Starbuck woke in a cold sweat. It wasn't the first time, either. Ever since Apollo's "death" at the hands of Count Iblis, he'd had dreams like this. The difference between the dream and reality, though, was that in the dream Apollo didn't come back. He'd seen it over and over again in his head: Apollo falling dead practically at his feet. In his quarters, Apollo woke with his heart pounding. It had been a dream. Just a dream. Starbuck was alive. He'd just seen him earlier that day. But it was hard to forget that he had almost lost his wingmate and best friend. He'd seen Starbuck's viper disappear from scanner range, and had believed it had been destroyed by the Cylons. Even now he could hardly believe that Baltar had released him. He'd greeted Starbuck with a hug when he came back. The Lieutenant hadn't seemed to know why Apollo had hugged him, which was probably a good thing. He didn't want to explain that even though he was married to Serena, he was in love with Starbuck. He'd settled for a partial truth: "I thought you were dead." He hadn't added: "And I thought I would die without you." Starbuck was beginning to wonder if he'd ever be free of his dreams. It had taken him sectons to stop thinking about Apollo's death when he was awake. Even though he had never been particularly religious, after Apollo had come back to life he'd gone to the Kobolian temple and thanked the Lords for bringing him back. He loved Apollo more than he'd ever loved anyone, and he believed that he could be *in love* with Apollo, if only he knew what "in love" meant. Apollo groaned to himself and got out bed. It was no use trying to sleep now. He was beginning to wonder if he'd ever get a decent sleep period's worth of sleep again. The dreams had been haunting him since Starbuck's 'death', and that had been several sectares ago. He worried about his wingmate almost constantly. Every time they faced the Cylons he remembered what it had felt like to think he had lost his best friend. If he ever did lose Starbuck, he didn't know what he would do, how he would survive. A similar ritual was going on in the Bachelor Officers Quarters. Starbuck gave up on sleep and tried to occupy himself playing solitaire. It didn't do him any good. He still couldn't get the images from the dream out of his head: Apollo's death, transporting him back to the Galactica in the shuttle, the grief of his family: Adama, Athena, and Boxey; Apollo's memorial service, and a long, lonely life without Apollo at his side. He was strongly tempted to go to Apollo's quarters to make sure it had only been a dream, but it was the middle of sleep period. He didn't want to wake his friend, who he hoped was sleeping better than he was. There was Boxey to think of, too. As the sleepless sleep period wore on, Apollo tried to find ways to occupy himself without disturbing Boxey. His son had been plagued with enough nightmares of his own about the Destruction and his mother's death. He wished he could go to the Bachelor Officer's Quarters, find Starbuck and reassure himself that his wingmate was all right. Of course, Starbuck would probably think he was insane if he did so, and might not be too pleased to have his sleep disturbed. The other officers probably wouldn't be very happy about it either. Eventually, both men decided to try to sleep again. There was plenty of work to do the next day, and they knew they wouldn't be at their best without sleep. They got into their separate beds, and soon each was dozing off. And the nightmares returned. This time they included more detail. In Starbuck's dream, Boxey was sent to the Orphan Barge after Apollo's death. In Apollo's dream, he was confronted by Cassiopeia, who accused him of not being a good wingman to Starbuck and preventing his death. 'Enough of this,' Starbuck thought as he once again woke in a cold sweat. 'I have to see Apollo. I don't care if it's the middle of sleep period.' In his quarters, Apollo woke with a rapidly pounding heart. 'I can't take this anymore,' he thought to himself. 'I have to see Starbuck. I don't care if I wake up everyone in the BOQ.' Each of the warriors donned his uniform and headed out to find the man who was the other half of his soul. They met up in the corridor halfway between their respective quarters. They stopped and stared for just a centon or two, each reassuring himself that the other was alive and in one piece. Then they both spoke at once. "What are you doing here?" The two warriors laughed and tried to explain. "I was coming to find you." Again, they both spoke at the same time. After several attempts to communicate, Apollo finally said, "You first." "I need to talk to you," Starbuck told his wingmate. "And I need to talk to you. Will you come to my quarters with me? I just realized I left Boxey there alone." Shocked, Starbuck followed. Whatever it was that Apollo wanted to talk to him about, it had to be serious for him to leave his quarters in the middle of sleep period and to leave Boxey alone. Apollo never neglected his son's safety. "He's all right, thank the Lords," Apollo told Starbuck after returning to his quarters and checking on Boxey. "I can't believe I did that." Starbuck remembered his dream about Boxey being sent to the Orphan Barge. "Apollo, I know that you would never put Boxey in danger deliberately. What were you doing, sleepwalking?" "It feels like it," Apollo yawned. "I'm afraid I haven't been getting much sleep lately, which must be why I wasn't thinking clearly. Actually, that's one of the things I want to talk to you about." "Why do you want to talk