Apollo sat in the briefing and looked at his wingmate. Really looked at
him. It was as if he were seeing Starbuck for the first time. He didn't
know what had changed. All he could say was that something had, something
very big. The "something" was that he was in love with his best friend,
and he had been for a very long time. That wasn't new; what was new was
that he was now admitting it to himself. 

He couldn't say exactly when he had first fallen hard for the man who was
his wingmate and best friend. Perhaps it had been after the fire, when
Starbuck had leaped off the hull of the ship into space to knock him out
of the way of the explosion, then had hung on to him until they were both
picked up by a shuttle.  Maybe it had been the look on his face after he'd
presented Boxey with a badly-burned but still intact Muffit in Life
Centre. He'd been so pleased to make Boxey happy. Maybe it had been one of
the numerous other occasions when Starbuck had saved his life, or the time
he had offered his own life to the beings in the lightship in exchange for
Apollo's. Apollo hadn't found out about that until Starbuck finally told
him one night when he'd been drinking.

In the yahrens since Serena's death, Apollo had dated his share of women. 
None of the 'relationships' had lasted long enough to deserve the name. 
Many of the women hadn't expected to be confronted with Boxey on the first
date. He'd even heard some of them whispering with their friends about the
possibility of sending Boxey to the Orphan ship 'where he belongs.' They
couldn't understand why he had taken on responsibility for Boxey after
Serena's death when the boy wasn't related to him by blood. 

Other women were the complete opposite: they acted as if their dates with
Apollo were job interviews for the position of mother to Boxey. While he
appreciated the fact that they were willing to care for his son, he had
the impression that they weren't at all interested in him as anything
other than Boxey's father and, of course, the Commander's son. He didn't
feel that Boxey 'needed a mother' as some people kept telling him. He had
plenty of 'aunts' and surrogate mothers among Apollo's family and friends.
He also had plenty of 'uncles', including one very special one: Starbuck.
Boxey had a very strong case of hero worship for his father's wingmate. 

Apollo mentally shook himself back to the present as the briefing ended.
He approached Starbuck in his usual casual manner, trying not to betray
the maelstrom of feelings he was keeping beneath the surface. "How about a
drink in the OC?" he suggested. 

Starbuck grinned, and Apollo thought he would melt. How many times had he
seen that smile? Hundreds? Thousands? Yet it still got to him every time.
"Sounds good to me," the Lieutenant accepted. He casually slung an arm
around Apollo's shoulders as they left the briefing room, and Apollo
wished that the off-duty officer's club was at the other end of the ship,
rather than just a short walk from the briefing room, so that Starbuck
would keep that arm there longer. 

When they were in the OC and getting their drinks, Apollo noticed that his
friend was favouring his right arm slightly. "What's wrong with your arm?"
he asked in concern. The idea that anything would hurt Starbuck disturbed
him. As Starbuck's wingmate it was Apollo's job to protect him, and he
extended that protection to their off-duty centares as well. He knew that
Starbuck did the same for him. 

"Remember that Triad practice you missed yesterday because you had a
meeting with Boxey's teacher? I was working out with Boomer and he got the
better of me at one point. I went down and landed on my arm. It's not
broken or anything, but it still hurts like Hades." 

"I'm sorry," Apollo said immediately, reaching out and rubbing Starbuck's
sore arm. 

"What are you sorry for? You weren't even there."

"That's what I'm sorry for. If I'd been there, you wouldn't have been
hurt." 

"Unless you've perfected a way to be in two places at once, you couldn't
have been there. You had another obligation. And if you have perfected a
way to be in two places at once, I'd love to hear it, because it might
improve my social life." Starbuck hated it when Apollo went on guilt
trips. The man carried enough guilt for two or three lifetimes. He felt
guilty for Serena's being killed. He felt guilty for Starbuck's having
been captured by the Cylons. He felt guilty for not being, in his own
eyes, a good enough father to Boxey. And he felt guilty every time
Starbuck got hurt. The Lieutenant wished there were a way to make his
friend feel better. Right now, though, he was enjoying feeling Apollo rub
his arm. He loved it when Apollo touched him, but he wouldn't tell him
that. He had his own guilt about his feelings for Apollo.

Sitting close to Starbuck, Apollo tried not to show his feelings. He
didn't like to be reminded of his friend's very active social life.
Starbuck had plenty of women in his life. One of them was Apollo's sister
Athena. What would she think if she knew her brother was in love with her
sometime boyfriend?

