Captain Apollo sat in the duty office, across the desk from his friend,
Lt. Starbuck. Starbuck was working on some reports, long-overdue as usual,
and since he found it difficult to work in the Bachelor Officers'
Quarters, where pilots were always going in and out, he had asked Apollo
if he could work in the office instead. 

Feeling his friend's glance upon him, Starbuck looked up at him, smiled,
then went back to his writing. Apollo just sat and continued to look at
him. 'He has beautiful eyes' the Captain found himself thinking. That
thought was quickly followed by, 'Why the frack am I looking into
Starbuck's eyes?'

Thoughts of this nature had been disturbing Apollo more and more lately.
He would find himself looking at Starbuck in a way that was definitely not
the way a best friend would normally look at him.  In fact, if he had to
be honest, he would say that his glances at his friend were rather, well,
lustful. 

It wasn't that he didn't love Starbuck. He had just tried to convince
himself that his love for Starbuck was that of a friend, or a brother, not
a lover. But the way his body reacted to his wingman told him differently.
But could Starbuck love him that way? He was certain that the Lieutenant
cared very much for him, but there was a difference between "you're my
best friend"  and "I want to jump your bones." 

He wasn't going to get any work of his own done if he allowed himself to
be distracted by Starbuck's presence. With a stifled sigh, he went back to
his own reports. 

But he couldn't entirely stop himself from thinking about Starbuck's eyes. 

Later, as Apollo was leaving the office, Starbuck asked, "Where are you
heading?" 

"I'm going to pay a visit to Dr. Wilker," the Captain answered. "Boxey has
some questions about how the repairs to Muffit are coming along." The
daggit droid had been badly damaged in a fire aboard the Galactica, when
he'd rescued a trapped firefighter. 

"Mind if I come along? I feel kind of responsible for Muffit, since I was
the one that brought him back." Starbuck would do just about anything for
Boxey, and finding Muffit after the fire had made him even more of a hero
to the boy. And to the boy's father. 

"Sure," replied Apollo. "Let's go."

As they approached Wilker's lab, Starbuck was lost in thought. He
sometimes wondered if he was missing out on something by not having
children.  But Apollo didn't have any objections to his spending time with
Boxey, and in a way he felt almost like a second father to the boy.  He
wondered what would happen if Apollo ever married again. Would Apollo's
wife be good to Boxey? Would she object to Starbuck's spending time with
Boxey, or with Apollo? Apollo didn't seem to have much interest in dating,
though Starbuck had seen the looks directed at him from the female
population of the Galactica. He doubted he could ever compete with a woman
for Apollo's love. So he just contented himself with being Apollo's best
friend and tried not to let his jealousy show. 

When they reached the lab, Wilker was busy with some sort of experiment
involving several vials and beakers of chemicals. Seeing the two warriors,
he asked them to wait while he cleaned himself up, and left the room. 

Apollo wandered over to inspect a bubbling pot of liquid sitting on a hot
plate. "Do you think this is an experiment, or his lunch?" the Captain
joked. Suddenly the liquid started to boil over. 

"Apollo, look out!" Starbuck shouted as he pushed his friend away from the
boiling chemical.  Suddenly the pot exploded and the liquid shot straight
up - and into Starbuck's face. The Lieutenant cried out in pain as he
covered his eyes with his hands and sank to the floor. 

Wilker came running out of his wash room and saw Starbuck on the floor
with his hands over his eyes. Apollo was crouched next to him, holding him
and trying to comfort him. "What happened?" the scientist demanded. 

Apollo stood and faced him angrily. "One of your *experiments* exploded in
Starbuck's face,"  he snapped, pointing to where the chemicals had spilled
on the floor. 

"Oh dear," Wilker sighed. "That's not good." He knelt on the floor beside
Starbuck and gently pried the blond man's hands away from his face. "Let
me look at your eyes, Starbuck." The Lieutenant's face was badly burned
and his eyes were swollen shut. Wilker asked Apollo to get him some water,
and he rinsed Starbuck's face. "We'd better take him to the Life Center." 

