Commander Adama watched his two best warriors with concern. One was his son, the other, his son's closest friend, a young man Adama privately considered another son. He didn't think Starbuck knew he thought that way; the Lieutenant didn't let many people get close to him. Apollo was an exception. Only lately, Starbuck and Apollo hadn't been getting along. This was the source of Adama's concern. He'd been glad to see Starbuck become friends with his son. Lords knew, Apollo needed some loosening up. And Starbuck provided it. Two men more different you couldn't hope to see, at least on the surface, but their differences complemented each other. Perhaps that was what was leading to their disagreements lately. At first Adama had found it amusing to watch the two warriors. Their arguing seemed almost like that of an old married couple. But lately it had become more serious; Colonel Tigh had brought them up on disciplinary charges for fighting. Someone had to intervene before those two destroyed their friendship completely. They needed each other; Adama was certain of that. After Serina died, Adama had thanked the Gods for Starbuck, who had brought Apollo back to the land of the living instead of allowing him to remain in isolation. Apollo had done the same for Starbuck when Cassiopia had broken off her relationship with him. Something had to be done, and Adama would be the one to do it. For their parts, Starbuck and Apollo were equally in the dark as to the problem in their relationship. Neither of them knew how the trouble had started. There must have been something, somewhere, a thoughtless remark, perhaps, a slight, something that had started this series of silly, pointless arguments, these disagreements that continued to escalate. Neither had expected they would come to blows. But, somehow, they had. It had started innocently enough. The members of Blue Squadron had been changing out of their pressure suits after patrol. Starbuck had been bragging about his latest conquest - one he had completely invented, but the other warriors didn't need to know that. Apollo had made a sarcastic remark to the effect of, "Some of us don't need to brag about our lovers." Starbuck had snapped back, "Some of us don't have lovers to brag about." "I haven't seen you with anyone lately, Bucko. Are you sure this woman really exists and isn't just one of your fantasies?" Starbuck had responded with words he'd instantly regretted the moment he'd said them: "Better a fantasy than a ghost." That was when Apollo had swung at him. He hadn't missed, either. Starbuck still sported a lovely bruise on his cheek from that. Of course, he'd had to hit back, and the fight had escalated from there. Boomer had finally stepped in and separated them, but not before Colonel Tigh had heard the commotion and come to see what was keeping his warriors from their briefing. That was how they'd ended up on charges. The Commander's son on charges! Adama would *not* be pleased. But they'd deserved it, they both admitted that. Apollo had been summoned to see his father. He'd expected that. Adama had gotten straight to the point. "What happened, Apollo?" "I got into a fight." "Yes, I can see that! You got into a fight with Starbuck, of all people! I thought Starbuck was your friend." "He was," Apollo answered. Adama noted his use of the past tense. "What happened between the two of you?" the Commander persisted. "Is it really any of your business?" "It is when it affects the conduct of my warriors." "It won't happen again. May I go now?" "Apollo, if something's wrong, you know you can talk to me." "Nothing's wrong." "Are you certain about that?" Adama asked him. "Yes. May I go?" "All right. You can go." Meanwhile, Starbuck stood before Colonel Tigh. "Would you like to tell me what happened, Starbuck?" the Colonel asked. "Not much to tell. I got into a fight." "With Captain Apollo." "Yeah, with Apollo." "Why?" Starbuck shrugged. "He didn't like my bragging." "That's all?" "That's what started it. I said something I shouldn't have. Apollo had every right to hit me." Tigh could tell that Starbuck was hurting. He wished he knew how to help him. "Starbuck, what's been going on between you and Apollo lately? It's obvious that the two of you aren't getting along." The warrior sighed. "I wish I knew, Colonel. I really wish I knew." Later that evening, Starbuck approached Apollo's quarters with apprehension. He owed the other man an apology. He shouldn't have made that remark about 'ghosts.' He knew better than that. Sure, he wished that Apollo could let go of Serina's memory - wished that Apollo's attention was focused on him and not on