Starbuck picked up on Apollo's feelings right away. "What's wrong?" he
asked. "Is Boxey's teacher having problems with him?" 

Apollo quickly tried to invent a suitable explanation for his serious
state. "I just worry about him sometimes, you know? It's been almost three
yahrens since Serena died, and I wonder how he's handling it. He doesn't
talk about her very much." 

"Have you tried talking to him about her?" Starbuck asked. He cared very
much for Boxey. He often wished that he, Apollo and Boxey could be a
family. He knew that Apollo took his son's feelings into consideration
when introducing a new woman into their lives, but he still worried that
Boxey would end up with a stepmother who didn't treat him well. 

"That's part of the problem. I was only with her for a short time before
we Sealed, and then the warriors got sick and you went missing and we
found Kobol all at the same time. I didn't have a lot of time to spend
with her, and before I knew it, she was gone." But Starbuck was there. He
had come back. Having Starbuck there when he had been believed to be dead
had taken Apollo's mind completely away from his new wife. "I don't really
have a lot of memories of her to talk about." 

Starbuck mentally sighed. Here was more guilt from Apollo. Of course, he'd
always been like that, even before the Destruction. In the Academy,
Starbuck and Boomer had often joked that if guilt was a commodity traded
on the Colonial Exchange, Apollo would be a very wealthy man. They'd
usually been able to tease and joke him out of his serious moods.
Unfortunately, Starbuck couldn't see any opportunities for humour here. He
tried to think of something helpful to say. Then he had an idea. 

"What about the others who were in the training group with her? Athena,
Bree, Dietra? Maybe they remember things about her. You could ask them,
and if they remember anything you could tell Boxey about it." 

He was rewarded with a smile from Apollo. "That's a great idea," Apollo
told him. "I'll talk to them tomorrow." Then he added, "You know, you'd be
great father someday, Starbuck, if you and Cassie ever decide to have
children." 

His wingmate gave him a sad smile in response. "I don't know if Cassie and
I have much of a future together. At one time I was seriously considering
asking her to Seal with me, but after everything that's happened in the
past few yahrens.... I like her, but I don't think I love her." 

"I'm sorry, Bucko," Apollo said. He was sorry, sort of. He wanted Starbuck
to be happy, and had thought maybe he would be happy with Cassie. Of
course, he really wanted Starbuck to be happy with him, not Cassie. 

Starbuck waved off the words. "It's not a big deal. I'm not ready to
settle down yet, anyway." Okay, that last bit wasn't true. If Apollo had
wanted to settle down with him, he'd have settled happily in a micron. Of
course, Apollo didn't know that. 

Eventually, Apollo had to go home to his son. As he and Starbuck parted
ways, Apollo suddenly decided to throw caution to the non-existent wind.
"I love you, Starbuck," he said impulsively. 

Starbuck was startled but quickly hid his feelings with a trademark
Starbuck smile. He'd longed to hear Apollo say those words for yahrens,
but he knew that the Captain didn't mean them the way he wanted him to. He
meant that he loved Starbuck as a friend. That's what they were: friends.
He squeezed Apollo's shoulder affectionately. "I know that, Pol. You've
always been my best friend."

As he watched Starbuck leave the OC, Apollo felt terribly depressed. He'd
finally told Starbuck how he felt, and his wingmate had misunderstood him.
Maybe it was for the best. He wasn't sure that Starbuck was ready to hear
how he really felt. He'd take things slowly, and maybe one day when he
told Starbuck how he felt his friend would know what he really meant. 

The next time that Apollo and Starbuck saw each other was the next day's
patrol. There was nothing unusual about that. Starbuck inquired about
Boxey, and Apollo told him the things he'd found out from the other women
who had trained as warriors with Serena. "Boxey will enjoy hearing those
stories about his mother's training to be a warrior. He's always had a big
hero-worship thing going on for warriors. I hope he's proud of her." 

"I hope so too," Starbuck answered. "But you know that you're his biggest
hero." 

Apollo snorted. "Yeah, sure."

"Pol, don't you know how Boxey talks about you to his friends? To him
you're the greatest warrior who ever lived." 

