Ray Vecchio was shaking.

He tried to hide the shaking from his partner. Benny didn't seem to notice
it. Or, if he did, he chose not to say anything about it. Instead, he
asked Ray one of those stupid math questions about trains leaving
different stations at certain times and blah blah blah.  Ray couldn't
understand it. Benny had been attacked, drugged, tied up in a junked car
and come *this close* to being crushed in the car crusher before Ray had
figured out Carver's little game, and he was asking math questions. "Who
cares?" Ray asked rhetorically. 

"Fine answer, Ray," replied Fraser.

Ray insisted on taking Benny home. The Mountie insisted that he was all
right, but Ray wouldn't listen to him. He took Benny home and followed him
upstairs to his apartment. 

"You *sure* you're all right?" the detective asked for the thousandth time
since they'd left the junk yard. 

"I told you that I'm fine," Benny answered patiently. "You don't need to
worry about me." 

Ray smiled slightly, which Fraser took as a good sign. "Can't help it,
Benny," he answered. "I worry. I think it's genetic." He half-expected to
get a lecture about genetics for saying that, but Benny didn't give him
one. 

"Are *you* all right, Ray?" he asked instead.

Vecchio shrugged off the question. "I'm fine. I'm not the one who was
drugged and tied up in a junked Riviera ready to be crushed into a
pancake." He found, though, that he was still shaking.  He tried to ignore
it. 

"I can't believe that Ange really thought I'd planted that stupid heel.
Ange - my wife! Guess that's why she's an "ex" wife now. Nobody believed
me. Sure, they thought I had a good reason to do it, but..." he let his
voice trail off. 

"I believed you, Ray," Benny said quietly. 

Suddenly, Ray started to cry. He wasn't sure why he was crying, but he
couldn't stop. Fraser was at his side in an instant.  "Ray! What's wrong?
Why are you crying? Ray?" 

Ben didn't know what had come over his friend. A moment ago Ray had been
talking about the Carver case, and about Angela, his ex wife, then he'd
suddenly burst into tears. Was it because of Ange? Perhaps it was just a
release of all the stress the detective had gone through since Carver had
been granted parole. Fraser took Ray into his arms and held him, trying to
think of something to say. "It's all right, Ray. Whatever it is, it's all
right. Please don't cry, Ray." 

Ray wrapped his arms around Benny and held on for dear life. Between sobs,
he choked out, "God, Benny, I thought you were dead. I thought Carver had
killed you. I didn't think I would get there in time to save you.  If you
had died it would have been my fault." 

"Your fault? Ray, it was Carver's fault, no one else's. He's the one who
abducted me." 

"Because of me, Benny. He wouldn't have done anything to you if you
weren't my partner, my friend." 

Fraser pulled back slightly from Ray's embrace so he could look the
Italian in the face. "Ray, that's just it. You *are* my friend. My best
friend. I'm not going to stop being your friend just because a madman has
a grudge against you and decides to use me as bait to get to you. Unless
you want to stop being my friend. " 

Ray grabbed him and held him even more tightly than before. "Never, Benny.
If I lost you - if anything happened to you - I couldn't stand it. I love
you, Benny. I love you." And before Ben could take in what Ray had just
said, the American kissed him full on the lips. 

Startled, bewildered and just a little frightened, Benny pulled away from
his friend. "Ray, I ... I don't know what to say." He didn't even have any
Inuit stories that would be appropriate for this situation. 

Ray groaned and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, Benny. I
shouldn't have said anything. I mean, I do love you, and I thought I loved
you like a brother, you know? But today, when I thought Carver was going
to kill you, I realized that I'm in love with you. I wasn't going to tell
you and I really wasn't intending to kiss you. I just had to be close to
you, make sure that you're really here. I'm so sorry, Benny. I'll - I'll
understand if you never want to see me again." He stood up and started
toward the door.

Quickly, Fraser got up and went after him, stopping Ray before he reached
the door. "Don't go, Ray. Stay. Please. Let's talk about this." He still
felt uncertain, didn't really know what he was feeling, actually, but he
knew he didn't want Ray to leave. His initial shock at the kiss had worn
off and he was no longer frightened.

Relieved, the detective came back and sat down. Benny sat next to him.
That was good, Ray thought. Benny wasn't afraid to be close to him.
"Listen, Benny, I don't want you to be afraid of me." 