"No," stated Apollo. "Let's get some medics over here first." He didn't
want to drag Starbuck through the ship's corridors when the warrior
couldn't see. 

Wilker could tell from the look on Apollo's face that it would be no use
arguing with the Captain. So he went to a communications panel and called
the Life Center. 

"Apollo? Are you still here?" Starbuck asked.

"I'm right here, buddy," said Apollo reassuringly, taking his friend into
his arms and holding him. 

"Apollo - I can't see."

"I know, but that's only temporary. When the swelling goes down,
everything will be back to normal." Of course, he had no way of knowing
whether this was true. He just hoped it was. He didn't know what would
happen if Starbuck was permanently blinded. He wouldn't be able to fly a
Viper. He wouldn't be a warrior any more. As for his women friends - would
any of them want a blind man, one who might have scars on his face from
the chemical burns? 

Starbuck had pushed him out of the way of that exploding vat of chemicals.
He could be the one with burns. What had caused Starbuck to put himself
between Apollo and the chemicals?  He didn't know, but he was going to do
all he could to find out. And to make it up to Starbuck, if he could.

"Apollo?"

Apollo tightened his arms around Starbuck. "I'm still here."

"What's going to happen to me?" Starbuck asked.

"The medics are going to take you to the Life Center, Dr. Salik will patch
you up, and then everything will be fine." 

The lieutenant snorted. "Liar," he accused. "What I mean is, what's going
to happen to me if the blindness is permanent? I won't be able to fly
anymore. I won't be a warrior."

"I don't know, buddy," Apollo admitted. "But whatever happens, I'll always
be here for you. I won't leave you." He stroked Starbuck's hair, using
touch to try and reassure his friend of his presence. "Is the pain very
bad?" 

"No."

"Now who's lying?" Apollo asked.

There was a sigh in response to his question. "All right. It hurts.
Satisfied?" 

"Of course not. Seeing you in pain doesn't make me happy. But lying about
it doesn't help you any. Starbuck, why did you get in the way of that
explosion? Why didn't you just stay back?" 

The medics arrived before Starbuck could answer, much to the warrior's
relief. He wasn't ready to confess his feelings to Apollo. The Captain
hadn't wanted him when he was able-bodied; he wouldn't want him now that
he was disabled. But Apollo had promised he wouldn't leave him - so he
wouldn't lose him as a friend, at least. 

Cassiopia met them in the Life Center. Dr. Salik examined Starbuck's burns
and put some medicated salve on them, before covering Starbuck's eyes with
gauze. "What happens now? Will Starbuck's eyes get better?" Apollo
demanded. 

"All we can do is wait," Salik responded before going to tend to another
patient. Cassie helped Starbuck into a bed and gave him a sedative and a
painkiller so that he would rest. When the lieutenant dozed off, she
turned to Apollo.

"Apollo, what happened?" she wanted to know.

"We were in Dr. Wilker's lab checking on Muffit, and we saw this vat of
chemicals on a hot plate, and I made a joke about it being Wilker's lunch.
Then it started to boil over, and Starbuck pushed me out of the way before
it blew up - only when he pushed me away, it blew up right in his face." 

"Oh, Lords," sighed Cassie. "I was afraid something like this would
happen." 

"Something like what?" Apollo asked, puzzled.

"Like Starbuck's getting hurt trying to prevent *you* from getting hurt.
Ever since he threw himself off the side of the ship to save you when you
were setting charges to smother the fire, I've been worried about him
doing something else reckless to protect you. It's nothing short of a
miracle that both of you survived that incident." 

"Starbuck's trying to protect me? I know he saved my life when we were
setting the charges. I'll never forget that. But why would Starbuck risk
his own safety for me?" 

Cassie smiled at him affectionately. "Because he loves you, you big dope,"
she told him. "Or haven't you figured that out by now?" 

From the look of pure surprise and astonishment on Apollo's face, she
realized he hadn't. 

"Oh dear. I assumed he'd told you. The two of you are always together, and
the way you were holding his hand when he was brought in ... Apollo, I
hope I haven't caused trouble by telling you this." 