his dead wife. But what he'd said had been cruel and thoughtless. "Starbuck!" Apollo exclaimed in surprise when he saw who was at his door. He quickly schooled his features into a neutral expression. "What are you doing here?" "Can I come in?" "I'd rather you didn't," Apollo answered. "I'll ask you again - why are you here?" "I came to apologize for what I said this afternoon. It was uncalled for. I'm sorry." "Did Colonel Tigh tell you to come here and apologize to me?" "No!" Starbuck exclaimed. "No one told me to apologize. I came here completely on my own. I felt bad about what I said. I'm sorry." Apollo stood and looked at his friend. Friend? Was Starbuck still his friend? Neither of them had been acting very friendly to the other lately. He'd been surprised at Starbuck's words that afternoon. They'd been uncomfortably close to the truth. Which is why he'd been so angry. Yes, he'd used Serina's death as an excuse to not get close to anyone - especially not to Starbuck. "Is that all you have to say?" he asked. "Isn't it enough?" Starbuck asked. *No,* Apollo wanted to answer. *Nothing will ever be enough. Nothing except your saying you love me as much as I love you.* Out loud, he said, "I suppose so. Goodnight, Starbuck." "That's all you have to say?" Starbuck asked. "What do you want me to say?" Apollo asked. *How about that you love me?* Starbuck wanted to say in response. "That you accept my apology, maybe? That you want to talk about why we've been at each other's throats lately?" "I don't have time to talk to you tonight. Maybe some other time." *Like when Hades freezes over.* "All right," Starbuck sighed, and left. But a secton went by and Apollo didn't seem ready to talk. Starbuck was at his wits' end, and it showed in his continuing to snap at his wingman. Apollo didn't behave any better. He criticized Starbuck for any slight infraction of the rules, any breach of protocol, behavior he had at one time tolerated. Their friends, Boomer and Jolly, mainly, tried to talk to them. However, one thing the two had in common was abundant stubbornness. Neither Starbuck or Apollo would talk, but they tried to leave their dispute outside of duty hours as much as possible. Which is why they were surprised by a summons from the Commander. "Starbuck, Apollo," Adama greeted them when they arrived in his office. "Sit down. I want to talk to the two of you." The two warriors looked at each other, shrugged, and sat. "It's been quite obvious lately, to both myself and Colonel Tigh, that the two of you aren't getting along. Is that an accurate description of your behavior?" "I suppose so," muttered Apollo. "Yes, sir," answered Starbuck reluctantly. "Can either of you tell me why it is that you're not getting along?" "Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because Starbuck seems to have no grasp of the concept of rules and regulations," Apollo said sarcastically. "Or maybe because the Captain here has a steel rod permanently implanted in his ass," replied Starbuck. Then he blushed. "Sorry, Commander." At times like this he tended to forget - or ignore - the fact that Apollo was Adama's son as well as his Strike Captain. Adama gave each of them a stern look. "I have an assignment for the two of you," he announced. Starbuck stifled a groan. "I'd rather a different officer worked with me, sir," Apollo said. "No, this assignment is specifically for the two of you. There's an uninhabited planet in this sector suitable for maintaining human life. It's quite barren. I'm sending you down there with a secton's worth of basic supplies and you are going to stay there until you work out your problems. Consider it taking your Ordeal over again." The Ordeal was something that every cadet had to go through in his or her final year - cadets were sent out in pairs to the desert with only the most basic of supplies. The two cadets had to learn to rely on each other to survive. Both men tried to protest, but Adama was just as stubborn as his son. His mind was made up. "Meet Athena in the shuttle bay tonight at 1800. She'll take you to the planet and pick you up at the end of your Ordeal. Dismissed." "But - but" Starbuck stammered. "What about the Fleet?" Apollo asked. "You can get pretty far in a secton." "Because no Cylon activity has been detected in this sector, I believe it will be safe to slow the fleet for awhile. It will also save fuel." Both warriors knew when they'd been outgunned. They had no choice. "What about Boxey?" Apollo wanted to know. "Boxey will take turns staying with me and Athena," Adama answered. He checked the time. "Speaking of Boxey, you should go spend some time with