"Really?" Apollo asked almost shyly. He worried so often about what Boxey
thought of him. Becoming an instant single parent when Serena was killed
had been difficult. There had been so many times that he'd wished he could
ask her what to do. He'd had the support of his friends and family, of
course, some of whom had children of their own. His father had been
extremely helpful. Starbuck had been the most helpful, to his surprise.
His friend, a confirmed bachelor, had become almost like a second father
to Boxey. 

"Yes, really. For Sagan's sake, Apollo, cut yourself some slack. You will
never be a perfect parent, but as parents go you're a damn good one." 

Apollo took a deep breath and swallowed the lump that had suddenly
appeared in his throat. He wished he could see Starbuck's face right now,
but their vipers were too far apart for them to see each other clearly.
"Thank you," he said simply. He didn't know what else to say. 

"You don't need to thank me for telling the truth, Pol."

That was so very Starbuckian to refuse to accept thanks. The word
"Starbuckian" had been coined many yahrens ago at the Academy and referred
to any actions that seemed to be typical of Starbuck. Apollo didn't know
who had come up with it, but it had stuck. And refusing to accept thanks
was very Starbuckian. Every time Starbuck had saved his life, Apollo had
tried to thank him and Starbuck had never wanted to accept it. During the
fire, when Apollo had caught Starbuck in time to stop him from flying
helpl essly into space, Starbuck had been quick with his thanks, saying
that thank you didn't seem like enough. But when Starbuck risked his own
life to save Apollo's, he'd brushed off the thanks. "I guess I just can't
stand to see you go anywhere without me," he'd said.

As they parted after their patrol, Apollo tried again. "Listen, Starbuck,
thank you. I mean it." 

"What are you thanking me for?" Starbuck asked. Didn't he know?

"For what you said about my being a good parent. And for the suggestion
about asking the other warriors about Serena." 

"I already told you that you don't need to thank me."

"I want to thank you," Apollo replied. "So thank you. See you tomorrow for
Triad practice?" 

"Yeah," Starbuck muttered. He seemed embarrassed.

"And Star?" Apollo used the nickname that no one else used.

"What?"

"I love you."

Starbuck seemed even more embarrassed, but he smiled. Apollo wondered what
that smile hid. 

"That's good to know, Pol. Thanks." And Starbuck walked away.

When he was alone, or as alone as he could get in the Bachelor Officers
Quarters, Starbuck thought about Apollo's words. He'd said 'I love you'
again. Why did he keep saying that? Of course, he couldn't know how much
Starbuck wished he meant it. Well, that wasn't fair; he most likely did
mean it, just not the way Starbuck wanted him to mean it. He wanted to
tell Apollo that he loved him, too, but he didn't know if he could say the
words without revealing his secret longings to his wingmate. So he hadn't
said anything. His greatest fear was that if Apollo ever found out about
his true feelings, he would end their friendship. Starbuck didn't know if
he could survive without Apollo. How could anyone survive when part of
them was missing? He pushed that thought away. He wasn't going to lose
Apollo. 

At least, he sincerely hoped not.

The next day, Starbuck discovered that Apollo once again had to cancel
their Triad practice. "I'm really sorry about this, Star," his partner
told him over the Stellar Com. "Boxey's sick. I have to stay with him."
Apollo hated having to cancel their practice. The last time he'd done
that, Starbuck had gotten hurt. 

"I understand, Pol. Is there anything either of you needs?" Starbuck
asked. 

"No, we're okay. But thanks for asking."

Starbuck tried to refrain from dismissing the thanks. "What are friends
for?" he asked. When Apollo closed the connection, Starbuck had an idea.
He went to one of the shops that had been set up on one of the Fleet's
ships and bought some children's books and games. Then he took them to
Apollo's quarters. 

"What are you doing here?" Apollo asked in astonishment when Starbuck
arrived at his quarters. "Not that I'm not happy to see you," he added
quickly. "It's just a surprise." 

"How's Boxey?" Starbuck asked in concern.

"He'll be okay. It's just a virus that's going around, a childhood thing.
He's pretty miserable, but not seriously ill." 

"Well, maybe some of these will cheer him up." Starbuck showed Apollo the
things he'd bought. 

Apollo felt a rush of love for his wingmate then. "You didn't have to do
that," he said. "You didn't need to buy him anything. But thank you." He
expected Starbuck to brush him off or make a joke, but to his surprise the
Lieutenant became serious. 

