Captain Apollo was worried. He and Lt. Starbuck were on what should have been a routine patrol when they ran into some Cylon ships. Now they were in a fight for their lives. The Galactica had scrambled Blue Squadron to help them out, but it would take at least a few centons for the vipers to get here, and in the meantime, he wasn't sure how long two pilots could hold them off. Starbuck shot a Cylon off his tail. Thank the gods that Starbuck was with him. His wingman was the best pilot in the fleet. He looked ahead of him and realized that he was about to come face to face with another Cylon. He tried to fire, but his lasers chose that moment to jam. He pressed the firing button uselessly. "Goodbye, old buddy. I love you," he whispered, knowing that Starbuck wouldn't hear him. He prepared to meet his death. Just then a viper flew directly between his ship and the Cylon, just as the latter started firing. Starbuck's viper was hit a few glancing blows, but he finished off the Cylon with a few quick shots of his own. Apollo grabbed the radio. "Starbuck, what the frac do you think you're doing?" There was a chuckle from the Lieutenant. "You're welcome, Apollo. " Before he could say anything else, Blue Squadron arrived and he was too busy giving orders to deal with Starbuck. The squadron covered the two of them while they took their damaged vipers back to the Galactica. The two pilots went through decontamination and then had to deal with all the paperwork and reports that came with any encounter with the Cylons. They reported to Col. Tigh for debriefing, and saw to repairs on their vipers. Then Apollo had to debrief Blue Squadron when they returned. Sometime during the briefing, he realized that Starbuck wasn't there. After he'd dismissed the pilots, he went in search of his friend and found him in the Officer's Lounge, surrounded as always by his squadron mates, regaling them with tales of the battle they'd just fought. Placing a hand on the blond man's shoulder, Apollo said, "Starbuck, can I talk to you for a centon?" "Oh oh, Starbuck, what have you done to get in trouble this time?" laughed one of the other warriors. "Starbuck isn't in trouble," Apollo replied with a forced smile. "I just need to go over some reports with him." Starbuck was surprised when Apollo led him to his quarters instead of to his office. "What's up, Apollo?" the Lieutenant asked when they were alone. "Starbuck, what were you thinking with that insane stunt you pulled out there today?" Apollo sounded angry and frightened. "You mean saving your life?" Starbuck answered calmly. "I mean nearly getting yourself killed!" Apollo shouted back. Starbuck shrugged. "It's a risk we all take, Apollo, every time we go out on patrol." "Taking risks is one thing, Bucko, getting yourself blown up by flying between me and a Cylon is another!" "What, I was supposed to just sit there and let you get killed? Anyway, I didn't get blown up, did I? I'm still here." Yes, Starbuck was still here. Apollo's greatest fear hadn't happened. But it could have. "You could have died," the Captain said softly, collapsing into a chair. "So?" "SO?!" Apollo exclaimed. "Starbuck, if anything happened to you ... if I lost you ..." He let his voice trail off. He'd said too much already. He waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal. "Look, why don't you just go back to the Officer's Club." Starbuck was completely bewildered but he knew he wasn't going to leave. Not when his friend was obviously in pain. He didn't know what was causing Apollo's pain, but he was determined to find out. He approached the other man carefully. "Apollo ..." "Starbuck, just leave, before I say something I'll regret." The Lieutenant laughed. "Apollo, how long have we known each other? How many yahrens? We've said plenty of things to each other that we regretted later, but we're still friends. There's nothing you can say to me that could make me stop lo - er, make me stop being your friend." Apollo made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a snort. *Oh yes, there is, Starbuck. I may not have said it yet, but it's there,* he said to himself. "You don't know what I was going to say, Starbuck. There are some things that you're better off not knowing. Now please, just go. Go back to the Officers' Club and forget we even had this conversation." "No," stated the blond warrior firmly. "No?" "No. You're my friend, and you're in pain. Something's wrong, and I'm not leaving you until I find out what it is." "Bucko, sometimes there are things that I don't share with you. Private things. Personal things. Believe it or not, I don't tell you everything about my life." "So you're telling me that you have a secret," Starbuck observed. "I suppose you could put it like that. My personal life just isn't an open book the way yours is," Apollo answered him. So Apollo had a secret, and apparently it was something so terrible he thought he would lose Starbuck's friendship if he revealed it. A possibility occurred to the Lieutenant. He hoped it was true. If it wasn't, he would be in big trouble. "Actually, I have a secret too, Apollo. If I tell you what my secret is, maybe it will make you feel better about yours." "You think so, do you? So what's your big secret?" Starbuck crouched next to Apollo's chair. "I'm in love with you, Apollo. I have been for yahrens. Don't ask me why I never told you. I don't really know, except that I didn't want to lose your friendship." Apollo swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "Is that why you flew between me and the Cylon when we were on patrol?" he asked. "Yes," Starbuck answered. "I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you, Apollo. No matter how risky it seemed, I had to do something, even if meant getting myself killed." He held his breath, waiting for a response. Apollo reached out and gathered Starbuck into his arms. "Oh, Starbuck," he sighed. "I love you. If I lost you, I'd die." Starbuck released the breath he'd been holding. "You won't lose me, 'Pol. I promise." Then he kissed his love gently. Rising from his seat, Apollo held out his hand. "Come with me," he said. Taking the proffered hand, Starbuck followed the other man into the bedroom. "Boxey is with Athena tonight," Apollo told him before he could ask. "We're alone." He started to remove Starbuck's jacket. Starbuck kissed Apollo firmly, and the two men undressed each other. They took their time. There was no rush. When both were naked, they