"I'm fine!" Apollo protested stubbornly as Starbuck pushed him into the Life Centre. "You are not fine," Starbuck answered, equally as stubbornly. "Why the frack you insisted on trying to repair the short in your viper's console, I have no idea, but you did, and it blew up on you, and now you are hurt and you are going to get medical attention." "I am not hurt," Apollo argued. Starbuck stopped, grabbed his wingmate, removed his jacket and pushed up the sleeve of his tunic, exposing the red, inflamed skin. "That doesn't look like 'not hurt' to me." "It's just a minor burn." "Let me be the judge of that, Apollo," Dr. Salik interrupted the two warriors. The Captain knew he didn't have any choice, not now that the doctor had seen his burns. "Just wait until you want me to try one of your new systems or loan you some money," he hissed at his wingmate. "You *will* pay for this." "Yeah, I'm sure I will," the Lieutenant sighed. "I'll pay for trying to help you." He turned and walked away, his shoulders hunched over, looking miserable. Apollo stared after him, suddenly realizing that he'd hurt his friend. Unfortunately, he had a tendency to ignore Starbuck's feelings much of the time, mainly because Starbuck tried to hide them and it was easy to forget how sensitive he actually was. He didn't want to hurt Starbuck, but he did. And he hated himself for it every time. Salik ordered Apollo to strip, and examined the cuts and burns on his body. "How did these happen?" he asked. He hadn't heard Starbuck scolding his Captain. "I was trying to find the source of a short circuit in the weapons console in my viper. I crossed the wrong wires, and there was a small - very small - explosion. I got hit with a few sparks and some fragments." When he was finished his examination, the doctor told Apollo, "You're lucky, Captain. Your injuries are minor. However, if you'd left them alone they could have become infected. Starbuck was right to bring you in." He treated the wounds and gave Apollo some mild painkillers. "I know," Apollo answered reluctantly. "I guess I should go apologize to him." If he could find him, that was. To his surprise, Starbuck was just outside, waiting for him to come out. He didn't say anything, possibly fearing another verbal blast, but Apollo could see his wingmate carefully studying him, checking on his injuries. "I'm all right," Apollo reassured him, "thanks to you. Dr. Salik said you were right to bring me here. He said my cuts and burns are minor, but they could have become infected without treatment. Not to mention that they hurt like Hades." Starbuck stared at his shoes, as if he suddenly found them and the deck beneath to be terribly interesting. "I just wanted an excuse to come here and see Cassie," he lied. Knowing that Cassiopeia wasn't on duty, Apollo caught the falsehood immediately, but decided not to say anything. Starbuck prided himself on not getting too close to anyone, and Apollo didn't want to embarrass him. "You should probably go back to your quarters and get some rest," Starbuck told his friend. Apollo knew that Starbuck was probably right, but he was reluctant to leave his wingmate. He still felt guilty over being so short with him earlier. "Look, Starbuck, I'm sorry I was so stubborn. I should know better." Know better than what, he wasn't sure. Know better than to try to fix his damaged viper on his own? Know better than to leave minor wounds untreated? Know better than to argue with Starbuck? "It's not the first time you've yelled at me, Pol," Starbuck replied. This, unfortunately, was something Apollo was well aware of. He often took his bad tempers out on Starbuck, and his wingmate put up with it. "No matter how many times I've done it, I shouldn't have done it even once," Apollo answered. Starbuck smiled slightly. "Last time I checked, you were still human, Apollo. Considering the conditions we all live in, the things we've been through, losing your temper once in awhile is understandable." Not for the first time, Apollo wondered why his friend put up with him. He studied the other man carefully, looking for signs that Starbuck's feelings were still hurt. It was while he was doing this that he saw it. It was well-hidden, but it was there: love. Starbuck loved him. Starbuck loved him????? Now that he thought about it, it made sense. Starbuck's insistence on keeping a close watch on him every time they faced the Cylons. Starbuck's willingness to risk his own safety to protect him. Starbuck's offer to the beings in