"I'm fine!" Apollo protested stubbornly as Starbuck pushed him into the
Life Centre. 

"You are not fine," Starbuck answered, equally as stubbornly. "Why the
frack you insisted on trying to repair the short in your viper's console,
I have no idea, but you did, and it blew up on you, and now you are hurt
and you are going to get medical attention." 

"I am not hurt," Apollo argued.

Starbuck stopped, grabbed his wingmate, removed his jacket and pushed up
the sleeve of his tunic, exposing the red, inflamed skin. "That doesn't
look like 'not hurt' to me." 

"It's just a minor burn."

"Let me be the judge of that, Apollo," Dr. Salik interrupted the two
warriors. 

The Captain knew he didn't have any choice, not now that the doctor had
seen his burns. "Just wait until you want me to try one of your new
systems or loan you some money," he hissed at his wingmate. "You *will*
pay for this." 

"Yeah, I'm sure I will," the Lieutenant sighed. "I'll pay for trying to
help you." He turned and walked away, his shoulders hunched over, looking
miserable. 

Apollo stared after him, suddenly realizing that he'd hurt his friend.
Unfortunately, he had a tendency to ignore Starbuck's feelings much of the
time, mainly because Starbuck tried to hide them and it was easy to forget
how sensitive he actually was. He didn't want to hurt Starbuck, but he
did. And he hated himself for it every time. 

Salik ordered Apollo to strip, and examined the cuts and burns on his
body. "How did these happen?" he asked. He hadn't heard Starbuck scolding
his Captain. 

"I was trying to find the source of a short circuit in the weapons console
in my viper. I crossed the wrong wires, and there was a small - very small
- explosion. I got hit with a few sparks and some fragments." 

When he was finished his examination, the doctor told Apollo, "You're
lucky, Captain. Your injuries are minor. However, if you'd left them alone
they could have become infected. Starbuck was right to bring you in." He
treated the wounds and gave Apollo some mild painkillers. 

"I know," Apollo answered reluctantly. "I guess I should go apologize to
him." If he could find him, that was. 

To his surprise, Starbuck was just outside, waiting for him to come out.
He didn't say anything, possibly fearing another verbal blast, but Apollo
could see his wingmate carefully studying him, checking on his injuries. 

"I'm all right," Apollo reassured him, "thanks to you. Dr. Salik said you
were right to bring me here. He said my cuts and burns are minor, but they
could have become infected without treatment. Not to mention that they
hurt like Hades." 

Starbuck stared at his shoes, as if he suddenly found them and the deck
beneath to be terribly interesting. "I just wanted an excuse to come here
and see Cassie," he lied. 

Knowing that Cassiopeia wasn't on duty, Apollo caught the falsehood
immediately, but decided not to say anything. Starbuck prided himself on
not getting too close to anyone, and Apollo didn't want to embarrass him. 

"You should probably go back to your quarters and get some rest," Starbuck
told his friend.

Apollo knew that Starbuck was probably right, but he was reluctant to
leave his wingmate. He still felt guilty over being so short with him
earlier. "Look, Starbuck, I'm sorry I was so stubborn. I should know
better." Know better than what, he wasn't sure. Know better than to try to
fix his damaged viper on his own? Know better than to leave minor wounds
untreated? Know better than to argue with Starbuck? 

"It's not the first time you've yelled at me, Pol," Starbuck replied.

This, unfortunately, was something Apollo was well aware of. He often took
his bad tempers out on Starbuck, and his wingmate put up with it. 

"No matter how many times I've done it, I shouldn't have done it even
once," Apollo answered. 

Starbuck smiled slightly. "Last time I checked, you were still human,
Apollo. Considering the conditions we all live in, the things we've been
through, losing your temper once in awhile is understandable." 

Not for the first time, Apollo wondered why his friend put up with him. He
studied the other man carefully, looking for signs that Starbuck's
feelings were still hurt. It was while he was doing this that he saw it.
It was well-hidden, but it was there: love. 

Starbuck loved him.

Starbuck loved him?????

Now that he thought about it, it made sense. Starbuck's insistence on
keeping a close watch on him every time they faced the Cylons. Starbuck's
willingness to risk his own safety to protect him. Starbuck's offer to the
beings in the white ships to give up his own life in exchange for
Apollo's. Starbuck's jealousy of Serena. 

