The Angels Won't Have It
-------------------------------

Captain Apollo smacked his desk in frustration. He didn't often abuse
furniture, but he was feeling quite frustrated. His choices were either to
take his feelings out on the desk or on one of his pilots, so he chose the
desk. 

He and his lover, Lt. Starbuck, hadn't been getting along well lately.
Their 'disagreements' had been increasing. Nothing either of them did
seemed right for the other. Starbuck spent most of his nights in the
Bachelor Officers' quarters lately, rather than in Apollo's quarters. 

The two men had always been different. The contrast in their physical
appearance seemed to mirror their different personalities. Apollo was
serious, thoughtful, while Starbuck was impulsive and playful. When they
were friends, their differences seemed to complement each other. Even
after they had become lovers, it hadn't caused problems at first. It had
even helped him with Boxey, having someone who could indulge the child's
inherent playfulness while Apollo provided discipline. 

He should have known that their differences would eventually cause
problems. Once the honeymoon period that new lovers go through was over,
Apollo realized that the way Starbuck led his everyday life was completely
different from the way he led his.  They fought, then they made up. Then
they fought again. It had been close to a yahren since they had become
lovers - after a night of partying in the OC celebrating Sheba's
engagement to Bojay.  Starbuck had been drunk, and Apollo had impulsively
taken him back to his own quarters rather than leaving him to sleep it off
in the officer's quarters. Of course, he hadn't been anywhere near sober
himself. 

One thing had led to another and they'd spent the night making love in
Apollo's bed. Apollo had wondered if Starbuck would regret it when he had
sobered up. He knew that he wouldn't.  Fortunately Starbuck didn't either.
They'd spent many more nights like the first one. If anyone noticed a
change in their relationship, they didn't mention it. The two warriors
were together all the time anyway. They had eventually shared their news
with the other pilots and with Apollo's family.  Most of the people they'd
told hadn't been very surprised to find out. Athena and Cassiopeia had
been a bit annoyed at first, wondering if Starbuck had preferred Apollo to
either of them all along. Especially Athena, who asked the Lieutenant if
he'd dated her only to get closer to her brother. But Starbuck still had
his famous charm, his way with women, and the two of them soon accepted
him and Apollo as a couple. 

Unfortunately, it was that charming way with women that had led to many
fights between the two men. Starbuck insisted that he was just a friendly
guy, and that he liked to flirt. He pointed out that he always went home
with Apollo, no matter how much he flirted with women. This last time,
though, Apollo had asked, "And what about when I'm not there? What do you
do then?" 

"You don't trust me!" Starbuck had exclaimed in astonishment.

"Have you given me any reason to trust you?" 

"Do you need one?" Starbuck had countered.

"Yes," stated Apollo.

"I love you, Apollo. Only you. I would never, ever cheat on you or betray
you." 

"Then why do you need all those women at your beck and call? Aren't I
enough for you?" 

Starbuck had tried to take his lover into his arms but Apollo moved away.
"'Pol, you are everything to me. Everything. I don't need any of those
women to make me happy.  I don't even know why I act like that. It just
seems that when there are women around, they expect me to behave a certain
way, and I do. I'm sorry that it upsets you. I'll try to tone it down." 

Apollo had to give the man credit - he had, indeed, tried. It hadn't
lasted for long though, and soon Starbuck was back to his old ways. Last
night Apollo had thrown him out. 

There was a tap at the office door. Apollo looked up to see Starbuck
standing there. 

"What do you want?" sighed the Captain.

"I'm going on patrol, if you remember, Captain," Starbuck said with a hint
of sarcasm. Then he calmed himself and said in an almost pleading tone, "I
was wondering where I should go when I get back." 

"You mean where are you going to spend the night? That's up to you,
Starbuck. I'm certain there are plenty of women who'd be happy to share
their beds with you. Or you can sleep in the Bachelor Officer's Quarters." 

"In other words, anywhere but with you," Starbuck said sadly.

"Starbuck, you said you were going to change. I know you tried. Obviously
it didn't work. I guess that you're just not cut out for a monogamous
relationship. I'm sorry. This just isn't going to work between us." 

"You're ending things?" Starbuck asked in shock.

"Yes."

"Apollo, I love you!"

"I guess love isn't enough then. Goodbye, Bucko. Have a safe patrol."
Apollo shut the office door. 

Starbuck stared after his lover - his *ex-lover* in astonishment. Then,
with a stifled sob, he headed to the launch bay to start his patrol. 

At first, patrol was uneventful.  Starbuck tried to sleep but was
unsuccessful. His last conversation with Apollo kept running through his
mind. How he wished he could go back to the beginning of their
relationship and start again. He should have tried harder to tone down his
flirtatious behavior. It didn't mean anything. Obviously Apollo didn't
believe him when he said that. He sighed and turned his viper back toward
the Galactica. 

Apollo was on the bridge when the call came in. "Starbuck to Galactica!
I'm under attack!"  He could hear the sound of weapons fire. Colonel Tigh
turned to him. "Scramble Blue Squadron,"  he ordered. Tigh didn't have to
tell him twice. As the alarms sounded, Apollo was already in the viper bay
ready to head into battle. The rest of the squadron wasn't far behind. 