took a moment to simply look at each other. It wasn't as if they'd never seen each other with no clothes on before. They'd dressed and undressed in communal officers' quarters plenty of times, and shared showers after Triad matches. But this was different. Now they had permission to explore each others' bodies freely. No surreptitious glances anymore. Apollo pulled his lover to the bed and rolled on top of him. Starbuck was surprised. He usually took the lead in bed. But then again, he'd never been with Apollo this way before. He realized he had no idea what the Captain was like in bed, what he liked, what he didn't like, what his fantasies were. He had a feeling that Apollo was about to show him, however. And show him Apollo did. The dark haired man kissed, touched, sucked and licked him until he was almost insane with desire. "Please, Apollo ... please ..." he found himself begging. Apollo slipped a finger inside him. "Can I ... ?" he asked. "YES!" Starbuck almost shouted. Then he added in a more normal voice. "Yes. Please. I want you. I want you inside me." He didn't normally bottom, but this was Apollo. This was the only one he had ever truly loved. Whatever Apollo wanted, Apollo would have, if Starbuck had anything to say about it. Apollo added another finger to the first one, making certain that Starbuck was as loose as possible. Then he said, "Starbuck, I don't have anything to use for this." Starbuck reluctantly left the bed long enough to grab his trousers, from which he removed a tube of lubricant. Seeing the slightly surprised look on Apollo's face, he said, "I'm afraid you're not the first man I've been with, 'Pol. I'm sorry." Apollo grabbed him in a tight hug and kissed him. "Don't apologize. You don't need to be sorry. I didn't expect you to be celibate when you didn't know how I felt about you." "I just wish that you could be the first." "Starbuck, do you love me?" "You know that I do, Apollo. I love you more than anyone or anything." "Did you love any of the men or women you were with before me?" Starbuck was quiet for a centon. Then he said, slowly, "I tried to convince myself that I was in love with some of them, especially Athena, and Cassiopia, but I realize now, I loved them, but I wasn't in love with them. I cared for all of them, or I wouldn't have slept with them, but none of them meant as much to me as you do." "Then that's all that matters. That you love me. I don't care who you've been with in the past. You're here with me now, and that's what's important." Hearing those words from the one that he loved brought Starbuck close to tears. No one had ever loved him the way Apollo did. "I love you," he told Apollo. His friend and lover grinned. "I know. And I love you. Now, can we get back to what we were doing?" He slipped a lube-coated finger inside Starbuck's ass. The blond man bucked in surprise and pleasure. Apollo added another finger, generously coating the passage with lubricant before covering his cock with it. He was preparing to enter Starbuck when the Lieutenant suddenly spoke. "Apollo - I've never done this before. Let another man be inside me. That way, at least, you are the first. I've always been the top." "We're even then, Bucko. I've never been with another man before. Not at all. But I'll be careful. I never want to hurt you." And he slowly, carefully, pushed inside his lover. Starbuck thought he would die when he felt Apollo inside of him. Not from the pain, though there was some of that, or even from the pleasure, of which there was plenty, but from the simple knowledge that this was Apollo, the one he had always loved and never thought he could have. He moaned a little. Apollo immediately stilled his movements. "Did I hurt you?" he asked fearfully. "Do you want me to stop?" "No!" Starbuck answered firmly. "I'm all right. Don't stop." So Apollo didn't stop, but he was most definitely cautious. He almost drove Starbuck insane by going so slowly. But soon he had to speed up, to increase the wonderful sensation of being inside the man that he had loved for so long. He reached around and grabbed Starbuck's cock in one hand and started to pump him in time to his thrusts. Finally, with a wordless cry, he came, and Starbuck followed almost immediately. The two men curled up together and fell asleep. Starbuck was the first one to wake. He stole a glance at the beautiful man lying next to him before slipping out of bed and starting to dress. He wasn't alone for long. Apollo woke and switched on a lamp beside the bed. "Where are you going?" the Captain asked, torn between concern and anger that Starbuck was leaving. "Back to the Bachelor Officers' Quarters. Go back to sleep, love." "But why?" the Captain asked. He had expected to have Starbuck with him all night. Starbuck shrugged. "Boxey will be back in the morning. You don't want to explain my being here, do you?" "I don't think Boxey will mind your being here. He loves you. You're his favourite uncle, and practically a second father to him. Now tell me, why are you *really* leaving?" To his astonishment, Apollo saw that Starbuck was almost in tears. "I was leaving before you threw me out," he replied. "I didn't think I could stand it if you told me to go, so I decided to leave on my own." Apollo's anger quickly faded, replaced by a deep sadness that Starbuck had had been treated so badly in the past that he expected his best friend and lover to use his body and throw him out afterwards. He went to where Starbuck sat and knelt before him, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking deep into his eyes. "Starbuck," he said, "how many times do I need to tell you I love you before you believe me?" Starbuck tried to say something, but all that came out was a deep sob, which was quickly followed by another. And then he was weeping in Apollo's arms. "Bucko," the Captain sighed, "I don't know who hurt you before, and I don't think I want to know, or I'd kill them. But I won't leave you, I won't throw you out, I won't abandon you. This was our first time together as lovers, but it won't be the last, I promise you. Starbuck, you mean everything to me. You must know by now that I don't do one night stands. I love you and I want to be with you always. Would you - do you want to be sealed?" "Are you asking me to marry you, Apollo?" Starbuck asked through his tears. "Well, yes, I guess I am. Will you marry me?" "Yes, I will marry you. I love you, 'Pol." "I love you too, Bucko. Always." END