Apollo looked around the small, empty room and wondered just what he was
doing here. 

It was the Day of the Dead. In ancient Kobolian tradition, it was supposed
to be a day when the spirits of loved ones who had passed away returned to
the ones they had loved in their lifetimes.  Few people actually believed
they could communicate with the dead, but every yahren on this day people
remembered loved ones they had lost. Or at least, they had until the
Destruction.  Now the anniversary date of the death of the colonies was
the day people honoured the dead.  And there were certainly enough of
them. But Apollo still clung stubbornly to the ancient tradition, which
was why he was here in his father's meditation chamber. Adama had shown
him the secret room on his thirtieth birthday. It was where the Commander
went to seek guidance from the Lords of Kobol. He wanted his oldest son to
learn to meditate so that he might one day be able to speak with the
Lords. Adama had never said if he was able to speak directly to them, and
Apollo had never asked. 

He told himself he was being foolish. He couldn't communicate with the
dead. But he'd been through some fairly strange events in the past few
sectares, events that bordered on the supernatural. Meeting Count Iblis
and the beings in the lightships, being sent on a mysterious mission by
those same beings to prevent a world from destroying itself ... dying and
coming back to life. 

The beings in the lightships had said it wasn't his time.  He'd felt like
asking them if it had been Zac's time, or his mother's, or the time of the
millions of humans who had perished in the attack on the Colonies. If they
had the power over life and death, why hadn't they prevented the
Destruction? 

In the days and sectons following the surprise attack, everyone had become
suspicious of everyone else. Everyone knew that it had been another human
who had sold them to their enemy.  They also knew that he hadn't been
alone. Eventually, Baltar and Karibdis had been imprisoned, but no one
knew if there had been other conspirators. The fleet was certainly
vulnerable to Cylon attack - but it was also vulnerable to sabotage.
Everyone became a suspect. Any time anything went wrong with one of the
ships, people feared that someone was trying to kill them. If someone got
sick, there was fear that a saboteur was somehow spreading disease among
the refugee ships.  It was a legitimate fear; the ships were so crowded
that any communicable disease could spread rapidly and have devastating
consequences, such as the illness that had felled so many of the
Galactica's warriors not long after the Destruction.  There was no
evidence that anyone other than Baltar and Karibdis had been involved in
the Cylon attack, but the refugees still worried.  Black-shirted security
men were everywhere. Access to the Battlestar itself was severely
restricted.

Eventually, tensions in the fleet subsided, but even if there were no
conspirators or saboteurs among them, the Cylons were still a very real
threat, and that, of course, meant that no one could ever truly relax or
let their guard down. Apollo supposed that this was why his father
treasured the quiet moments he had in this meditation chamber, even if the
Lords didn't actually talk to him. 

The reason he was here, though, had nothing to do with the Lords of Kobol.
He wanted to be alone to try the meditation techniques his father had
taught him, but not to talk to the Lords; he wanted to try to contact
someone who was dead. He wanted to talk to Serena. 

When his wife had been killed so soon after their marriage, he'd thought
his own life was over.  He'd believed he would never love again; he would
be alone for the remainder of his days. He'd also figured that those days
would be few in number, whatever the beings on the lightship said.  After
all, he was a warrior, and he was out there facing the Cylons on a regular
basis. One lucky shot and it would be all over. 

He hadn't counted on his very stubborn wingmate's determination to keep
him alive. Starbuck was there every time they went into battle. No Cylon
could get close to him as long as Starbuck was at his side. And Starbuck
stayed at his side, even when they weren't on duty. The two of them had
always been close, but now it seemed they were even closer. 

And that closeness was beginning to turn into something Apollo had never
expected. He was beginning to love Starbuck, but not in the
friend-buddy-brotherly way he had before. He was falling in love with
Starbuck. He wondered if Starbuck might feel the same way about him. 
Before he could find out, though, he needed to talk to Serena one last
time. He felt that he needed her approval before he could be free to be
with Starbuck.

He sat in the centre of the room and closed his eyes. He began to clear
his mind of all extraneous thoughts, and tried to concentrate. 