him before you leave." Apollo left to do as his father suggested. Starbuck remained behind for a centon. "Sir, why are you doing this?" he asked. "Because I care about you and Apollo, Starbuck. Not only are the two of you my best warriors, you're also my family, the only family I have left. This dispute of yours is threatening to tear that family apart, and I won't let that happen." "Commander, I'm not your family." "Yes, Starbuck, you are," Adama answered. "Ila and I always considered you to be one of our children." Starbuck didn't know what to say. Family. He'd never had a family before. Adama patted his shoulder. "Go get ready, Starbuck." Apollo arrived at the shuttle bay before Starbuck. His sister was there to meet him. "So, Dad pulled rank on you, huh?" she teased. Apollo glowered at her but said nothing. "Cheer up, big brother," Athena laughed. "Hey, I'd be thrilled to be stuck on a deserted planet with Starbuck for a secton. That is if we didn't wind up killing each other before the secton was over. Consider yourself fortunate." Her brother stared at her in astonishment. Surely she didn't know how he felt about Starbuck! "Don't look so shocked, Apollo. I'm not blind. I can see how you look at him when you think no one's watching. This is your chance, Apollo - tell him the truth. " He was saved from answering by Starbuck's arrival. "Hey, Theni," said the blond warrior, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Too bad you're not spending the next secton alone with me, hmm?" Athena laughed. "I think you'll be just fine with my brother, Starbuck," was all she said. Once they were alone on the planet, the two warriors began work. "What shall we do first?" Starbuck asked. Apollo shrugged. "Set up camp, I suppose." Since the trees on the planet were too small and flimsy for use in building shelter, they'd been provided with the materials to build a makeshift tent - only one, Apollo noted. Surely it was just a coincidence. No matter what Athena said, Apollo couldn't believe his father knew of his feelings for his wingman. "You never stop, do you?" Apollo asked Starbuck as they worked on their shelter. "Stop what?" the Lieutenant asked. "Flirting with women." "What's wrong with flirting? Who does it hurt?" Starbuck asked. "Well, if the woman doesn't know you're not serious ... " "Who says I'm not serious about Athena?" Apollo's heart raced. Surely Starbuck wasn't getting back with his sister. He couldn't stand it if the man he was in love with became his brother-in-law. "Are you? Serious about her?" "No," Starbuck answered and Apollo's heart slowed to normal. "She knows I'm just playing. We both know we're not meant to be together. We'd kill each other the first secton we were married." Once their shelter had been erected, Apollo heard Starbuck's stomach growl. "Time to eat," he announced. "I'll get us some fire wood." So far, so good, Starbuck thought. Neither of them had made any smart remarks and they seemed to be getting along, though Apollo was acting more like a stranger than his best friend. Except for his remark about Starbuck's flirting. Why would his flirting bother Apollo so much? As they ate their meal, Apollo attempted to make polite conversation. "How did you do on your Ordeal at the Academy?" he asked. Starbuck's expression turned to stone. "Not well," was all he said. "What happened? You kill your partner?" Apollo joked. "You could say that," Starbuck answered. His voice sounded strained. Apollo's tone of voice softened. "Want to tell me about it?" he asked in concern. He sounded like Starbuck's old friend then, for the first time in sectares. "My partner, Niko - his real name was Niklaren but I always called him Niko - was bitten by a poisonous snake the night before we were to return. I called for help, but the poison worked too fast. He died in my arms." Apollo stood and walked around the campfire, then sat beside his friend. "What happened after that?" he asked. Starbuck sighed. "There was an inquiry. They said I didn't do anything wrong. In fact they decided I'd passed the Ordeal, and that Niko had too - not that it did him much good. After that they decided to hold the Ordeal somewhere where there were no poisonous snakes, but they included antivenom in the survival kits just in case." To his embarrassment tears were running down his cheeks. He wiped at them. "I'm sorry - I haven't talked about this in yahrens." Apollo found himself slipping an arm around Starbuck's shoulders. "It's all right," he said. "There's nothing to be ashamed of." "I loved him," Starbuck stated. "Loved who?" Apollo asked in confusion. "Niko. I loved him, and I watched