"Pol, when I was a kid and got sick, I didn't have anyone to bring me
presents or even to come and visit me. I was looked after in the orphanage
infirmary by people who couldn't have cared less about me. If Boxey has to
be sick, he should at least have something to take his mind off the fact
that he feels like absolute felgercarb." 

"I love you, you know," Apollo told him.

"I know," Starbuck answered with his usual Starbuckian grin. "And I love
you, because you're my best friend, and my wingmate, and a pretty good
Triad partner. I love Boxey too. You know that I do." 

"I know. Go and see him. He'll love those games, as long as you stay long
enough to play at least one of them with him." Apollo was pleased to hear
Starbuck say that he loved him, but that pleasure was tempered by the
disappointment of hearing that Starbuck only loved him as his best
friend. 

"I'll play a game with him, sure, but you're going to play too," Starbuck
insisted. "Games are more fun with more people to play them." 

The three of them played one game and were beginning another when the Red
Alert sounded. Apollo refrained - barely - from swearing in front of
Boxey. "I always knew the Cylons had bad timing," he muttered. Out of
Boxey's hearing he wondered, "How can I find a sitter now?" 

"Pol, you don't need a sitter. You stay here with Boxey. He needs you more
than we do right now. I'll take over the Squadron for you and tell Colonel
Tigh that you can't fly right now, that Boxey needs you. You can use the
computer to keep tabs on us from here." Dr. Wilker had recently installed
a program on the intra ship computer system that allowed senior officers
to track their squadrons even when they were in their own quarters. 

Apollo was torn. He wanted to stay with Boxey, but didn't want Starbuck to
fly without him. "You're sure?" he asked. 

"I'm sure." Starbuck hugged Boxey goodbye. He was tempted to do the same
to Apollo but settled for clapping a hand on his shoulder. He could tell
how worried Apollo was already. He knew that he would feel the same if his
friend was flying without him. "I'll come back," he promised. "I always
do." 

Apollo squeezed Starbuck's hand where it lay on his shoulder. "Be safe,"
he said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I love you." 

Hearing the catch in his wingmate's voice as he said the words made
Starbuck pause for a moment. "I love you too, Pol. I'll be back before you
know it." 

As he headed to the viper bay, Starbuck hoped he had done the right thing
by telling Apollo to stay with Boxey. The Captain would never miss a
battle, or even a routine patrol, if he could help it. But he didn't want
Apollo out there in a viper with half his mind on Boxey. Better for him to
be with Boxey with half his mind on the squadron. 

In his quarters, Apollo waited until Boxey was asleep before he turned on
his computer to keep track of the battle. Each of the fleet's vipers had
its own unique energy signature, thanks to a locator device designed to
help the Bridge locate crashed ships. Apollo knew the signature of each
viper in Blue Squadron - especially Starbuck's. 

The battle was a tough one, but the warriors of Blue fought hard. At some
point, Starbuck's viper was struck a glancing blow from one of the Cylon
ships, but he ignored it as he concentrated on blasting as many Centurions
as he could from the sky. 

On the Bridge, Omega, who was keeping track of the vipers, noticed that
the energy signature from Starbuck's viper wasn't showing up on the ship's
scanners anymore. He contacted Boomer. "Galactica bridge to Lt. Boomer.
What's your status?" 

"Why are you asking me?" Boomer wanted to know. "Why aren't you asking
Starbuck?" 

"His viper has gone off our sensors," Omega stated. He didn't add, and
we're afraid he's been killed. 

"And you want to know if he's all right?" Boomer asked. "His viper was hit
and suffered some minor damage - the shot must have disabled the viper's
energy signature - but otherwise he's fine." Boomer patched through to
Starbuck's viper.  "Bucko, the Bridge is having trouble keeping track of
you - that last Cylon shot disabled your viper's homing device." 

There was a sigh of relief on the Bridge as Starbuck's voice came over the
radio giving Blue's status report. 

Apollo, keeping track of his squadron from the computer in his quarters,
saw Starbuck's viper disappear from the scanner. He searched for it, but
to no avail. He tried not to panic. Starbuck couldn't be gone. He would
know if anything had happened to him. But he couldn't quell the fear
entirely. Finally, he called the Bridge. 

Commander Adama took the call from his son. Starbuck had told him to
expect to hear from Apollo. He knew that his wingmate would worry about
him, especially if his energy signature wasn't showing up on the ship's
scanners. "Apollo, Starbuck is fine." 