the white ships to give up his own life in exchange for Apollo's. Starbuck's jealousy of Serena. Now that he knew this, though, he didn't know what to do about it. He cared very much for his wingmate. Starbuck was his best friend and closer to him than a brother. He couldn't imagine a life without him. But love? Could he love Starbuck? He would need to think about this for awhile. "I guess I should go back to my quarters and lie down for awhile before Boxey gets back." He tried to smile. "Thanks." "For what?" Starbuck wanted to know. "For being stubborn." Starbuck watched Apollo leave, not understanding what his friend had meant, then headed to the Bachelor Officers Quarters. It would take him awhile to calm down. Seeing the viper console blow up practically in Apollo's face had scared him more than he liked to admit, even to himself. He wondered what Apollo would do if he ever found out how his best friend and wingmate actually felt about him. Would he push Starbuck away, never want to see him again? No, he was too good a friend to do that. He'd probably be excruciatingly nice, polite and understanding, and explain that he just didn't feel the same way. He would only break Starbuck's heart in the process. No, it was better not to tell Apollo how he felt. He didn't even know what he would say if he did. How do you tell another person that they've become your entire life? "I love you, Apollo," Starbuck whispered. Later, in his quarters, lying in bed, Apollo let his thoughts run freely. Starbuck was in love with him. He knew that he loved Starbuck, but could he love Starbuck *that* way? Could he love Starbuck as a lover? Could he love Starbuck physically? When the two of them had been teens, they'd both been walking masses of hormones and had often jerked off in front of each other. A few times they'd even jerked each other off. At the time, they'd just thought of it as a way to relieve frustration. Since the Academy residences were sex-segregated, they'd had few opportunities to connect with girls. They'd been given sex education lectures along with their regular classes. In one of those lectures they'd been told that it was perfectly normal for young people who lived in single-sex environments to indulge in sex play with each other. Starbuck had grinned and winked at him when he'd heard that. Apollo's cock stirred. He started thinking of how it would feel to have sex with Starbuck. Make love with Starbuck. He imagined Starbuck's hand on his cock, jerking him off. He imagined kissing Starbuck. He imagined what it would feel like to be inside Starbuck. His cock was hard now. He started stroking himself, all the while imagining it was Starbuck doing it to him. When he came, he had to bite his lip to keep from shouting his wingmate's name out loud. Well, frack. If thinking about Starbuck could do that to him, then surely he could have sex with him. But could he love Starbuck? He already did, he realized. He probably always had. Now he had to figure out how to approach him. What could he do? He didn't want to just walk up to him and blurt out, "I love you." He needed the right approach. However, not blurting out his love for his friend was harder than he'd thought. Every time he saw Starbuck, Apollo wanted to grab him, hold on to him, and never let him go. He'd had a similar feeling the time Starbuck had been captured and thought to be dead. He'd grabbed hold of him when he'd returned, but had released him. He hadn't wanted to, but he'd had no choice. His feelings were just as strong now as they had been then, or even stronger, and he didn't have a wife to hold him back now. Maybe he shouldn't spend so much time with Starbuck. He decided he'd just have to stay away until he decided exactly how to go about declaring his love. He also had to be certain that Starbuck felt the same way. He'd been pretty sure that he'd seen the love in Starbuck's eyes, but until he actually heard the Lieutenant say the words, he couldn't be completely sure. Starbuck soon began to notice that his wingmate and supposed best friend was staying away from him. Why was Apollo avoiding him? Had he failed to hide his feelings for the Captain? Frack, it must have been after that stupid accident when Apollo was trying to fix his viper. He must not have hidden how worried he was. Now Apollo knew. He had thought Apollo wouldn't stop being his friend. But he must have been wrong. Now he'd lost the person who meant more to him than his own life. Well, sitting here moping wouldn't