Apollo shook himself. "No! No, Cassie, you haven't. But I thought that you
and Starbuck were together." 

"No, we haven't been together for a while now. We're friends, but that's
all. I can tell he doesn't love me the way that he loves you. I finally
got him to admit it. I've been after him to tell you, and like I said, I
thought he had. But he's been so afraid of losing you as a friend. I don't
think he could bring himself to believe that you love him the way that he
loves you." She gave Apollo a stern look. "You better not hurt him,
Apollo." 

"Don't worry! I have no intention of hurting him. You see, I love him too.
And it's high time that I told him so." 

"Well, I agree that it's about time. Go sit with him. He'll be confused
when he wakes up and can't see. He'll need his friend there at his side." 

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Apollo assured her.

He went and sat next to Starbuck's bed. Thoughts whirled around in his
mind. Starbuck loved him! How could he have missed seeing the signs? His
friend must have hidden them well. As well as he had hidden his own love
for Starbuck. They'd both been acting like fools. Starbuck had risked his
life for him because he loved him.  He would repay Starbuck for that if he
could.  And he would prove to the other man how much he loved him.  He'd
take Starbuck back to his own quarters and take care of him until he got
his sight back. And if he didn't get his sight back ... well, they'd deal
with that if they had to. Hopefully they wouldn't have to. 

Starbuck woke out of his light sleep and tried to look around. Then he
remembered the accident in Wilker's lab. "Apollo?" he called out. 

He felt a hand slip into his. "I'm here, Star. I'm not going anywhere." 

"How long was I asleep?" the blond warrior asked.

"Not long. About half a centar. How do you feel?"

"The pain isn't bad any more ... the drugs they gave me must have kicked
in. Hey, do you think Wilker might make me a seeing-eye daggit?" he joked. 

"You won't need one. Your sight is going to come back."

"You don't know that for certain, Pol," Starbuck reminded him.

"Starbuck, I asked you a question a little while ago, and you didn't
answer me. Think you could answer me now?" 

"What question was that?" Starbuck asked, feigning ignorance.

"Why you put yourself in danger to stop me getting burned by those
chemicals when you could have just stayed back and out of the way. Why you
let yourself get hurt to stop me getting hurt.  This didn't have to
happen." 

"Yes, it did," Starbuck muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Apollo asked.

"Look, Pol, just leave it alone, okay? I don't have an answer for you." 

"I think you do."

"I don't," Starbuck insisted.

"Actually, Cassiopia already gave me an answer. She says that you and she
broke up because you're in love with me." 

"Okay, remind me to kill Cassie when I get out of here."

"Starbuck, is it true? Do you love me?" Apollo asked, holding his breath
as he waited for an answer. 

"Yes," Starbuck answered so softly that Apollo almost didn't hear him. 

"What did you say?"

"I said yes, okay? Now go away and leave me alone."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because I know you don't love me. You don't want another man to be in
love with you." 

"Starbuck, has anyone ever told you you're a fool?"

"Not lately. The women I've been with have called me some choice names,
but I don't recall 'fool' being one of them," was Starbuck's reply. 

"Well, you are. So am I, as a matter of fact.  I've been a fool not to see
how much you love me - and a fool to not tell you how much I love you." 

"Excuse me? My eyes aren't working right now but I didn't think there was
anything wrong with my ears. I could swear you just told me that you love
me." 

"I did. I love you, Starbuck."

The lieutenant was silent for a long time, and Apollo began to worry.
Finally, though Starbuck spoke. 

"I love you, Apollo," was all he said.

"I love you too," Apollo replied, wishing that he could see Starbuck's
eyes when he said the words. He knew that they would be full of love. He
bent and kissed his love gently. 

"I wish I could see you," sighed Starbuck when the kiss ended. He reached
up and touched Apollo's face, running his fingers over every part of it.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" 

"Well, not really, no," said Apollo, embarrassed. "Nobody's ever called me
'beautiful' before." 

"Nobody? I'm blind, for Sagan's sake, and even I can see your beauty." 

Apollo took the hand from his face and kissed it. "You're beautiful too,
my love." 

"You mean I was. When these bandages come off, there's going to be scars." 

