"Hey, Starbuck, can I talk to you for a centon?" Lt. Boomer asked. 

"Sure, Boom Boom," replied Starbuck, sitting on his bunk. "What is it?" 

"It's about Apollo."

"What about him?" asked Starbuck cheerfully.

"Well, have you ever thought he might have a death wish or something? With
all those risky missions he volunteers for?" 

Starbuck felt a chill pass through him. It was true that Apollo always
seemed to be the first to volunteer for any dangerous assignment that came
up. "I volunteer for them, too," he pointed out. 

"Yeah, but we both know why you do it. Because of him."

"He's my friend," protested Starbuck.

"No, I'm your friend. He's the man you're in love with," Boomer pointed
out. 

"We agreed not to talk about that," Starbuck complained. "My feelings for
Apollo are not a topic for discussion." 

Boomer sighed. "All right. Back to what I was saying - do you think Apollo
is trying to get himself killed?" 

Starbuck thought for a few moments. "No. I don't think so. He has Boxey to
think of. He wouldn't do that to him." 

"Then why is he signing up for the most risky patrols? The mission to the
Ravishol pulsar?  Planting charges on a Cylon Base Star?" 

"I think it's because he's trying to prove something to the Commander,
that he's able to handle dangerous missions.  And prove to the rest of the
fleet that he doesn't get protected from dangerous jobs just because he's
the Commander's son." 

"Well, I think we should talk to him about it. See if we can convince him
that he doesn't have to take every shit job that comes along just because
he thinks he has something to prove," Boomer said. 

"Why should we?" asked Starbuck. "Isn't it up to him if he wants to take
on risky missions?" 

"You just said that he has Boxey to think of. And that family has already
lost enough of its members without losing Apollo too. Besides, there are
plenty of other warriors who'd like a piece of the action, like to prove
themselves to Tigh and the Commander, maybe get a field promotion. They
deserve a chance." He paused, then added, "And I know you don't want to
lose him." 

"You're right," Starbuck sighed. "Do you want me to talk to him, or should
we both do it?" 

"I think it should be the both of us. Maybe he'll listen if two of us
approach him." 

"When do you want to do it?"

"How about tomorrow morning? Boxey leaves for learning period at 0900.
We'll invite ourselves to the Captain's quarters for breakfast." 

"All right. Tomorrow, then. I hope Apollo serves a decent breakfast." 

"If you had told Apollo how you feel about him, you might know that
already." 

"Boomer, he's had plenty of opportunity since I was assigned to the
Galactica to resume our old relationship. He's never shown any sign that
he wants to." 

"Neither have you," Boomer pointed out.

"He's the superior officer, Boom. "

"That could be why he hasn't approached you."

"Look, just forget it. Apollo doesn't want me that way. I'm perfectly
happy being his best friend and nothing else." 

"No, you're not," Boomer stated, but he left before Starbuck could answer
him. 

Starbuck got undressed and climbed into his bunk. His thoughts went back
to the time he had first realized he was in love with Apollo. Back then,
he had thought Apollo felt the same. They'd been a couple of scared kids
in the Academy, both trying to hide their fear from their fellow cadets,
and turning to each other for comfort. 

For Apollo, it had been his first time away from home and his family. He
was well known at the Academy, being Adama's son. He was terribly
homesick.  For Starbuck, who had arrived at the Academy right out of the
orphanage where he'd been raised, it was a completely different world. 
For the first time he was around kids who actually had families, some of
them quite wealthy families, and he felt excluded from their world. He
tried to cover it, of course, developing the bravado that later served him
so well at the gambling table. But late one night he had heard his
bunkmate, Apollo, sobbing into his pillow. Climbing out his own bed, he
had gone to his new friend's side to ask what was wrong. They'd had a good
talk that night, and many nights after.  Then one night, they'd kissed. He
couldn't really say who had kissed whom. For the rest of their time at the
Academy, they'd shared a bed. 