Now that he knew this, though, he didn't know what to do about it. He
cared very much for his wingmate. Starbuck was his best friend and closer
to him than a brother. He couldn't imagine a life without him. But love? 

Could he love Starbuck?

He would need to think about this for awhile. "I guess I should go back to
my quarters and lie down for awhile before Boxey gets back." He tried to
smile. "Thanks." 

"For what?" Starbuck wanted to know.

"For being stubborn."

Starbuck watched Apollo leave, not understanding what his friend had
meant, then headed to the Bachelor Officers Quarters. It would take him
awhile to calm down. Seeing the viper console blow up practically in
Apollo's face had scared him more than he liked to admit, even to himself. 

He wondered what Apollo would do if he ever found out how his best friend
and wingmate actually felt about him. Would he push Starbuck away, never
want to see him again? No, he was too good a friend to do that. He'd
probably be excruciatingly nice, polite and understanding, and explain
that he just didn't feel the same way. 

He would only break Starbuck's heart in the process.

No, it was better not to tell Apollo how he felt. He didn't even know what
he would say if he did. How do you tell another person that they've become
your entire life? 

"I love you, Apollo," Starbuck whispered.

Later, in his quarters, lying in bed, Apollo let his thoughts run freely.
Starbuck was in love with him. He knew that he loved Starbuck, but could
he love Starbuck *that* way? Could he love Starbuck as a lover? Could he
love Starbuck physically? 

When the two of them had been teens, they'd both been walking masses of
hormones and had often jerked off in front of each other. A few times
they'd even jerked each other off. At the time, they'd just thought of it
as a way to relieve frustration. Since the Academy residences were
sex-segregated, they'd had few opportunities to connect with girls. 

They'd been given sex education lectures along with their regular classes.
In one of those lectures they'd been told that it was perfectly normal for
young people who lived in single-sex environments to indulge in sex play
with each other. Starbuck had grinned and winked at him when he'd heard
that. 

Apollo's cock stirred. He started thinking of how it would feel to have
sex with Starbuck. Make love with Starbuck. He imagined Starbuck's hand on
his cock, jerking him off. He imagined kissing Starbuck. He imagined what
it would feel like to be inside Starbuck. 

His cock was hard now. He started stroking himself, all the while
imagining it was Starbuck doing it to him. When he came, he had to bite
his lip to keep from shouting his wingmate's name out loud. 

Well, frack. If thinking about Starbuck could do that to him, then surely
he could have sex with him. But could he love Starbuck? 

He already did, he realized. He probably always had.

Now he had to figure out how to approach him. What could he do? He didn't
want to just walk up to him and blurt out, "I love you." He needed the
right approach. 

However, not blurting out his love for his friend was harder than he'd
thought. Every time he saw Starbuck, Apollo wanted to grab him, hold on to
him, and never let him go. He'd had a similar feeling the time Starbuck
had been captured and thought to be dead. He'd grabbed hold of him when
he'd returned, but had released him. He hadn't wanted to, but he'd had no
choice.  His feelings were just as strong now as they had been then, or
even stronger, and he didn't have a wife to hold him back now. 

Maybe he shouldn't spend so much time with Starbuck. He decided he'd just
have to stay away until he decided exactly how to go about declaring his
love. He also had to be certain that Starbuck felt the same way. He'd been
pretty sure that he'd seen the love in Starbuck's eyes, but until he
actually heard the Lieutenant say the words, he couldn't be completely
sure. 

Starbuck soon began to notice that his wingmate and supposed best friend
was staying away from him. Why was Apollo avoiding him? Had he failed to
hide his feelings for the Captain?  Frack, it must have been after that
stupid accident when Apollo was trying to fix his viper. He must not have
hidden how worried he was. Now Apollo knew. 

He had thought Apollo wouldn't stop being his friend. But he must have
been wrong. Now he'd lost the person who meant more to him than his own
life.

Well, sitting here moping wouldn't do him any good. He'd go see Apollo,
perhaps for the last time. If Apollo really didn't want to be friends
anymore, then he'd simply disappear quietly.  Take his viper and fly until
he ran out of fuel, or until the Cylons got him, whichever came first.  It
was too late to see him tonight, though. Apollo and Boxey would likely be
asleep. 