"I don't care," replied Apollo. "You are beautiful. Inside and out." Had
it only been this afternoon that he'd been observing Starbuck in the duty
office and thinking about how beautiful his eyes were? "Starbuck, you'll
get your eyes back. Somehow. If not in this life, then in the afterlife. 
Then we won't have to do anything but look at each other all the time." 

Starbuck squeezed his hand and grinned. "I hope you want to do something
besides look at me, Pol." He wiggled the fingers of his free hand. "I
think I can learn to find my way around with touch pretty quickly." 

Cassiopia came in just then, interrupting the conversation. Seeing the two
warriors holding hands, she smiled. Obviously, they'd talked. "How are you
feeling, Starbuck?" 

"As well as can be expected, I suppose," he answered.

Cassie peeled back the gauze bandages and examined Starbuck's eyes. "The
swelling is starting to go down. That's a good sign. But Dr Salik wants
you to stay here where we can keep close tabs on you. Think you can manage
that without causing too much trouble?" 

"Cassie, Starbuck can stay with me in my quarters," Apollo protested.

"That's a generous offer, Captain, but Starbuck needs his bandages changed
and medication put on his burns every few centars." 

"I can do that," Apollo answered.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Starbuck, is that all right with you?" Cassiopia asked.

"It's fine with me," the lieutenant replied.

"All right, then." Cassie gave Apollo instructions on how to care for
Starbuck's injuries, and Salik took another look at him before releasing
him into Apollo's care. 

Apollo took Starbuck back to his quarters, telling Boxey that Starbuck had
been hurt and was going to stay with them for awhile. He hoped it would be
for longer than "awhile", but he didn't want to put any pressure on
Starbuck to move in with them. The lieutenant had always appeared to enjoy
his freedom. But if his blindness was permanent, the Bachelor Officers'
Quarters would be no place for him. Especially since he wouldn't be a
warrior anymore. 

Another thing he hadn't wanted to pressure Starbuck into was sex. He and
Starbuck shared a bed, but Apollo didn't try to initiate lovemaking. But
Starbuck surprised him by taking the lead himself. What he'd said about
learning his way around by touch had been true. Starbuck had very talented
hands. He didn't need his sight to learn every inch of Apollo's body and
give him pleasure like he'd never felt before. Pleasure which Apollo was
pleased to return. 

And when Starbuck's orgasm overtook him, Apollo again wished that he could
see his lover's eyes. 

Starbuck seemed to adjust fairly well to his blindness. Salik told them
that there was still a chance that his eyesight could come back - the
swelling hadn't yet gone away completely, and the swelling was pressing on
nerves in Starbuck's eyes. But Starbuck simply smiled and nodded and
didn't say anything to the doctor. He seemed resigned to permanent
blindness. 

"I'll be all right," Starbuck answered when Apollo asked him about it.
"I've accepted the fact that I'm probably going to be blind the rest of my
life. My only regret is that I haven't actually seen you since you told me
that you love me. I would like, just once, to see the look in your eyes
when you say it." 

Boxey, along with Muffit, whom Dr. Wilker had returned a couple of days
after Starbuck's accident, became Starbuck's official "guide" around the
Galactica. He escorted Starbuck to the bachelor officers' quarters to see
his old friends. He even helped the warrior win a hand of Pyramid by
whispering to him what cards he held. He tried to take Starbuck to the
Officers' club, but was barred because of his age. He helped Starbuck
learn things like how to dress himself, how to cut up and eat his food,
how to get around Apollo's quarters without running into furniture. It
hadn't been that many yahrens ago that Boxey had needed to learn things
like how to dress and how to cut his food, and he enjoyed playing the
"grownup" and teaching Starbuck. 

One night Apollo overheard Boxey and Starbuck talking.

"I pray every night that your eyes will get better, Starbuck," Boxey
stated. 

"That's nice of you, Boxey, but you don't need to do that," Starbuck
responded. 

"Of course I do! You want to see again, don't you?"

"Well, yes and no. I mean, I want to see you grow up, I want to see Earth
when we find it - but if I get my eyesight back, I won't live with you
guys anymore. I'll have to move back to the bachelor officers' quarters." 