Graduation day arrived eventually, of course. Apollo had been assigned to
the Galactica, Starbuck hadn't been. They'd said their goodbyes in
private, embracing tearfully and swearing eternal love for each other.
Apollo had promised to do his best to get his father to approve a transfer
to the Galactica for Starbuck. Two yahrens later, Starbuck's assignment
came through and he arrived on the Galactica, hardly able to wait to be by
Apollo's side again. But he discovered that Apollo had a girlfriend, a
young shuttle pilot. When he'd finally found an opportunity to speak to
the newly-promoted Captain alone, Apollo had said that he thought they
should just be good friends. He didn't think his father would approve of
their relationship.  Starbuck had complied, reluctantly, and started
dating Athena. Apollo's relationship with the shuttle pilot eventually
ended, but it wasn't long after that he'd started seeing, and eventually
married, Serena. When Athena ended their relationship, Starbuck started
seeing Cassiopia. He and Apollo never discussed their time together as
lovers, and were as close as two friends could be. Starbuck had confided
in Boomer about his and Apollo's previous relationship, and Boomer was
always encouraging him - some would say nagging him - to tell Apollo that
he was still in love with him. But Starbuck wouldn't set himself up for
disappointment again. 

Eventually, he fell into a troubled sleep.

The next morning, Starbuck and Boomer showed up at Apollo's quarters. The
Captain welcomed them in, curious as to why his friends would visit him so
early. Boomer took the lead. 

"Apollo, Starbuck and I are concerned about you."

"Concerned?" asked Apollo. "Why?"

"We think that you're pushing yourself too hard," Starbuck put in. "Always
volunteering for the hardest jobs, the most dangerous missions. You don't
have anything to prove, Apollo." 

"Not to you," replied Apollo, "but to my father, and to the fleet, I do."
While he appreciated his friends' concern, Apollo didn't think they
appreciated the pressure he was under, had been under his entire life as
"the son of Adama." 

"Apollo, sometimes you just have to say 'frack it' and live your life,
regardless of what other people think," Boomer told him. 

"And your father loves you," Starbuck added. "I don't think he'd be
disappointed if you proved you were human." 

"Guys, I understand where you're coming from, but it's not really any of
your business," stated Apollo firmly. 

"It is our business. You're our Captain as well as our friend, and we rely
on you to be here,"  Boomer argued.  "Getting yourself killed is not going
to prove anything to anyone." 

Apollo was getting irritated. "Enough," he told his two fellow warriors.
"You've said your piece.  Now leave me alone." 

"Damnit, Apollo!" exclaimed Starbuck. "I don't want to lose you! I love
you!" When he realized what he'd said, a look of sheer terror crossed his
face, and he bolted from the room. Apollo stood as if rooted to the deck,
staring after him. 

"Go after him, Apollo," said Boomer. "Now!" He knew that Starbuck took
just as many risks as Apollo did. And if Starbuck thought that he'd lost
Apollo's friendship as well as his love, he was likely to take even more,
stupider risks, probably ending in getting himself blown up by a Cylon. 

Apollo didn't hesitate. He ran after Starbuck, who was heading for the
viper bay. Why had Starbuck never told him of his love before now? They'd
been on the Galactica together for six yahrens. He recalled, with shame,
telling Starbuck that he thought they should just be friends. He'd been
trying to give Starbuck an 'out', in case the other man wasn't interested
in resuming their romantic relationship. He'd also been afraid of what his
father would think, and he still wasn't certain how Adama would react if
he knew.  But Starbuck's and Boomer's words had made him think: 'sometimes
you just have to say 'frack it' and live your life, regardless of what
other people think' 'your father loves you - I don't think he'd be
disappointed if you proved you were human.' If Starbuck did still love
him, he would tell the entire universe to go frack itself if he had to.