him die." Starbuck was sobbing now. He hadn't cried over Niko at the time. He'd never cried over Niko actually. He'd hardly cried at all since being taken to the orphanage as a child. It was safer that way. Since then, in fact, he could only remember crying once - when he'd thought that Apollo was dead. Apollo took his friend into his arms. He'd never seen Starbuck cry before. One time, after Count Iblis had been on the Galactica, he remembered seeing Starbuck's face looking suspiciously wet, Sheba's too - but they both had said that nothing was wrong. "It's all right," he whispered to the sobbing man in his arms. "It's okay. You can cry. You're safe, I've got you and I won't let you go." Starbuck had loved a man. Well, a boy, really, they'd still been cadets. But still, a member of his own sex. Surely he meant he'd loved Niko as a friend, a brother? What if he didn't? And what if he still loved him? "Don't leave me, Apollo," Starbuck was sobbing. "Don't die again. Don't leave me. I lost Niko. I couldn't stand it if I lost you too." Die again? What was Starbuck talking about? He continued to hold the other man. "I won't leave you. I'm not going anywhere. You won't lose me. I love you, Starbuck." Oh frack. He'd said it out loud. He wanted to run, wanted to hide, wanted to get as far away from Starbuck as possible. But he'd just promised not to leave. So he sat and waited for Starbuck to settle down and stop crying. Eventually the blond man's sobs subsided and Apollo released him. Starbuck sat up and took a few deep breaths. He was exhausted. He felt as if he'd run for hectares. He looked at his friend. Apollo had said he loved him. Had he meant it? "Um, Pol, about what you said ..." Apollo stood and grabbed a shovel. "I'm going for a walk," he announced. "I'll find a place to dig our privy." At the look on Starbuck's face, he added. "I'll be back. When I come back, we can talk." And he walked away. He knew he was only delaying the inevitable. When he came back, Starbuck would most likely tell him that he cared about him and that he was his best friend, but that he didn't feel *that way* about him. And he'd probably say in return that he loved Starbuck as a friend, and only as a friend. He'd be lying, of course. Starbuck watched Apollo leave with apprehension. Apollo had said he loved him, and then he'd walked away. What had he meant? The love of a friend, a brother? Or the love of a lover? He'd taken a risk telling Apollo how he'd felt about Niko. He'd hoped to get some idea of Apollo's feelings towards men who loved other men. Would he be completely disgusted? He hadn't seemed that way at fir. He'd held Starbuck and said he wouldn't leave him, and said he loved him. But then he'd walked away. Starbuck was tired. He pulled out his bedroll, took it into the tent and lay down. He'd sleep for awhile, and maybe when he woke up, things would make more sense. Apollo finished digging. One thing he'd always hated about camping - outdoor toilets. He much preferred a nice, clean turboflush. But he was stuck here, and this would have to do. At least the physical activity gave him the chance to work off some tension. Over and over, the same thoughts kept running through his mind. Starbuck had loved another man. Starbuck had begged him, Apollo, not to leave. He'd said he couldn't stand to lose Apollo the way he'd lost Niko. What if he was still in love with Niko? What if he wasn't? Frack this. He had to go talk to Starbuck and tell him the truth. He tossed his shovel aside and headed back to the camp. Starbuck was asleep in the tent when the sound woke him. It sounded like a cry of pain. Apollo! He was instantly awake. Apollo had been hurt. His heart pounded in terror. He couldn't let this happen again. He'd lost Niko. He wouldn't lose Apollo too. He'd already lost him once. The demon Diabolis had killed him. But he'd come back. If anything happened to him this time, Starbuck didn't think he would be able to survive. He grabbed the medical kit and hurried in the direction he'd seen Apollo go. As he was running back to camp - back to Starbuck - Apollo tripped on a tree root and went flying. He landed hard in a rocky patch of soil, shouting in surprise and pain as he landed hard on one side. Frack. Wasn't that just his luck. Apollo tried to stand and muffled another shout as his right leg gave way underneath him. Well, that was just great. How was he supposed to get back to camp now? Starbuck would come looking for him eventually, he supposed. He'd just have to wait. He leaned against a small tree and waited. Starbuck ran through the trees, heart in his throat. He hadn't heard anything else