A sudden movement in the room caught his attention, causing him to open
his eyes. The person standing there in front of him, though, was not
Serena. 

"Hello, big brother," said Zac.

Apollo's jaw dropped in astonishment. "Zac? How ... why ... I wasn't ...." 

"You weren't expecting to see me. I know. You were trying to reach
Serena." 

How did Zac know about Serena? He'd been killed before Apollo and Serena
had even met.

"I know everything, Apollo," Zac answered before Apollo had even asked the
question.  "I've been keeping an eye on you from where I am now." 

"And where are you?"

"You know those lightships you and Starbuck encountered a few sectares
ago? I belong to them." 

"But who are they, those beings on the ships?"

"The Lords of Kobol," was Zac's answer.

Finally realizing that it was indeed his brother standing before him,
Apollo moved to take Zac in his arms. They hugged, and Apollo was amazed
at how real Zac felt. 

"I'm real," Zac told him, reading his mind once more. "For now, but only
for a short time. I heard you calling, and I came to you. It is the Day of
the Dead, after all." 

"But I wasn't calling you," Apollo protested.

"I know. You were calling Serena. I came instead, because you don't need
her approval to be with Starbuck. To be blunt, Apollo, Serena is gone. You
have to let go of her, not go calling for her every time you need to make
a decision. Now don't get mad at me," Zac added when he saw his brother
getting angry. "You know that you've been using her death as a reason to
not let yourself get close to anyone, especially not to Starbuck." 

"It's not that," Apollo argued. "It's just ... I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?" Zac asked, though he already knew the answer. 

"I loved Serena, and she died. You died, and Mother died ... so many
people died. I'm afraid that everyone I love is going to die. If anything
happened to Starbuck ...  Sometimes I wonder if it just wouldn't be easier
if I died first." 

"Apollo, the Lords told you, that time when Iblis killed you, that it
isn't your time. You're needed here, on the Galactica, in the fleet.
Father isn't going to live forever. One day, he'll need a successor, and
you have to be here when that happens. You're the only one who shares his
vision for the fleet, for the surviving humans." 

"I don't even want to think about that right now," Apollo sighed.

"I know. And it won't be for a long time yet. But one day, you will take
over as Commander. You won't be alone. You'll have Athena to help you, and
Tigh, and most importantly, you'll have Starbuck. That is, if you overcome
your fear and tell him how you feel." 

"I don't know if I can," Apollo admitted.

"Remember what it says in the Book of the Word, Apollo. 'Perfect love
casts out fear.'" 

Apollo saw that Zac seemed to be fading from sight. "Zac?" 

"I have to go, Apollo. Stay here for awhile and think about what I said."

"I love you, Zac."

"I love you, big brother," Zac said faintly as he disappeared.

Meanwhile, in another part of the ship ...

Starbuck was relaxing in his quarters, thinking about the Day of the Dead.
It wasn't officially marked in the fleet, having been superseded by the
remembrance ceremonies on the anniversary date of the Destruction.
Starbuck preferred to be alone on this day so that he could remember the
parents he'd lost all those yahrens ago in the attack on Umbra. He didn't
really remember anything about his parents, but if he tried hard enough he
could conjure up a fuzzy mental picture of what he believed they looked
like. He hadn't lost anyone in the Destruction the way Apollo had. Yes,
he'd lost some comrades, people he might even consider friends, but not
close family members. Though in a way Apollo's mother Ila had been like a
mother to him, he had always been reluctant to share in the remembrance
ceremonies, because he wasn't really part of Adama's family. Not by blood
or even marriage. 

A movement seen out of the corner of his eye caught Starbuck's attention.
Was someone in his room? He looked up and saw - what? A ghost? 

"I'm not a ghost, Starbuck. Well, maybe in a way I sort of am," Zac
greeted him. 

Trying not to sound too much like a gibbering idiot, Starbuck asked, "What
... how .. why are you here?" 

"It's the Day of the Dead, isn't it? The day when the living and the dead
can communicate?" 

"I always thought that was just a superstition."

"Some superstitions have a basis in reality. Anyway, to answer the 'why'
part of your question, the answer is: because Apollo needs you." 

