starbuck tossed it away. "No, I'm not worried. I trust you, and I don't
want there to be anything between us. I want you inside me - and nothing
else." 

Apollo groaned. "Starbuck, we haven't been together like that in a long
time. I don't want to hurt you." 

" 'Pol," answered his lover, "the time we were apart feels like it was
yahrens, but it wasn't really that long. I'm not fragile. I won't break. I
want you to make love to me. Please?" 

"You're sure?"

"If you are. I'll tell you if it hurts, okay?"

"I love you, you know," said Apollo.

"I know," answered Starbuck. "And I love you, too."

Apollo suddenly had the feeling that everything he had ever wished for had
been given to him.  The man that he loved was naked and very *eager* in
his arms.  How could he possibly refuse him anything? He couldn't. So he
didn't. 

Later, when they were lying in each others' arms, Starbuck reached over
and brushed a tear from Apollo's cheek. "What's this for?" he asked. 

"It's because I'm so happy, Bucko," answered Apollo. "We're together.
You're here in bed with me, in my arms. I have everything I want." 

"That's good," replied his mate. "I feel the same." He yawned. "And now, I
feel like sleeping." 

Apollo pulled him closer. "Remember how I was turning away from you when
we slept ... you know, before. I just want you to know that I'll never do
that again." 

Starbuck snuggled into his lover's warm, solid body. "Good. Now go to
sleep." 

Apollo kissed him on top of his head. "Goodnight, my love."

But Starbuck was already asleep. Apollo grinned and soon was asleep
himself. 

END