from Apollo. Was he hurt? Was he unconscious? What could have happened to him? He didn't recall seeing any kind of animal life in the area. Surely Adama wouldn't have sent them down here if there was anything dangerous. He called out, "Apollo?" "Starbuck!" came the response. "Over here!" Starbuck hurried toward the sound of Apollo's voice. Apollo had answered him. That must mean he wasn't too badly hurt ... He saw the Captain leaning against a tree and ran to him. "Are you all right?" he asked, too worried to be able to hide it. "I tripped over something and twisted my leg," Apollo answered, indicating the injured leg. "Got something I can use to wrap it?" "Let me," Starbuck told him, taking the necessary supplies out of the med kit. "Gods, Apollo, I heard you yell, and I was so worried ...don't ever do that to me again!" Apollo squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I was more surprised than anything. I was on my way to talk to you, and I wasn't expecting to suddenly go flying." "You were on your way to talk to me?" Starbuck asked as he finished wrapping Apollo's injured leg. "Yes. I shouldn't have run off like I did. I really owe you the truth." "What's the truth?" Starbuck asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer. "That I love you - that I'm in love with you. I can understand if you don't feel the same way - I know you loved Niko, I don't know if you loved him as a lover, but-" Starbuck put his hand up. "Apollo, stop talking," he said with a laugh. "It's my turn." Apollo stopped talking. "I love you, Pol. I'm *in love* with you. And yes, I was in love with Niko. Just like you were in love with Serina. And Niko is dead, and so is Serina. It's time for both of us to move on, don't you think?" Without saying anything, Apollo pulled Starbuck into an embrace and simply held him for several centons. When he finally spoke, he asked, "So, why have we been treating each other like felgercarb lately?" "Well, I have a couple of ideas about that," answered his lover, snuggling more deeply into the embrace. "You remember when you were a kid in school, if there was a girl you liked - or a boy," he added with a grin, "you always treated them badly? Pulled their hair, called them names, stuff like that? And you didn't want anyone to know you liked them. Maybe that's what we've been doing." "It's possible. Or maybe we've just been too scared to reveal our feelings to each other, so we've been pushing each other away." "I think you're right," Starbuck agreed. Reluctantly leaving Apollo's arms, he stood and offered his hand to the other man. "Think you can stand?" Apollo took the proffered hand and pulled himself up, then leaned on Starbuck while they made their way back to camp. When they arrived, he looked at the tent. "So, I wonder if my father knew," he wondered. "Knew what?" "About us. About our being in love and being too stubborn to say anything." "What makes you say that?" Starbuck asked. "One tent. One *very small* tent." "I always knew your father was a very intelligent man," Starbuck commented. "So, shall we make use of it?" "I thought you'd never ask," Apollo replied with a smile. Later, when they were spent and lying in each other's arms inside the tent, Apollo again brought up the subject of Niko. "Do you know if he had any family?" "I don't know. I never asked him about his family. He knew I didn't have one, so he didn't bring up the subject. But when we get back to the Galactica, I think I'll take a look in the computer - see if he did have a family, see if they survived the Destruction." "What will you do if you find out he did have a family? What if they're in the fleet?" "Then I'll go see them, and talk to them. They should hear about his last centares, hear that he was happy. They deserve closure." "So do you, love," Apollo told him, laying a soft kiss on his temple. "Would you like me to come with you?" "Would you? I'd appreciate that." "I'm by your side, love. I'll always be there. You can count on me. Just call my name, I'll come running." Starbuck stretched and peered out of the tent. "Guess what. It's morning. I think you'd better show me where that privy you dug is." After the two warriors had made their way to the privy and sat at their campfire eating their morning meal, Apollo commented, "We've only been here one day. What are we going to do the rest of the secton until Athena comes to get us?" Starbuck grinned and threw a look toward the tent. "I have a few ideas," he said, and whispered something in Apollo's ear. "Those sound like very good ideas," his lover responded. And they spent the rest of the secton trying them out. END