He wasn't likely to get any sleep himself, so he decided to do what he
often did when he had trouble sleeping: indulge in his favourite fantasies
of Apollo. 

This particular fantasy took place in the showers after a Triad match. He
imagined his Triad partner slipping into the shower with him. He would
express his surprise, of course, and Apollo would confess to having wanted
him for a long time. 

First, he would slowly rub soap all over Apollo's body, covering every
micron. Then Apollo would do the same to him. Apollo would slip his
fingers inside Starbuck's ass, using the soap as a lubricant. As he played
out this scene in his head, Starbuck slipped his own fingers inside of
himself, trying to imagine that they were Apollo's. The other hand lazily
stroked his cock. He imagined Apollo producing lubricant from somewhere.
This was a fantasy. He didn't need to be too realistic. He imagined Apollo
penetrating him from behind, pushing him up against the shower wall, then
taking his cock in his hand and stroking him in time with his thrusts. 

Starbuck speeded up his strokes as his fantasy got hotter. He could barely
keep himself from groaning out loud. His hips raised from the bed as he
began thrusting into his hand. In his fantasy, Apollo cried out his love
for him as they both came at the same time. He came into his hand as he
came in his fantasy. 

The next day, Starbuck waited outside Apollo's quarters until Boxey left
for Learning Period, then knocked on the door. 

Hearing the knock, Apollo frowned. Who the frack would want to see him
this early? He opened the door to reveal Starbuck standing there.
                
"C-come in," Apollo stammered. Frack, frack, frack. What did Starbuck
want? "What can I do for you?" 
                
"Tell me why you've been avoiding me," Starbuck answered, very close to
begging. 
                
The Captain groaned inwardly. He had hoped Starbuck wouldn't ask him that. 

"Please, Apollo, I have to know."
                
"I'll tell you if you answer a question for me first."
                
"Anything," Starbuck answered.
                
Apollo took a deep breath and braced himself. "Starbuck, do you love me?" 
                
Nervously, Starbuck answered, "Of course I love you, Apollo. You're my
best friend." He hoped that Apollo wouldn't pursue the question any
further. Maybe he could get away with this bit of diversion.
                
"That's not what I mean. I mean, are you in love with me?"
                
Starbuck swallowed hard. "Is that why you've stayed away?" he asked. "I
know it's not what you expected. I tried to hide it. I didn't want to make
you uncomfortable or scare you away. I wish I could just stop, but I
can't." He turned and headed for the door. "I'll leave. I'll go away. I
know you don't feel the same way."
                
"Wait a micron!" Apollo cried out, jumping between Starbuck and the door. 
"Star, I don't want you to leave. Please don't go."
                
With a hopeful expression, Starbuck asked, "Is there any way we can still
be friends?"
                
"Friends?" Apollo frowned. "I don't know if we can be friends."
                
"I understand," the Lieutenant sighed. "I'll go."
                
This was not going the way Apollo wanted. Before Starbuck could turn away,
Apollo grabbed him and kissed him hard. "Don't leave me," he begged. "I
love you." 
                
Starbuck leaned on the door, breathing hard from the kiss. "You - you love
me?" 
 
"I love you truly, madly, deeply. Please tell me that you feel the same." 

The blond man grabbed his wingmate and kissed him as hard as he'd just
been kissed. "I love you, Apollo," he gasped when he was finished.

Apollo pulled the other man to him and hugged him. "Thank the Lords," he
sighed. "I was so afraid I'd misjudged your feelings."
                
"But why did you stay away?" Starbuck wanted to know. The pain of being
separated from the man he loved was still fresh. 
                
"I didn't know how to tell you," Apollo admitted. "How do you tell another
person that they're your entire life?" 
                
"Your entire life?" Starbuck repeated in awe.
                
Apollo nodded mutely.
                
"It's okay, Pol. If I'm your life, then you're mine. I don't think I could
live without you."

The two of them stood in the middle of the room just holding each other
for several centons.  Eventually, Apollo asked, "So now what do we do?"
                
"Let me tell you an idea I had involving the shower," Starbuck suggested. 
                
END