"How did you know that's what I was going to ask?" 

"I know you, Apollo, and so does Starbuck. When we told him that we'd lost
his viper's energy signature, he told me that you'd be concerned because
you were following the squadron using Dr. Wilker's new program. He asked
me to let you know that he's all right but his viper was struck a glancing
blow that disabled the homing device." 

"Thank God," Apollo breathed in relief.

"Tell you what, son. When the battle is over, why don't I come down there
and stay with Boxey while you meet your squadron in the landing bay?" 

Apollo wondered how much his father knew about his feelings for Starbuck.
He decided not to worry about it, and accepted the offer. 

As Blue Squadron returned to the Galactica, Starbuck wasn't surprised to
see that Apollo was there waiting for him. He'd asked the Commander to
tell Apollo that he was all right as soon as he'd discovered his viper
wasn't showing up on the scanners, because he knew that his wingmate would
worry about him. He hadn't had much time to think about Apollo's words to
him as he'd left his friend's quarters, but he was certain he'd heard
something in Apollo's voice, something that gave him hope that perhaps the
two of them had a future together after all. 

As he waited in the landing bay for Starbuck, Apollo once again thanked
the gods that his wingmate was all right. The few centons between the time
Starbuck's viper had vanished from the sensors and Adama's reassurance
that Starbuck was fine had been some of the worst he could remember since
the last time he'd thought he'd lost Starbuck. Back then he'd been married
to Serena, so he hadn't told Starbuck how he felt. This time he intended
to let Starbuck know just how much he meant to him. No more missed
opportunities, no more assumptions, no more letting Starbuck believe he
loved him only as a friend. It was time to tell the truth. 

Starbuck left his viper and saw Apollo approaching him, so he hurried to
meet him. His friend looked serious. Before he knew it, Apollo had caught
him up in the biggest hug of his life. He hugged Starbuck even harder than
he had that time on Kobol, which, if Starbuck remembered correctly, was
the last time that Apollo had hugged him. He hoped that the hugs would be
more frequent in the future. He didn't want to wait until he had another
near-death experience to get another hug from this man. 

"I thought I'd lost you," Apollo murmured.

"I'm hard to get rid of," Starbuck answered.

"Well, I don't ever want to be rid of you," his wingmate told him. "I love
you." Before Starbuck could respond to his words, Apollo kissed him to
demonstrate what he really meant. 

After his surprise had worn off, Starbuck returned the kiss. The two
warriors kissed for a few centons, and when they finally broke apart
Starbuck asked, "Pol, when you said you loved me all those times, is this
the kind of love you meant?" 

"It is," Apollo answered. "At first I was going to let you think that I
meant I loved you the way a friend would, a brotherly way, but when I came
so close to losing you today..." 

Starbuck cut him off with another kiss. "It's okay, Pol. You didn't lose
me. I love you too. I always have. I've wanted to hear you say that you
love me for so long. I couldn't believe that you meant it this way. I
thought it was too much to hope for." 

"You love me?" Apollo asked with tears in his eyes. He'd heard Starbuck
say it, but still he could barely believe it. 

"I love you very much."

They kissed some more until Starbuck eventually said, "Pol, I'm sure there
are better places to do this than in the middle of the landing bay." 

So they went to Apollo's quarters, where they found a note from the
Commander that said, "Apollo and Starbuck, I've taken Boxey to spend the
night with me. Don't worry. I know how to care for the Caprican flu." 

The two men looked at each other. "He knows?" Starbuck asked.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he knew before we did," Apollo answered.
"Remember, he's known both of us for a very long time." Then he asked,
"Will you stay here tonight?" 

"Of course," Starbuck answered. "There's nowhere I'd rather be than where
you are." 

"Will you stay forever?" Apollo asked. "I know you said you're not ready
to settle down." 

"Not ready to settle down with anyone but you, is what I meant," Starbuck
told him. "Nothing would make me happier than to live with you and Boxey
and be a family." 

"We're already a family," Apollo told him. "Now we'll just make it
official." 

"Official? You mean...?"

"I mean, will you marry me, Starbuck?"

The Starbuckian grin was back, but this time it wasn't hiding anything.
"Yes, I will marry you, Apollo. I love you." 

"I love you too. Come to bed and I'll show you how much."

The two warriors started their new lives together that night as two
friends and two true lovers. 

END