"I'm not," the Mountie answered.

"I'm not going to kiss you again. I won't make any passes at you or
anything." 

"Ray, you surprised me," Fraser explained. "I certainly never expected you
to kiss me. But actually, I, well, I liked it." 

Ray's eyebrows went up. "Really?"

"Yes, really," answered his partner self-consciously. "I've never kissed a
man before. I haven't even kissed many women." He took a breath. "I need
some time, Ray. Time to think, to get used to the idea that you're in love
with me.  I do care very much for you.  I think that could become love." 

"Become love? Benny, I don't get what you mean."

The Canadian ran his thumb across one eyebrow. "You're my best friend,
Ray. I told you that before. And I mean it, you are. I've long believed
that a strong friendship would be the best foundation for a romantic
relationship.  I've seen many friendships that outlasted marriages. And
we're partners. In many ways, partnership is like a marriage. 

"But Ray, I have to admit, I'm a bit frightened. Not of you," he added
before Ray could protest, "never of you. But of love. I loved Victoria,
and look where that got me. I know you won't hurt me the way she did. I
know that in my head. My heart needs some convincing, though. 

"I don't know if I can fall in love with you, Ray, but I think I can grow
to love you.  Can you be patient with me, Ray? Give me some time? I don't
want to stop seeing you or being your friend. I just need to get used to
the idea of our being - more than friends." 

Ray had been holding his breath all the time that Benny had been speaking.
Now he let it out and smiled. "Benny, are you asking me to court you?" he
asked. "Because I'll do it. I will do whatever it takes to win your
heart." 

Fraser returned the smile. "I'm sure you will, Ray."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Several weeks went by. Ray and Benny continued to spend time together the
way they always had. Ray did his best to seem casual and not put any
pressure on his friend. But he found that he was intensely jealous of any
woman that tried to flirt with the Mountie.  Any time that Francesca,
Elaine, or anyone else got too close to Fraser, Ray wanted to grab him,
kiss him and say, "My Mountie! Mine! You can't have him!"  However, he was
quite certain that it would not be a good idea to kiss Fraser in the
middle of the precinct bullpen. And Benny still hadn't shown any sign that
he would like Ray to kiss him again.  And he hadn't said that he loved
Ray. 

The detective got another scare when Fraser fell from the roof of a van
they'd been chasing, one that was being driven by some kidnappers who had
abducted a wealthy businessman. It turned out that his partner was okay;
unfortunately, he'd lost his memory.  He didn't know who Ray was.  He
didn't even know who he himself was. He did seem curious about their
relationship, though.  Ray wished he could say that they were a couple,
that they were more than just good friends, but he didn't. He told Benny
that they were partners, that they were friends, and that was all. He even
told him about Victoria, and about shooting him.

He didn't tell him that he loved him.

Eventually, Benny did get his memory back and they were able to catch the
kidnappers.  Everything was back to the way it always had been. Dropping
Benny off at home, Ray started to say goodbye, when Benny asked him to
come up. Curious, the Italian followed his partner upstairs. 

"How's the head doing, Benny?" he asked as they entered the apartment. 

"My head is fine, Ray. In fact, I think it's better than it was before." 

"How so?" asked Ray in surprise.

"Losing my memory helped to clear my mind of a lot of extraneous ..
things, I guess you could call them, for lack of a better term." 

"What kind of things?" Vecchio inquired.

Sitting down on the couch next to his friend, Benny answered, "The kind of
things that made me afraid to love you." 

Ray swallowed hard. He wanted to throw his arms around Benny and kiss him
like there was no tomorrow, but he sat calmly and waited for further
explanation. 

"When I had amnesia, I didn't know who I was, or who you were. But I could
tell that you were someone who loved me. Which is why I was surprised when
you said we were just friends. And when my memory came back one of the
first things I remembered was your telling me that you love me. And I
realized that without my memories of Victoria, or of my upbringing, my
father's contempt for showing emotion, I was able to let myself feel my
true feelings for the first time. I know you've been wanting to hear this
and I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I love you, Ray." 

Ecstatic, Ray threw his arms around Benny. "My Mountie. Mine," he found
himself saying, not caring if it sounded silly.

"Yes, Ray. Yours."

END