GLOOMY SUNDAY Sunday is gloomy My hours are slumberless Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless Little white flowers Will never awaken you Not where the black coach Of sorrow has taken you Angels have no thoughts Of ever returning you Would they be angry If I thought of joining you? Gloomy Sunday --"Gloomy Sunday" by Raszo Seress (recorded by Sarah McLachlan) NO! This couldn't be happening. He and Ray were supposed to spend the day together. It was Sunday. The rest of the Vecchio family would be at church but Ray had decided to skip out and spend the day with his lover. Just him and Benny, nothing special, just being together. But now that was all over. Ray was dead. He had no idea how it had happened. But there was Ray, cold and lifeless on the floor. Was it a heart attack? A stroke? He knelt on the floor beside his partner and wept. How could this have happened? What would he do without his Ray? Benny knew that Ray's religion frowned on suicide. But how could he go on living, alone once more? He'd been alone most of his life, it was true, but he'd never known anything different until Ray came into his life. He couldn't face going back to that barren, empty existence. Gloomy is Sunday With shadows I spend it all My heart and I Have decided to end it all Soon there'll be candles And prayers that are said I know But let them not weep Let them know that I'm glad to go Death is no dream For in death I'm caressing you With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you Gloomy Sunday He would end it all. He would join Ray in death. Perhaps they would meet on the other side. Ray's family would probably put on a big funeral mass with candles and flowers and prayers. The RCMP would take care of arrangements for Fraser. Not that he really cared. The sooner he got this over with, the better. He bent and kissed Ray one more time. Then he took his father's gun out of the trunk where he'd stored it since coming to Chicago. As he drew his last breath and pulled the trigger, he whispered, "I love you, Ray." Dreaming, I was only dreaming I wake and I find you asleep In the deep of my heart here Darling I hope That my dream never haunted you My heart is telling you How much I wanted you Gloomy Sunday BANG! The noise woke Ray Vecchio from where he had been sleeping next to Benny. He opened his eyes to see Benny sitting up and shaking like a leaf. "Benny? You okay? What was that noise?" "Ray! Oh God ... Ray ... was it just a dream?" "Was what a dream?" asked the Italian as he gently eased his partner back down beside him. "You're trembling, Benny. Did the bang startle you? I'm sure it was just some kids playing with firecrackers." "Ray ... I had a dream that you - that you - " he was overcome by sobs and couldn't continue. Holding the other man close, Ray tried his best to soothe him. "Benny, whatever it was, it's not real. You're awake now. It was just a dream." "I dreamed that you were dead," Fraser stated through his tears. "Oh man, Benny, no wonder you're upset." Ray kissed the tear tracks on his lover's face. "But as you can see," he kissed Benny again, "I'm perfectly all right." Fraser took a deep breath and attempted to calm himself. "Ray ... if anything happened to you ... I don't know what I would do, how I would go on. In the dream all I could think of was - joining you." "Benny, do you mean to say that if anything happened to me, you would - you would kill yourself? Benny, I don't want you to even *think* of doing something like that." "I don't want to live without you, Ray." "Benny, Benny, Benny," Ray sighed. "Listen to me. Not like I'm planning on leaving this world anytime soon, but I want you to remember something. If there ever comes a time when I'm not here," he waved his arms around to indicate the space surrounding them, "I'll still be right here." He pointed his finger to the center of Benny's chest. "And I will never leave you. I love you, Benny." Benny pulled Ray closer to him and held on for a long time. "I love you too, Ray," he said softly. Eventually the detective asked, "We still have most of our Sunday left, Benny. What do you want to do today?" After a moment's thought, the Mountie answered, "I want to stay right here." "You want to stay in bed all day?" Vecchio asked incredulously. "You never want to spend the day in bed. You always say it's lazy, or self-indulgent, or something like that." Fraser rolled over on top of his lover and kissed him soundly. "Today, I want to spend the day in bed. With you." "You got it, Benny." END