do him any good. He'd go see Apollo, perhaps for the last time. If Apollo really didn't want to be friends anymore, then he'd simply disappear quietly. Take his viper and fly until he ran out of fuel, or until the Cylons got him, whichever came first. It was too late to see him tonight, though. Apollo and Boxey would likely be asleep. He wasn't likely to get any sleep himself, so he decided to do what he often did when he had trouble sleeping: indulge in his favourite fantasies of Apollo. This particular fantasy took place in the showers after a Triad match. He imagined his Triad partner slipping into the shower with him. He would express his surprise, of course, and Apollo would confess to having wanted him for a long time. First, he would slowly rub soap all over Apollo's body, covering every micron. Then Apollo would do the same to him. Apollo would slip his fingers inside Starbuck's ass, using the soap as a lubricant. As he played out this scene in his head, Starbuck slipped his own fingers inside of himself, trying to imagine that they were Apollo's. The other hand lazily stroked his cock. He imagined Apollo producing lubricant from somewhere. This was a fantasy. He didn't need to be too realistic. He imagined Apollo penetrating him from behind, pushing him up against the shower wall, then taking his cock in his hand and stroking him in time with his thrusts. Starbuck speeded up his strokes as his fantasy got hotter. He could barely keep himself from groaning out loud. His hips raised from the bed as he began thrusting into his hand. In his fantasy, Apollo cried out his love for him as they both came at the same time. He came into his hand as he came in his fantasy. The next day, Starbuck waited outside Apollo's quarters until Boxey left for Learning Period, then knocked on the door. Hearing the knock, Apollo frowned. Who the frack would want to see him this early? He opened the door to reveal Starbuck standing there. "C-come in," Apollo stammered. Frack, frack, frack. What did Starbuck want? "What can I do for you?" "Tell me why you've been avoiding me," Starbuck answered, very close to begging. The Captain groaned inwardly. He had hoped Starbuck wouldn't ask him that. "Please, Apollo, I have to know." "I'll tell you if you answer a question for me first." "Anything," Starbuck answered. Apollo took a deep breath and braced himself. "Starbuck, do you love me?" Nervously, Starbuck answered, "Of course I love you, Apollo. You're my best friend." He hoped that Apollo wouldn't pursue the question any further. Maybe he could get away with this bit of diversion. "That's not what I mean. I mean, are you in love with me?" Starbuck swallowed hard. "Is that why you've stayed away?" he asked. "I know it's not what you expected. I tried to hide it. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or scare you away. I wish I could just stop, but I can't." He turned and headed for the door. "I'll leave. I'll go away. I know you don't feel the same way." "Wait a micron!" Apollo cried out, jumping between Starbuck and the door. "Star, I don't want you to leave. Please don't go." With a hopeful expression, Starbuck asked, "Is there any way we can still be friends?" "Friends?" Apollo frowned. "I don't know if we can be friends." "I understand," the Lieutenant sighed. "I'll go." This was not going the way Apollo wanted. Before Starbuck could turn away, Apollo grabbed him and kissed him hard. "Don't leave me," he begged. "I love you." Starbuck leaned on the door, breathing hard from the kiss. "You - you love me?" "I love you truly, madly, deeply. Please tell me that you feel the same." The blond man grabbed his wingmate and kissed him as hard as he'd just been kissed. "I love you, Apollo," he gasped when he was finished. Apollo pulled the other man to him and hugged him. "Thank the Lords," he sighed. "I was so afraid I'd misjudged your feelings." "But why did you stay away?" Starbuck wanted to know. The pain of being separated from the man he loved was still fresh. "I didn't know how to tell you," Apollo admitted. "How do you tell another person that they're your entire life?" "Your entire life?" Starbuck repeated in awe. Apollo nodded mutely. "It's okay, Pol. If I'm your life, then you're mine. I don't think I could live without you." The two of them stood in the middle of the room just holding each other for several centons. Eventually, Apollo asked, "So now what do we do?" "Let me tell you an idea I had involving the shower," Starbuck suggested. END