Sometimes Starbuck wondered why the Galactica's crew bothered keeping
track of the date when they were in space. Every world they visited had
its own calendar system. The colonies didn't exist anymore. He assumed
that if they ever did find Earth, the Earth people would have their own
calendar as well. 

Maybe it was just today's date that was getting him down. The anniversary
of the great destruction. The day the colonies had died.  All of the
warriors were expected to attend a memorial service tonight. The memorial
would be broadcast throughout the fleet on IFB.  Starbuck didn't want to
attend, but it was mandatory, according to Colonel Tigh. It wasn't as if
Starbuck had lost anyone in the Destruction. Well, he had been fond of
Ila, Apollo's mother, and Zac, too, but they were Apollo's family, not
his. Still, he'd cared for them, and he missed them.  Sometimes Starbuck
thought that being an orphan was preferable to having a family - there was
no one to grieve for. And no one to grieve for him if he died. He supposed
that his lovers might miss him. Maybe Apollo would grieve. He knew that he
would grieve if anything ever happened to his best friend. 

Best friend. Ha. Apollo was the one that Starbuck loved more than anyone
else in the universe.  But he'd never said anything about it. He'd come
close once, after Serina died, but had decided that when your best buddy
is mourning his dead wife it's not a good time to confess to being in love
with him. 

With a wistful sigh, Starbuck finished adjusting his dress uniform and
headed to the auditorium for the memorial service. Maybe Apollo would join
him for a drink afterwards. He knew that there was a separate event
planned for the fleet's children, so Apollo wouldn't have to worry about
getting back to Boxey right away. 

Apollo was indeed willing to join Starbuck and some of the other warriors
in the Officer's Club. Toasts were being drunk in the memory of lost loved
ones. Starbuck took Apollo to a table away from the main group; not having
anyone to drink to, he didn't want to participate in the ritual. 

"Why so serious?" the Lieutenant finally asked his friend.

"Starbuck, do you ever get the feeling that some god, somewhere ... has it
in for you?" Apollo asked. 

Surprised, Starbuck answered, "No, I can't say that I have. Why?"

"Sometimes I wonder, that's all. I mean, I lost my mother, and Zac, and
Serina, so close together, I wonder if I'm being punished for something." 

"You're not the only one who lost people, Pol," Starbuck reminded him. 

"I know that. Lords, I know that. But it wasn't like I lost them all in
the Destruction. My mother, yes. But Zac was killed flying a patrol, and
Serina was shot by a Centurion down on Kobol. Completely unrelated events,
but they all took the lives of people that I loved. Sometimes I think that
maybe it's just safer not to love anyone. Then I won't have to risk losing
them." 

"You still have a family," the blond man pointed out. "You have a son, a
father and a sister.  You're more fortunate than most of the people at
that service tonight. Many of them lost their entire families." 

"What would you know about it?" Apollo challenged him. "You never had a
family. You don't know what it's like." 

"How dare you?" Starbuck asked. "How dare you? Zac was my friend, Apollo.
And I did have a mother once, just like you. Yes, she died before I was
really old enough to remember much about her, but I still loved her. And I
cared for your mother - she practically adopted me every time I went home
with you on holidays from the academy or when we were on shore leave. Do
you think I don't grieve, Apollo? Do you?" He realized that his emotions
were very close to the surface and in this mood, he was quite likely to
say something he would regret. He jumped up from the table and stormed out
of the OC, hesitating just long enough to leave some money on the table to
pay for his drink. 

Stunned by his friend's outburst, it took Apollo a few centons to realize
that Starbuck wasn't coming back. He quickly dropped some coins on the
table next to the ones Starbuck had left and headed out after him, but the
Lieutenant was nowhere in sight. He'd probably just gone back to the
Bachelor Officer's Quarters, and wouldn't be hard to find, but the BOQ was
not a place to have a personal conversation. There was very little privacy
to be found on a crowded ship like the Galactica. No, he'd have to wait
until he could get Starbuck alone. Maybe his wingman would be willing to
drop by Apollo's quarters tomorrow. He'd ask him when they went on patrol. 

To Apollo's surprise, however, Starbuck had switched patrols with Jolly
and was heading out with Boomer. By the time Apollo got to the viper bay,
the two warriors had already left.  "Everything all right, Captain?" Jolly
asked when he encountered his superior standing in the launch bay looking
out after the departed vipers. 

"Everything's fine, Jolly," Apollo replied dismissively.

"You and Starbuck have some kind of falling out?" the smaller man
persisted. 

"How did you know?"

"Well, it was kind of obvious the way he stormed out of the OC last night.
Bucko is a bit of a hot head. I'm sure you know that. And emotions were
kind of high last night with it being the anniversary and all. I'm sure
he'll get over it, whatever it is." 

"I sure hope so," the Captain muttered as he went to his office to wait
for the patrol to return. 

A couple of centares later, Apollo looked up from his paperwork and
checked the chronometer on his desk. Starbuck and Boomer were overdue. He
went out to find Jolly. The warrior was running a maintenance check on his
viper. "Jolly, have you heard from Starbuck or Boomer?" 

"No, Captain, I haven't, and I'm starting to get worried."

"I'll go up to the bridge and find out if anyone's heard from them." 

Apollo almost ran to the bridge. The lifts felt much too slow for his
liking. Starbuck was just late, that was all. A minor delay. Nothing could
have happened to him. 

"Captain, what brings you here?" Colonel Tigh asked when he saw Apollo. 

