Apollo lay on his bed, sobbing his heart out.  It was a good thing Boxey
wasn't here. He wouldn't understand what was making his father cry so
hard. 

The Captain replayed his conversation with Starbuck in his mind. 

"I can't, Apollo. I can't be your lover," Starbuck had told him.

"But I love you!" Apollo had protested.

Starbuck had sighed deeply. "I know. I know that you love me. I wish I
could say the same about you." He'd laid a hand gently on Apollo's cheek,
looked at him sadly, and walked away. 

Apollo wondered how he was ever going to face Starbuck again. The
lieutenant was his best friend. They'd practically grown up together. They
were wing mates, and Triad partners, and spent almost all of their free
time together. 

And now he'd gone and blown it by confessing his love to the other man.
How would they ever fly together, or play Triad together, or do anything
together, ever again? What reason would he give Boxey for his "uncle"
Starbuck not coming around anymore? 

He was so absorbed in his misery that he didn't hear the door to his
quarters open, or the footsteps that came into his bedroom. 

The hand on his shoulder startled him.

"Apollo?" said a familiar, much-loved voice.

No. This couldn't be right. Starbuck couldn't be here. Starbuck wouldn't
be here ever again. 

"Apollo, it's me. Look at me, Apollo. Please, look at me."

Slowly, Apollo raised his head so that he could see the figure standing
next to his bed. Then he dropped it back to his pillow. "You're not here,"
he muttered. "You're a figment of my imagination. Go away and leave me to
be miserable in peace." 

The hand was back on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Apollo. I was wrong. Can we
talk?" 

"About what?" Apollo asked, not raising his head this time.

"About us," Starbuck replied.

"There is no us."

"You said earlier that there could be, if I wanted there to be."

"And as I recall, you turned me down," Apollo answered, still refusing to
look at Starbuck. 

"I was wrong," Starbuck told him. "I was scared."

Finally, Apollo sat up. "What were you scared of?" he wanted to know.

"When you told me that you love me, we'd just come out of a horrible fire
fight with the Cylons. I saw you get winged - you could have been killed.
All I could think of was that I could lose you for good, and I was afraid
to let myself love you because of it." 

Apollo could see that he was not the only one who had been crying. Even
now there were tears in Starbuck's eyes. "Oh, Star," he sighed. "But why
are you here now?" 

"I can't live without you," Starbuck answered. "Not for one day, not for
one cycle, not for one micron. Walking away from you this afternoon hurt
more than anything I've ever done. I realized that the only thing that
would stop the hurt would be to come back to you, tell you how wrong I was
and hope that maybe by some miracle you might still want me." 

Apollo reached out and drew Starbuck into his arms. "I will always want
you," he assured him. "I love you. Do you understand? I love you." 

"I love you too," Starbuck sighed in relief.

END