The Colonial warriors made short work of the Cylon fighters. It wasn't
until he had blasted the last one into bits that Boomer pointed out what
Apollo had tried not to notice. "Captain, where's Starbuck? I can't find
any sign of him on my scanner." 

Apollo tried to remain calm. "Maybe he ducked into an asteroid field," he
said with an optimism he didn't feel. He sent the rest of the pilots back
to the Galactica while he and Boomer started searching. Finally, when both
of them were about to run out of fuel, Boomer insisted that they go home
as well. The search had been futile. Starbuck must not have survived the
attack. 

"I'm sorry, Apollo," Boomer said as they disembarked from their vipers. "I
know how much you loved him." 

"I broke things off with him today, just before he left on patrol," Apollo
replied. 

"Oh Lords, Apollo," Boomer said in shock. "What happened?"

When they finished decontamination, Apollo told his friend what had taken
place between him and Starbuck. Boomer wanted to shake some sense into his
squadron leader, tell him that Starbuck's flirting didn't mean anything,
but he refrained. Apollo hurt enough already. It wouldn't help. 

Adama met his son at his quarters. "Did you find Starbuck?" he asked. The
look on Apollo's face said that he hadn't. 

"There was no sign of him. Not even any debris. I want to go out and look
for him again tomorrow." 

"Apollo, is there really any hope of finding him?" asked the Commander. 

"I have to try!" Apollo replied. "He'd do it for me."

Adama had to admit that this was true. Starbuck would have done anything
for Apollo. "All right," he agreed. "But remember, the Cylons know where
we are now. The fleet can't stay here much longer - we're too vulnerable." 

"I know," said Apollo. "But I have to look for him. Even if I just find a
body. I can't give up." 

"I understand," stated his father. "One more search. Then we move on." 

Apollo nodded. Adama squeezed his shoulder and left.  Apollo went to his
quarters, wondering how he was going to explain to Boxey that his favorite
'uncle' was missing and presumed dead. 

Boxey took the news hard, as Apollo had known he would. He cried a little,
and Apollo held him and tried his best to comfort him. Boxey hadn't
exactly understood the relationship between the two warriors, but that was
probably for the best. Apollo didn't want to tell his son that he'd sent
Starbuck away. 

He went out on patrol the next day and resumed his search for Starbuck.
Again, he found nothing. He flew as far as he could before finally giving
up and returning to the Galactica. He told Adama and Tigh that he had
found no sign that Starbuck was still alive, and no debris or wreckage
either. He wanted Starbuck declared "missing in action" but Adama
overruled him, and Starbuck was officially recorded as dead. 

There was a memorial, attended by all of the warriors in the fleet, even
those who hadn't known Starbuck personally. And Cassie and Athena were
there, trying to comfort each other. Apollo tried to deliver a eulogy but
had to give up halfway through. He was too choked up. Boomer got up and
took over for him, finishing the eulogy on behalf of all the pilots, he
said. 

And then it was over. The fleet moved on. People spoke of Starbuck
sometimes, but almost never in Apollo's presence. Life continued. Boomer
became Apollo's new wingman. Athena tried to talk to him a few times. She
wanted him to talk about Starbuck, to let his grief and pain out before it
overwhelmed him. He told her that he was fine and to stop fussing over
him.

Sometimes, late at night, he let the tears flow freely. He wondered how he
was ever going to survive without Starbuck. The last time he'd spoken to
his lover - ex lover, he supposed - he'd said that love wasn't enough. How
he wished he could take those words back. Starbuck had said he loved him.
Apollo hadn't told Starbuck the same. If only he'd told Starbuck he loved
him.  They used to do that every time they went out on patrol or into
battle. They never knew if either of them would be coming back alive, and
they always said "I love you" to each other before leaving the Galactica.
He considered just taking off, flying until his viper ran out of fuel and
letting it crash somewhere. That way there wouldn't be a body left in his
quarters for Boxey to find. But no, he couldn't do that.  Boxey counted on
him. His family had already lost Zac. He didn't want them to go through
the grief of losing him too.

A few sectons after Starbuck had been lost, Apollo was out on patrol
alone. Boomer was busy training some new cadets. Apollo let the viper
drift through space. How he missed hearing Starbuck's chatter on the
radio. "I miss you, Bucko," he said to the stars. "If one of us had to go,
I wish it had been me instead of you." 

Suddenly some bright white lights flew past him. Startled, he tried to
follow them, but they were too fast. He couldn't pick them up on his
scanner. Where had he seen those lights before? He was sure he had, but he
couldn't remember when.  More lights flew by, and he started hearing a
noise. The sound grew louder and louder until he couldn't stand it. Just
before he blacked out he thought he saw a large white ship in the
distance, drawing him towards it. 