to me about your sleeping habits? Isn't that something you should take up with the doctor?" "The reason I want to talk to you is that you're the reason I'm not sleeping. I keep having dreams about you. Nightmares, actually." Starbuck was stunned by this revelation. "Apollo, I've been having nightmares about you, too," he said quietly. Apollo was equally stunned. "What happens in yours?" he asked. "You die," Starbuck stated simply. Then he elaborated. "They're about Iblis. In my dreams, when he kills you, you don't come back. I have to bring your body back to the Galactica and tell your family what happened." He lowered his voice, mindful of the child sleeping in the next room. "In the one I had just a few centons ago, Boxey was sent to the Orphan Barge after you died." He swallowed hard and tried to brush the tears from his eyes. "What about your dreams?" Seeing his friend's distress, Apollo reached out and placed an arm around Starbuck's shoulders, trying to comfort him while at the same time proving to himself that he was really there. "You die too," he finally answered. "In my dream, we discover the void and Serena becomes my wingmate, but when you take off in my viper, the Cylons kill you instead of capturing you. I have to arrange your memorial service. And Cassie accuses me of not being a good wingmate, not preventing you from getting killed." He tried to suppress a sob. Without hesitation, Starbuck pulled Apollo into an embrace. "I'm right here," he whispered. "I'm alive." Apollo returned the embrace. He took a deep breath and tried to smile. "And I'm here and I'm alive too." They remained like that, holding each other, for several centons. Eventually they relaxed and moved apart. "Starbuck, this might sound a bit bizarre, but would you be willing to stay here in my quarters for the rest of sleep period? At least then if we have the nightmares we're close to each other and can prove to ourselves that we're both still here. I realize that my couch is probably not the most comfortable place to sleep." The offer sounded almost perfect to Starbuck - almost, because he was being invited to sleep on Apollo's couch and not in his bed. "Apollo, there's something you should know before you ask me to spend sleep period in your quarters." "What's that?" "I think I'm in love with you." Apollo wasn't certain if he was still asleep and dreaming, or if he was awake and Starbuck really was saying something that he'd longed to hear him say. But what did he mean by "think" ? "Star, what do you mean you *think* you're in love with me? Don't you know?" The blond man shook his head. "No, I don't. I've never been in love. I don't know what it feels like. I've loved a few people - Zac and your mother, for instance - but I've never been *in love* with anyone before. All I know is that the way I love you feels different somehow. I want to be close to you, physically close. I want to touch you. Sometimes I even think about kissing you. When you were engaged to Serena I knew it bothered me, but I didn't know why. It wasn't until you accused me of being jealous that I realized that was what I was feeling. I was jealous. And when you...." He hesitated. "When you died, I wanted to die. I couldn't imagine living my life without you. Pol, you know I try not to form attachments. But I've become - attached - to you." He waited anxiously for Apollo's reaction. Apollo took one of Starbuck's hands in his. "Starbuck, I don't think I'm in love with you. I *know* I'm in love with you. When I thought you were dead, I thought I would die too. And from what you just said, I'm pretty sure that you're in love with me, too." He smiled, and Starbuck thought his heart would melt. "I've grown pretty attached to you too." Then he got a mischievous look on his face. "Tell me, how often do you think about kissing me?" "Almost constantly." "Would you like to try actually doing it?" Hesitant at first, then more bold, Starbuck wrapped his arms around Apollo's neck. His lips pressed against Apollo's and his tongue was soon seeking entrance into Apollo's mouth. Somewhere in the part of his mind that could still think semi-coherently Apollo noted the differences between kissing a woman and kissing Starbuck. The other man smelled slightly of fumarillos and tasted of ambrosa. He also had stubble on his face. Apollo mentally catalogued all these details as he and Starbuck continued to kiss. Eventually the two men had to stop kissing. They both yawned. Starbuck was the first one to speak. "Pol, the Lords know how long I've wanted to do this, but I'm exhausted and I get the impression that you are too." Apollo stretched, yawned and nodded. "I have an idea," he said, getting up and walking to his computer. He punched a few keys before returning to Starbuck's side. "I just sent a message to Colonel Tigh telling him that you and I are on medical leave for the next three cycles. Think that'll be long enough to catch up on our sleep?" "That depends where I'm going to sleep," Starbuck hinted. "I want you to sleep in my bed with me. If I have any more nightmares I want you to be there beside me when I wake up. I'm afraid I'm too wiped out to do anything other than sleep right now though." "Sounds good to me," Starbuck agreed. "Somehow, though, I don't think either of us will have any more nightmares." The two warriors got into bed and lay contentedly in each other's arms. "No more nightmares," Apollo agreed. "And this is better than the best dream I've ever had, because it's real. I love you, Star." Starbuck kissed him goodnight. "Love you too, Pol. Always." END