Starbuck looked at his friend. He'd decided that it would be a good idea
for them to spend the evening together because today would have been
Apollo and Serina's wedding anniversary. Now he was wondering if it really
had been a good idea. He was getting more depressed than Apollo, who had
been talking about his courtship of, and marriage to, Serina. 

"To tell you the truth," Apollo said as he downed another glass of mead,
"the entire wedding is somewhat of a blur. It happened so fast, I barely
remember it." 

"Why was Serina in such a hurry to get Sealed?" Starbuck asked.

"She said it was to take everyone's mind off what had been happening - the
pilots getting sick, your being missing and presumed ..." his voice
faltered a bit, "presumed dead, being in the middle of that endless black
void. Or maybe she just was afraid I'd back out." 

"I'm sorry I missed your wedding, since I was supposed to be your best man
and all," Starbuck lied. 

"You didn't miss much," Apollo replied. "I mean, it was a nice ceremony, I
suppose, but nothing really spectacular." 

"I envy you, you know," Starbuck told Apollo suddenly.

"Envy me? Why?"

"You have a family. You grew up with parents and a brother and sister. And
you had Serina ... I know your time together was short, but at least you
knew she loved you. You know what it's like to be loved. I've never ...
never had that." 

Apollo frowned. "You don't know what it's like to be loved?"

"No," Starbuck answered. "Not the love of a family, not the love of a
lover.  I've had - well, I guess I've had sex partners, but not really
lovers. Not one who truly loved me." 

"Have you ever loved anyone?" Apollo asked.

"Sure," Starbuck smiled sadly. 

"Don't you think they love you too, whoever it is?" Apollo asked.

"Probably not. I've never really let anyone get close enough to me to love
me. Wasn't really much chance to get close to people at the orphanage
where I grew up. Kids would leave because they were adopted, or because
they got too old to live there anymore. The staff wouldn't let themselves
get overly fond of us for that reason. And during the war, well ... people
were always getting transfers to different ships, or even worse, getting
killed in battles. Then of course there was the Destruction ... it just
seemed safer not to form attachments, you know?"  

Just as Apollo was about to reply, the door opened and Boxey and Adama
came in. "Sorry to interrupt your evening, but Boxey forgot something,"
the Commander explained. Boxey was spending the evening with his
grandfather. 

"It's good to see you, Starbuck. How are you?" Adama asked with a friendly
smile. 

Surprised, Starbuck answered, "I'm fine, sir. Thank you for asking."

"You should come with Apollo when he has dinner with me and Athena
sometime. We've missed having you at our family gatherings. Unless of
course Athena is still angry at you." 

Starbuck smiled. "No, sir, Athena and I are on reasonably civil terms
these days." 

"Then please, do join us," Adama told him. 

Boxey came rushing back in. "Hi Starbuck!" he said cheerfully, giving his
favourite 'uncle' a hug.  "When are you going to come back and tell me
another story?" 

"Soon, kiddo, soon," Starbuck laughed, returning the hug. "Now go join
your grandfather while your dad and I talk about grownup things." 

"Grownup things are boring. Come on, Muffit," Boxey called to his robot
daggit as he and the Commander left. 

"Starbuck, do you think you would know if someone loved you? Would you
recognize it?"  Apollo asked. 

The Lieutenant thought for a few centons. "I don't know," he finally
answered. "I don't think so." 

"I thought not," sighed his friend. "Starbuck, in the five centons that my
father and Boxey were here, both of them showed you that they love you." 

"Love? Your father and Boxey?"

"Yes. Father invited you to our *family* dinner. And Boxey asked for you
to come tell him a story and he hugged you. Boxey doesn't hug just anyone,
you know." 

"That's what love is?" Starbuck asked. "I never realized it before." 

"And your friends love you, too," Apollo added. "Like Boomer, and Jolly.
I'm sure they love you." 

Starbuck frowned. "What about you, Apollo? Do you love me?" he asked.

"Yes, I do."

"As a friend?"

"No," Apollo answered. "Not as a friend. As a lover."

Starbuck sighed with relief. "Good. Because I love you - as a lover."

"Do you know what it feels like when someone you love makes love to you?"
Apollo asked. 

"No, I don't - but I have the feeling you're about to show me."

"You'd better believe it, Bucko."

And he did.

END