"But I want you to live with us!" Boxey protested.

"I want to live with you too, kid, but if I get better, I won't need you
and your dad to look after me any more, will I?" 

Boxey frowned - Starbuck could tell from his tone of voice. "I think you
do need someone to look after you. My dad needs me to look after him, so
why shouldn't I look after you, too?" 

Just then Apollo came in and interrupted. "Boxey, time for you to say your
prayers and brush your teeth. I'll come tuck you in as soon as I talk to
Starbuck." 

"Is Starbuck in some kind of trouble?" the child asked with concern. 

"No, Starbuck isn't in trouble. I just want to talk to him for a centon,"
Apollo answered. Boxey kissed Starbuck goodnight and left. Apollo turned
to his lover. 

"Starbuck, were you planning on moving out if you get your eyesight back?" 

"Of course. I know that my living with you is only temporary."

"Why do you think that?" Apollo asked, perplexed.

"Look, Pol, you've been taking care of me since the accident, and I
appreciate it, but I know you.  You feel responsible for what happened to
me. If I get better, you won't feel guilty any more, and this - whatever
kind of relationship we have - will be over." 

"You think that our relationship is based on *guilt*?" Apollo asked in
astonishment. 

"Isn't it? You never told me that you loved me before I got hurt." 

"So I have lousy timing. That doesn't mean my feelings for you aren't
genuine." 

"I want to believe you, Pol, but - "

"But what, Star? Why can't you believe that I love you, that the state of
your eyesight doesn't make a difference to how I feel about you?" 

"I can't see you," Starbuck admitted.

"I know that you can't see me, but what difference does that make?" 

"I can't look into your eyes and know that you're telling the truth." 

Apollo gently touched the bandages that covered his lover's eyes. "I can't
see your eyes either, but I believe you when you say that you love me." 

"You're more trusting than I am, I guess."

Apollo took Starbuck's hands in his. "I love you, Starbuck. I love you and
I want us to continue being lovers, and I want you to live with me and
Boxey. For good. Whether you get your eyesight back or not. I want us to
be a family."

A few tears slipped out from under the bandages. "I love you, Pol,"
Starbuck whispered. 

"Then will you stay?" Apollo asked.

"Yes."

"Permanently?"

"For as long as you're willing to put up with me."

Apollo took the other man into his arms. "That means permanently." 

The next day Starbuck had an appointment at the Life Center. Salik and
Cassiopia took him and Apollo into a small room and turned out the lights.
Then Salik carefully removed the bandages.  "Don't open your eyes right
away, Starbuck. Give them a chance to adjust." Then he turned to Cassie.
"Turn the lights up just a little." 

Cassie turned the lights up so that the room was dimly lit. "Open your
eyes, Starbuck," Salik instructed. 

Starbuck did so. He opened his eyes and blinked, then blinked again. Then
he turned to Apollo.  "Apollo?" 

"Yes?"

Starbuck smiled. "You're even more beautiful than I remember."

It took a moment for Apollo to realize what Starbuck was saying, then with
a shout of joy he threw his arms around his lover and held him tightly.

Cassiopia gradually increased the amount of light in the room so that
Starbuck's eyes could adjust before he left the Life Center. Salik gave
Starbuck some cream to put on his scars. "It should fade them
considerably, but not entirely," he told the warrior. 

"I don't care if I have scars. I have my eyes back - that's all that
matters," Starbuck told him. He grinned at Apollo. "Not like I'm going to
be going out chasing women anymore." 

Apollo took Starbuck back to their quarters, where they stood and just
looked at each other for a few centons. "Starbuck, look into my eyes,"
Apollo told him. Starbuck did so. 

"I love you, Starbuck."

"I know," Starbuck answered. "I don't need to see your eyes to know that.
I love you, too." 

Apollo looked into his lover's eyes. "Your eyes are beautiful," he said. 

Starbuck smiled at him - a smile that took in his entire face, including
his eyes. "So are yours, Pol.  Now, can I look at the rest of you?" 

END