When he came to he was lying on some sort of couch in what he assumed was
the white 'ship.' If that's what it was. Everything around him was white.
Even his battle jacket and flight suit were pure white. //I've been here
before// he thought to himself. A white-clad figure spoke to him. 
"Greetings, Captain Apollo," it said. 

"How do you know my name?" he demanded.

"We know everything," it replied.

"Who's 'we'?"

The figure indicated more like itself, all standing around observing him.
Apollo realized that the figure nearest him was not actually speaking; he
just heard a Voice in his head and had assumed the white being was talking
to him. The Voice seemed to come from all the beings at once. 

Then he remembered something. When he had been here before, Starbuck had
been here and he had called these beings 'angels.' "Am I dead?" he asked. 

"No," answered the Voice.

"Then, why am I here?" He was pretty certain that he'd been dead last time
he was here. 

"We have been observing you and your kind since your encounter with the
one known as Iblis,"  said the Voice. "We have seen your grief over your
friend Starbuck. You and Starbuck are important to the survival of your
race. " 

"Well that's just great," Apollo replied sarcastically. "If you've been
observing us, you know that Starbuck is dead." 

Without saying anything, the angels parted to reveal a raised platform,
upon which Starbuck's body lay. 

"You found his body?" Apollo asked. "Could - could I take him back to the
Galactica with me, give him a proper send off?" He had a vague idea that
Starbuck had requested his body be cremated if there were anything left of
it when he died. Something about not wanting to end up as what he called
"space junk.'

"It is up to Lieutenant Starbuck if he wishes to return to your ship,"
replied the angel voice. "If he wishes to return, we will let him go with
you. If he does not, we will take him with us." 

"Take him *where*?" Apollo asked, but there was no answer. Then he saw
Starbuck move. 

"Starbuck?" 

Starbuck opened his eyes and slowly stood up. "Apollo! What are you doing
here?" 

"I could ask you the same thing. I - I thought you were dead."

"Maybe I am," Starbuck mused. "After all, these things did say they're
angels. All I know is, one centon I was being attacked by Cylons, then the
next I woke up here." 

"Starbuck, you've been missing for sectons. They declared you dead. We had
a memorial service for you." 

Starbuck shrugged. "Like I said, maybe I am dead."

"Starbuck, these - angels said you could come back to the Galactica with
me if you wanted to. "  He turned to face the angels. "Do you mean come
back *alive*?" The angels nodded. "Please come back with me, Starbuck." 

Starbuck turned away from him. He looked at the floor. "I - I don't think
I can, Apollo. " 

"Why not?"

"Apollo, do you remember the last conversation we had?"

"All too well," Apollo answered ashamedly. "I am so sorry for that,
Starbuck." 

"If I can't have you, Apollo - I don't think I want to go back."

"Starbuck, I'll do anything you want me to. Please, come back with me.
We'll make things work this time." 

"Apollo, you don't mean that. You're just saying that because you feel
guilty. I know you,"  answered Starbuck sadly. 

Apollo turned to the angels again. "Can you talk some sense into him?" he
asked them in despair. "Make him believe me when I say that I love him?" 

//Tell him yourself// said the Voice, inside his head this time.

Apollo put his hands on Starbuck's shoulders. "Starbuck," he said, his
voice choked, "I love you.  I have always loved you. I will always love
you. I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Please, will you come back?" He leaned
forward and kissed his lover before he could answer. 

//Can I believe him?// Starbuck asked inside his head.

//Yes// the Voice answered. //He cannot lie while he is here.//

Starbuck returned the kiss. "Yes, Apollo. Yes, I will come back with you.
I love you." 

The two warriors faced the angels. "What happens now?" Apollo asked.

"You will return to your ship. Lieutenant Starbuck will be there when you
arrive." 

"Will we remember anything that happened here?"

"Perhaps," said the Voice. It sounded almost amused.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Starbuck flew his viper into the landing bay. He pulled off his helmet and
tossed it aside. His entire body ached. He still could hardly believe the
way Apollo had broken off their relationship earlier that day. Brushing
aside the tears that threatened yet again, he went into decontamination. 

When he stepped out of decon, Apollo was standing there waiting for him.
"Can we talk?" the Captain asked. 

Starbuck sighed. "Haven't you said enough already?"

Apollo grabbed his arm. "No," he said. "I was wrong, Starbuck. I shouldn't
have said those things. I don't want to end things between us. Can we try
again? I - I love you, Bucko. I don't want to lose you." 

Starbuck looked in to his lover's eyes. Apollo was telling the truth. "I
don't want to lose you either, Apollo. But if we're going to be together,
you have to trust me. I know that my behavior upsets you. I'll keep trying
to tone it down. It won't be easy - it's a habit I've had for a long
time." 

"I don't care about the flirting. Like you said, you still go home with me
at night.  If I ever start getting on your case about it again, just
remind me about the angels." 

"Angels?" asked Starbuck in confusion.

"Yes, the angels - do you remember?"

A knowing expression dawned on Starbuck's face. "Oh, *those* angels.
Right." 

Apollo kissed his lover and slipped an arm through his. "Come on, let's go
back to my quarters.  We have some making up to do." 

END