He wasn't in time to stop Starbuck from launching his viper, so he took
his own viper out after him. At first the Lieutenant ignored his radio
signals, until they got mixed up with a Cylon scouting patrol. Then they
were forced to talk to each other. Apollo was deathly afraid that Starbuck
would do something foolish and get blown away before he had a chance to
tell him that he loved him. Finally, though, when the Cylons had been
dealt with, he could see that his friend - lover - was still in one piece.
"Starbuck, will you please come back to the Galactica with me?" 

"Why?" asked Starbuck, though he knew that he would have to return
eventually. He didn't have any equipment or supplies to enable him to live
anywhere else, unless he could find an inhabited world before he ran out
of fuel. 

"I want to talk to you," Apollo answered.

"You can talk on the radio," Starbuck pointed out.

"I'd really rather talk face to face. Remember, I outrank you. I can order
you back to the ship if I want to." 

"And exactly how would you force me to return, Captain?" asked Starbuck
with a trace of bitter amusement in his voice. 

"I can't," Apollo admitted. "But I hope you'll come back voluntarily." 

"Why should I?" asked the other warrior petulantly. "What do I have back
there that I can't find somewhere else?" 

"Me," stated Apollo simply.

"I see. And what do you have to offer me that's supposed to make me want
to go back to living on a crowded Battlestar with stale air, limited
food, under constant threat of being blown to bits?" 

"My love," offered Apollo.

Starbuck didn't answer, but Apollo was quite certain he detected a sharp
intake of breath from his wingman. The two vipers turned and headed back
to the Galactica. 

When they were safely back on board, Starbuck turned to the Captain. "All
right, Apollo," he demanded, "what the frac are you talking about? Your
love? Why wasn't it there six yahrens ago when I was first posted here?" 

"It was," Apollo answered softly. "I was just afraid you didn't feel the
same. It had been two yahrens since we'd seen each other." 

"As I recall, you were the one with the pretty girl on his arm," snarled
Starbuck. 

Apollo sighed. "I know. I was an idiot. That girl - what was her name -
Mara? - didn't mean anything to me. My father fixed us up. I was so busy
trying to make him happy I didn't even realize I was making you
miserable." He took a deep breath. "I never stopped loving you, Starbuck.
But I honestly thought you didn't want to be anything but friends. You
dated Athena and Cassie and never gave any indication that you still
wanted me." 

"You never gave me any sign that *you* wanted *me*. What about your
father? Seems to me you were worried about what he would think." 

"To hell with what my father thinks.  I'm tired of living my life just to
please him. If you still love me - if you'll give me another chance - I'll
tell him the truth about us. Please, Starbuck, I don't want to lose you
again." 

Starbuck reached out and brushed the tears from his lover's face. "I don't
want to lose you, either.  But I couldn't stand it if you kept taking all
those foolish risks just to prove something to people.  I can't stand by
and watch you get killed. And I don't think your family can, either.
Especially your son." 

"Starbuck, if it means that much to you, I'll stop flying missions all
together and stay safely behind a desk." 

"No, Apollo, I don't want that! I don't want you to change your entire
life because of me. Just - just be a little more careful? Let some of the
other pilots take a crack at some of the missions.  We have plenty of
qualified pilots in the fleet. You should know - you trained some of them
yourself." 

"I did, didn't I?" There was a trace of a smile on the Captain's face. "So
does this mean you'll give me another chance to prove to you how much I
love you?" 

Without a word, Starbuck reached out and drew his best friend - and lover
- into an embrace and kissed him.  The two men stood there in the viper
bay holding and kissing each other for several centons until a familiar
voice interrupted them. 

"Ahem! Gentlemen! Some of us have patrols to fly." It was Boomer and his
wingman, Jolly.

Apollo and Starbuck both had huge smiles on their faces. Apollo nudged his
partner. "Come on, let's get out of here." 

"Where to?" asked Starbuck as they left the viper bay.

Apollo took his hand. "The Commander's office. I have some news for my
father." 

END