"The last patrol is overdue. Starbuck and Boomer. I was wondering if
anyone had heard from them." 

"Omega?" Tigh asked the young man monitoring radio signals.

"There's a message coming in from Lt. Boomer, sir," Omega answered. "He
was in a fire fight with a few Cylons, and his viper was damaged, but he's
bringing it back in right now." 

"Just Boomer?" Apollo asked, his heart in his throat. "Not Starbuck?"

"Nothing from Lieutenant Starbuck yet, sir."

"Frack," the Captain muttered. He headed back down to the viper bay to
talk to Boomer. 

The warrior's viper was quite badly damaged, but intact. Boomer,
thankfully, was also in one piece. "Boomer, what happened?" Apollo
demanded. 

"Group of Cylons surprised us. They separated me and Starbuck. I lost
contact with him. I don't know where he is. I'm sorry, Apollo." 

How had Boomer known he was going to ask for information about Starbuck?
Were his feelings for his wingman so obvious? And if they were, did
Starbuck already know about them? He hoped that hadn't been behind the
Lieutenant's abrupt departure from the OC the night before. 

"Thanks anyway, Boomer. Report to the Life Center - Dr. Salik is waiting
for you." 

The dark man headed out of the viper bay, then stopped and put a hand on
Apollo's shoulder.  "He'll come back, Apollo. He always does." 

Apollo headed back up to the bridge to request permission to take out a
scouting patrol to look for Starbuck. Adama refused, citing Boomer's
report of Cylon patrols in the area. It was too risky to send out any more
vipers. Apollo argued with him, but Adama stood firm. Finally, the Captain
turned and stormed out of the Commander's office. His father's voice
stopped him just as he stepped into the corridor. "Don't you dare even
think of disobeying my orders, Apollo," Adama warned him. "I'll post a
guard around your viper if I have to." 

His father knew him too well.

Feeling completely helpless, not able to go out and search for his missing
friend, Apollo sat on the bridge, staring at the scanners. He'd done that
once before, looking for Starbuck. And Starbuck had returned. He could
only hope .... 

There! A blip on the screen. Could it be?

"Lieutenant Starbuck to the Battlestar Galactica."

"Galactica here, go ahead Starbuck," answered Omega. Tigh shot Apollo a
knowing look.

Apollo hovered around Omega's chair until he heard Starbuck say that he
was on his way in.  Then the Captain took off down to the viper bay to
meet him. He arrived just as Starbuck's viper pulled in, and waited
impatiently for the Lieutenant to disembark. While he waited he noticed
the extensive damage to the craft. No wonder Starbuck had been delayed. It
was a miracle he'd made it back at all. 

Starbuck climbed down from his viper, surprised to see Apollo waiting for
him. He was even more surprised when Apollo grabbed him and held him
tightly, murmuring his name over and over again. "Hey, Apollo? Are you all
right?" he asked. He noticed Boomer and Jolly standing nearby and wondered
if they knew what was wrong with the Captain. 

"Starbuck, I thought I'd lost you. I thought it had happened again!"

"Thought what had happened again?"

"The - jinx, curse, whatever it is, the one that I told you about last
night. The one that makes everyone I love leave me ... die." 

"Apollo, did you just say that you love me?" Starbuck asked. He thought
that was what Apollo had said, though in a rather roundabout way. 

"Yeah. I guess I just did. Are you okay with that?"

Starbuck smiled. "I am more than okay with that, Pol. But can we talk
about this somewhere else?" 

"My quarters," Apollo answered, putting an arm around Starbuck's shoulders
and steering him toward the lift. Boxey would still be in Learning Period,
so he and Starbuck could be alone. 

Once inside Apollo's quarters, Starbuck found himself on the receiving end
of another embrace.  "Lords, Starbuck, I was so frightened. I thought I'd
lost you." 

Starbuck returned the embrace, holding his friend tightly. "You didn't
lose me. I'm right here." 

The two men moved over to the couch and sat, still holding on to each
other. "I love you, Starbuck," Apollo finally told him. 

"I love you too, Pol."

"I'm sorry for what I said last night, about you not having a family. I
didn't think about your relationship with Zac, or my mother, or even about
your mother. But you do have a family here, Star. My family is your
family." 

"I know that. That was why I got so pissed at you last night when you said
I didn't have a family." 

"I'm sorry for that. I was trying to keep you at a distance. I was afraid
that if I loved you, you would wind up like Serina, or Zac, or my mother -
dead at the hands of the Cylons." 

"What changed your mind?" Starbuck asked.

"The fact that you survived. And the fact that I couldn't *not* love you.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving you." 

"I'm glad you stopped trying, then," Starbuck answered, and kissed him. 

Apollo could hardly believe that Starbuck had kissed him. He'd been
wishing for it, dreaming of it, for so long, and now it was happening. He
returned the kiss with enthusiasm, eagerly pushing his tongue between his
lover's parted lips. 

After they'd kissed for several centons, Starbuck drew back. "Pol, I
really like this, but I have to see Colonel Tigh to tell him what happened
out there." 

"Boomer already told him," Apollo replied.

"Yeah, I know, but were separated for part of the time we were out. I need
to tell Tigh about that part, at least." 

Apollo sighed. "All right, but I'll come with you. Right now I don't think
I can let you out of my sight." 

As they headed toward the bridge to see Colonel Tigh, Starbuck asked, "So,
about that god that you thought had it in for you - do you still think
that?" 

Apollo grinned and flung an arm around his new lover. "If the gods let me
have you in my life, I'd say they must like me a lot more than I thought." 

END