Instantly on alert, Starbuck jumped to his feet. "Where is he?"

"I'll show you. Close your eyes."

Starbuck didn't know how he was going to be shown anything if his eyes
were closed, but he closed them anyway. Instantly, the image of a map
appeared in his mind. 

"He's in the Commander's quarters?" Starbuck asked.

"Yes. The door's unlocked - that is, it's unlocked for you. Don't ask me
to explain. Just go to him." 

He didn't need to be told twice. Starbuck was on his way to find the man
he loved. 

Inside the meditation room, Apollo sat and tried to process what Zac had
told him. Seeing Zac at all had been amazing, finding out that his little
brother was now among the Lords of Kobol was almost unbelievable. But the
information that the beings in the lightships were the Lords ... that
part, at least, made sense. Everything else that Zac had told him - about
his eventually taking his father's place as Commander, and about Starbuck
... that might take a bit of time to get used to. 

There was a sound outside the door. "Apollo?" It was Starbuck's voice.
"Apollo? Where are you?" 

Apollo opened the door. "Starbuck? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I was about to ask you the same question. Are you all
right?" 

"I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

"Zac sent me. He said you needed me."

"You saw Zac?"

"It was the weirdest thing, Apollo. He said I was able to see him because
it's the Day of the Dead." 

"He told me the same thing," Apollo said.  

"You saw him too?" Starbuck asked in astonishment.

Apollo nodded. "Long story."

"I'm telling you, Apollo, it's not every day that a man is relaxing in his
quarters and has a dead person show up out of nowhere. It was a bit
freaky. And when he said you needed me, I thought you were in trouble. It
just about scared the pogees out of me!" 

Apollo was touched by his friend's concern. That was Starbuck all over.
Anytime there was even a suggestion that Apollo was in danger, Starbuck
came running. "Thank you," he said simply. 

"For what?" Starbuck asked in puzzlement.

"For caring about me. For ... for loving me."

The lieutenant smiled. "Of course I care about you. You're my best
friend." 

With a deep breath and a quick prayer to the Lords, Apollo took the
plunge. "Starbuck ... I know we're best friends, and I know you care about
me. For me, though, it's more than that. I love you.  Do you - do you love
me?" 

Starbuck looked stunned, and he didn't answer right away. He just stood
there for a few centons, not saying anything. Finally, he spoke. "Yes. I
love you. I love you more than anything. I love you with all of my heart,
all of my soul, with everything that I am." 

Laughing and crying at the same time, Apollo embraced Starbuck. "Thank the
Lords," he said. 

Starbuck returned the embrace. "I don't know what the Lords have to do
with anything, but I'm thankful too."

Apollo explained about Zac being with the Lords of Kobol. "It makes sense.
My family is directly descended from the Lords, so it's to be expected
that we'll join them when we die." 

"I don't even want to think about you dying, Apollo," Starbuck protested. 

Apollo smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry," he told his lover. "I intend to
be around for a long, long time. I have a job to do, and so do you." 

"You mean as warriors."

"Not just that." Apollo explained what Zac had told him about one day
leading the fleet. "It won't be for many yahrens, the Lords willing, but
it will happen sooner or later, and when that day comes, I'm counting on
you to be here. You're my closest friend and my most trusted adviser. I'll
need my family most of all. My sister, my son ... my spouse?" he added,
turning it into a question. 

"I'll be here," Starbuck promised. "And if that's a proposal, my answer is
yes." 

"It is. I want us to be married." He embraced Starbuck again and the two
warriors held each other for a long time. When they finally parted, Apollo
said, "Let's go back to my quarters. Only now I want them to be our
quarters. You can move out of that converted closet they gave you when you
moved out of the Bachelor Officers' Quarters." 

As they were about to leave the meditation room, Apollo stopped for a
micron and looked around. Starbuck gave him a quizzical look. 

"Wherever you are, Zac," Apollo whispered, "thank you."               

"That comes from me, too," Starbuck added.

In one of the lightships of the Lords of Kobol, Zac looked down on his
family, and smiled. 

END